In the E.R. tonight with our 5 year old

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Please pray for Isabela (5), she's at the ER right now with my wife (I'm home with our other two). Isabela has a fever, and now her neck hurts, pretty sore, so we worry about meningitis. Although she's showing signs of improvement from her flu like symptoms, fever is going down, eating a little more, she can hardly move her neck, so we had to take her in.

They'll do a spinal tap, first one for her and our family, so I'm feeling down but I know it's the right thing. We can't take any risks. We're praying all is fine and they find nothing except a bad flu and swollen nodes, etc. That's what I expect, but we have to be sure....

Bummer. Long night just got longer. Thank you for praying.

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT

UPDATE-1: We took Isabela into the ER and the doctors determined she didn't need a spinal tap because they don't think it's meningitis. Relief!! But they did a CT scan just in case and they found a small absess, basically pus near her neck that is causing her all the pain, combined with fever from a bug, she is a mess. So she's still at the hospital, they had to admit her and she's on antibiotics.
Best case scenario - The antibiotics get rid of the absess and she goes home tomorrow.
Worse case scenario - They operate on her, going through the mouth to drain the absess.
We're praying for God's will, but we're really praying for #1.
Please pray for her on this.

My wife is wasted, on the couch layed out, didn't sleep at all last night. She hasn't been home in 24 hours.
I slept two hours last night, sending out some emails, picking up, dropping off our other two.
We're working together, asking all the right questions, and becoming one in this whole thing for our little girl.
Canela and David Dennis are in school today, David is now with his grampa, I'm about to go get Canela. Isabela is sleeping right now.

We had Isabela's little friend Keyla and her mom drop off some crayons and coloring book and a Barbie note pad. I almost cried, I felt so touched. We've been to their house a few times just serving them with our love and they are here for us now. Amazing.

Our whole family has been near, I sure wish my mom was here (she lives in Nicaragua) and how I wish my grandmother still was around (she died 2 years ago this December).

God is with us, she will be okay, God is near, we are in His hands.

UPDATE-2:
Isabela's fever is better, the antibiotics seem to be working. Still in the hospital, they're doing tests for various viruses. Her neck pain is also improving, she has more energy. The abscess on her neck doesn't require surgery at this time, they're treating it with the antibiotics. We're wanting her headaches and neck pain to continue to improve. She's making progress. Today was a better day for her.

UPDATE-3:
Isabela is home. She came home Thursday night, after 4 days in the hospital. Amazing. It's so good to have her home, sleeping in her own bed. She's feeling better each day and today she's back in school. I thank God for all He's done to heal Isabela. Our 7 year old has strep throat, she's home from school today, but you know what, God is faithful. Seeing Isabela recover has been a huge encouragement. Her neck is better, her fever is gone, she's doing better each day, still on antibiotics for 10 days as part of her treatment for the abscess in her neck. We are praying it's gone by now.
Thank you for praying for her. Rachelle and I are recovering this week.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Hearing God in People

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A theme I've been needing to hear lately is this: God speaks through other people into my life, my situation. And second, you are a gift to me.

Somewhere along the pastoral, Christian kid life, I believed that I hear God, and that I have something to offer the world through my life, music, Word, etc. But the idea of me hearing from people, to have them be Christ to me, to have them be a messenger of God's wisdom into my life is newer to me.

But I know it's true. Samuel spoke to David regarding his sin with Bathsheba, he spoke to him in a relevant way, speaking of sheep to a shepherd.

My wife says things to me that are God talking. Now I'm realizing that more and more! Duh! She'll tell me things like "we should invite Nikki and John over, and offer them to live with us for 6 months..." Yikes! But I know God speaks through her.

Speakers, music, the Word, prayer, these are all natural ways for me to hear God, and I feel God has done that with me for a long time. Although you know what, I feel that He's speaking to me more and more through music. Just today, he was telling me to bless Jeff a young worship leader. He was telling me I should love him more, embrace him, bless him, tell him what I see in him as a young 22 year old young man without a father, with his mom living far from him. I haven't really wanted to, but God keeps telling me to do it. I hate when God talks to me!

But listening to my wife has been an amazing thing for me, not just being the spiritual leader myself, but realizing that she leads with me, that God leads our home through what she says, in her time in the Word, her impressions, I think she has a gift of exhortation or wisdom or prophecy, something like that. I was just recently hearing her talk to her sister in such a clear, concise way that wasn't easy necessarily, but was very true and helpful. Wow, I was amazed.

I've had people tell me a few things along the years that were true but not very nice, but I love them for it. Once a singer told me, "you're very condescending..." I was, and don't struggle with that as much because her comments made me begin the process of confession, repentance, change, awareness, etc.

There are books, Devotional Readings from the Renovare line that speak to this idea. I don't know which ones but I'll find out from our SF pastor. He speaks this language often with me, the set-up team, the child care workers, and it speaks to something I need to adapt into my heart and thinking.

For you are my brother and you are a gift to me. You are Christ to me, you speak to me, sharpen me, edify me, I need you and you need me. We are in community with each other, you have the ability to hurt and lift me up. I give you that choice, I open my heart to it, for you are my brother, my sister. You are Christ to me, you are the Body of Christ, if an ear speaks (well, that's weird but you get it), I will listen, when I speak you can listen.

I am not alone, the Word, prayer, worship are some of the ways God speaks to me, but I believe you are the voice of God too, and even if your words hurt me and I reject them, even if you are wrong, even if your own flesh and sinfulness gets in the way, I will see that as a gift, and a chance to surrender and trust Christ, Jesus for those tough moments, but I will not see you as anti-Christ, for the Spirit of our common Father is also in you. He prayed we'd be one, so I want to be in relationship with you my brother, my sister.

I hope you also take that risk to open up, to receive, to be in authentic Biblical community with me and those you love. I am a gift to you, you are a gift to me. Let's receive one another as such.

For further reading:
1. "Hearing God" by Dallas Willard, 1999

Amen.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Marriage Conference and My Great Life

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My wife and I are at the Family Life Today marriage conference in La Jolla, CA this weekend. Wow, amazing time. I haven't been online much (blogged once, email two, three times, no surfing, no work stuff). The content has been amazing, the room is great (Radisson) and the cost is awesome - FREE for Pastors and wives.

But even if it wasn't free, we'd be here, it's great. We've been married 11 years, three children, house, house remodel, 13 years of ministry, 8 years of teaching for my wife, we have a real life. What is wrong someone asked us? Why do you need to go to a marriage conference?

This has been scary but rewarding. We've talked about things such as:

How is our sex life going?
How do you feel about our communication?
How do you think we're doing in our companionship?
Would you still love me if I tell you how I feel about you sometimes?
Did you know that I get scared for my life when you drive! : )

Things like that. We've talked about all those themes this weekend, scary? Yes, but amazing. Great rewards too.

We've talked through lots of real issues, but for both of us, coming from pretty conservative backgrounds it's been good to say, "our marriage is fine, but we want to make it great. And to get there, we need to say of some things (such as sex, attitudes, etc) that they need improvement." You want to know about our sex talk heh? Sorry! You'll have to call me for that one.

Anyway, it's been amazing to unmask the scary "how is our marriage question." Yes, I felt afraid, so did Rachelle, after all things are great right? Yes, but we've been picking up some dust, some bad habits, some unspoken themes. It's bound to happen, after all we've been busy raising three small children for the last 7-8 years, we dealt with two deaths, a remodel, the loss of our grandmother, seeing her through the last years, months and days of her life. Gone are the days of eating out every night, watching TV every night, being young and free, spending with no cares in the world.

And we DON'T want to become busy raising a family, scheduling life and dance lessons, school and vacations while our marriage gets stale. We want to have a fresh, vital, real marriage. And so how do we get there?

This weekend has helped us, it's brought up things we've been meaning to talk about, it's encouraged us, it's made us feel like the sky is the limit. It's brought us together even more, from 85 to 95%. It's made our marriage current because we're talking about current themes, desires, hopes, visions for the future.

I'm so amazed at the grace of God, his love, his ability to work in our lives. I'm soooo amazed at the love I have for Rachelle, the real, tested and tried 11 years, 3 children, real marriage and real love I have for her and her for me. Honeymoons are great, this is awesome.

We're growing in so many areas these days. First, in our marriage as I've said, that's the foundation, the granite underneath it all, second, in our relationships with couples, friends, community, authentic Biblical spiritually forming communities. We both now have that, which has been a journey of years to get here. Third, our missional work, serving our lost neighbors, loving our unconnected friends, praying for our children to become men and women of God. But most of all, our passion for this Jesus, this Man-God, his Message of hope and forgiveness to the world, to me and you, to believers and to those not in the Kingdom. Our burden for people has only increased, for the poor, children, inner city Long Beach, for racial diversity, for a vision for the world, for Nicaragua, for Romania, for Russia and Africa.

We feel we're at the best we've ever been, not because we're perfect, in fact shedding that idea for these two conservative Christian kids has been the most amazing thing, but to understand grace, forgiveness, the experience that in each other, to extend that to each other, has been a most satisfying experience. And the sex has been great too.

So we feel like we have our best years ahead, and we walk this line with an awareness of our uglyness, our sin, our desire for self, division and self-protection. But we walk together, with Jesus and His Spirit as our hope and breath, and these three little people who follow us, watch us, learn from us and whom one day we will see leave us. We want to do great things for the Kingdom of God, and we realize more and more that it's not our striving, but His Work in our lives and hearts and minds that will accomplish this.

And we realize that our friends are watching, Jeff and John, Annie and Justin, Nikki and John, Jake and Jessica, John and Howard, Corrie and Ana, Sarah and Gary, Kyle and Dennis. These are our other friends, some our children, some our peers. We have much to give them and to receive from them.

All this makes me glad, makes me love Life and Jesus and our families, our heritage, our background. It makes me aware of realities such as illness, aging, suffering, all of it as parts of our lives. But His Word and prayer and His people, His mission, all compel us forward. We have much to live for, so we are doing it. I hope you are too.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

My Over reaction Levels Are Up, Asking Why

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This morning's interaction with my wife regarding cookies...She's at work today, I'm home with the children.

My wife: "can you make sure the cookies are in Isabela's backpack and David's backpack, they're for Kelly and Tracy."

Me: "what! I can't do that, who's going to give them the cookies? Shouldn't someone give them the cookies personally! Why don't you just ask me to give the cookies to them myself...."

My wife (tears): "that's ok, don't do it."

Me: "I'll do it, that's fine..."

My wife: "I gotta go."

Yikes! Talk about me being off my rocker. I'm off lately, dealing with bouts of anger, quick tempered and just over reacting to everything, feeling like little things are hard, can't do this, can't do that, I'm already doing so much, look at me, look at me, life is hard.

Something's off.

So I've been thinking about what it is. First, I just know something's not right. That's half the battle, acceptance that this is not good. I apologized to my wife, I feel so lame, but I know she loves me. But I have to do something.

What is my plan?
1. Called three friends and told them the scenario
2. Asked them to pray for me
3. I'm writing about what is causing all this. Usual culprits - grief, emotional overload, stress headaches in the AM's, my body feeling overloaded from emotional stress, Holiday Syndrome. My father, 2nd mother, all died in December. My concussion, in December. In November of this year, I fell off a Christmas stage (no major injury just a sore knee and ankle), then I got sick last week and it's still hanging on to me.
4. Thinking of God's graces. I just wrote down 5-6 contentment moments, thinking of Doña Lupe, she came over yesterday, made dinner for us, cleaned the kitchen floor and did laundry, all in two hours. She's my uncle's mother in law and she's going to help us out a few times a week, taking care of our children and doing some housework. This allows our children to be home by 3pm versus 5pm and get into their home routine. It's so awesome. Things like that.
5. Breakfast with my father in law. We talked this week, just praying, talking church, ministry, life, so good for me.
6. Called new mentor. Bill is a friend of dad Baker's. He's a pastor to pastors. Today I called him, and so hopefully we'll meet in the next few weeks.
7. Stay away from destructive behaviors, vices, sins. I'm asking friends to pray about my usual escapes (except for PlayStation 2 (can't afford PS3).
8. Praying, exercising (as much as this cold allows me to, very frustrating!), resting (slept 10 hours last night).
9. Vacation, I took this week off.
10. Weekend get away with my wife. We're going to the FLT Marriage Conference, I'm so glad to be with her and talk this through, mend, heal, be one.
11. Dinner with friends. On Monday, we went out with some good friends to enjoy Indian food, laugh, go to the WoW store and just have fun together.

I don't want to be like this, but the Holiday Syndrome hits me like clockwork every year, it's like a wave that I can't avoid, can't stop, but can recognize it and try to reduce it's effects on my wife, children, and ministry. I want to be filled with God's ways not my ways.

Perhaps you deal with Holiday stuff and you're beginning to notice the symptoms. Do you realize they're there? And what will you do about it? As my father in law said, anger is neither redemptive nor productive. It's time to do something about it.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Ortega Means the Dark Ages Again

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With Ortega all but officially back in power in Nicaragua, the country will go back 10-20 years economically and most of all in U.S. relations. Ortega is buddy buddy with Chavez and Castro, so all notions of a "new-softer-gentler" Ortega are non-sense. The man is corrupt, a communist and a U.S. hater. This is bad news for my country of origin, and my family who lives there.

What is good about this? The poor will be cared for, medical benefits will increase, education will increase, $$ on defense will increase. But so will religious restrictions, U.S. travel, free trade, etc.

Bush will probably wait and see. My guess is he's too busy with bigger fish to fry (Iraq, North Korea) to really care and rightly so. Nicaragua offers very little threat to anyone. But the connection between Venezuela, Cuba and now Nicaragua, offers a triangulation that few can ignore.

Expect sanctions, Nicaraguans on the U.S. side will have little chance of going home (or maybe little desire!), and expect a slow but real migration by businesses, hotels, tourism, resorts, airlines, etc. from the country. Just when things were looking up in Nicaragua, this comes.

But remember, almost 40% of the Nicaraguan people voted for Ortega. They wanted this. Why? Their alternatives were more rich-eat-poor U.S. educated U.S. puppets (such as Montealegre and Ruiz).

Now, we all wish Hertiz hadn't had a massive heart attack just weeks before the elections. He was a moderate Sandinista, hated by Ortega but with a leaning towards U.S. relations. I hope my family gets out of there soon.

Oh and today I am home with a bad cold, sniffles, sore throat, etc. arghhhhh....

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

This is How My People Vote

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This is how my people in Nicaragua vote. Today, the Nicaraguan citizens decide if Daniel Ortega (the Sandinista tyrant of the 80's) returns to power or if a Harvard educated U.S. puppet runs the country, gets even richer and once again forgets the poor.

What a choice!

My prediction, sad to say, Ortega.

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT