Nicaragua Living-I am Part Miskito

Welcome back.

My dad was born in the Atlantic Coast of Nicaragua, in a town called Bluefields. The people there, called Miskitos are of a dark, roasted, tough, bright complexion, darker than the Mestizos (mixture of Spanish and native 'indian') of Managua. I am a mixture of Miskito and Mestizo (on my mom's side). I am fascinated by these things.

This is a Miskito Employee (Nicaragua Living) at at port town in the Atlantic Coast of Nicaragua called "Puerto Cabeza". She looks like my sister Marcia.

Into the future...

davidT

Mosaic Church, LA-Sunday experience

Welcome back.

Inspired by David at Revolution, I'll write a review of my time at Mosaic Church at their Culver City site last Sunday (they meet in 5 different locations). Erwin McManus is the lead pastor, and his brother Alex is the executive like pastor. Alex has a blog and it's an amazing leadership blog thing.

Erwin doesn't blog, he just writes bestselling books. I'm currently reading his latest, "The Barbarian Way" (not his best work), and is currently writing a book on Creativity. (I better get going on my book writing gigs!) : )

This week Mosaic is also holding their Origins Leadership Conference. Alex is actually blogging the whole thing online. Check it out. I've been to Origins the last three years, first year I went alone, second time with 3 guys, last year with 4. I got their message - Leadership, Arts, Erwin. Too bad you can't bring Erwin back with you. My main critique of Mosaic's vision is that it's pretty much carried by the McManus brothers. If you're not them, it's tough to talk the talk. Nonetheless, it's something everyone should do at least once. I'll probably take some guys with me to it next year.

Mosaic Church, Culver City, Experience. -
More to come...I gotta go do my ab workout. I just finished 1 hr of chest and back. Nice.

Into the future...

davidT

Tough Day

Mother's Day without my second mother abuelita Amanda, tough day. Lots of great things today nonetheless, celebrating Rachelle who is an awesome woman and mother. Still, my stomach is upside down and I feel emotionally spent.

Lord, you are my Rock and the 'lifter of my head'. Lift me up Lord.

Psalm 3:
Interlude
3 But you, O LORD, are a shield around me,
my glory, and the one who lifts my head high.

4 I cried out to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy mountain.

Time with Tina

It was great to have Tina come over today and have our children play while her and Rachelle spent time catching up.

Don Miller-Blue Like Jazz-Review

Welcome back.

So I'm on the last two chapters (of 20) of Don Miller's book "Blue Like Jazz." ©2003 and it's sort of combination of Douglas Copeland's "Life After God," and McLaren's "A New Kind of Christian." Pretty amazing book. Honest, raw, without resolution and as the author himself writes, ' "I guess I'm not alone at being alone." and I think that sums up how I feel about Blue Like Jazz.'

I've read books like this before and they make you feel understood, like you're not alone, like you don't have to hide anymore. Like the first time a friend said, "I struggle with lust," or "I don't feel in love with my wife right now," or "I don't like myself very much." You feel like the secret is out and it's okay to talk about it.

These books are great for conversations and should be read in community, with a group of college students at a retreat, a men's getaway, or a group of girlfriends reading it at Starbucks. It's not a here is the answer kind of book.

I say this, because many of my Christian friends want books to give them 'the answer.' They frustrate me. They can't handle tension, honesty and conversation. But it's when we sit down in community and ask these things, with a Bible in hand, a bunch of great books, coffee and a heck of lot of honesty, that we find the answers we're looking for.

As the books itself says, "Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together." I have experienced this once or twice in my life. I'm currently beginning to experience this once again.

I've been longing for this kind of relationship among staff, friends and family. Yet I've had to be learn a lot myself. I am much more open, honest and consistent in my friendships than I was a few years ago. Pain and grief does that to a man over time. It breaks you down, it tells you that art, music, faith, God, prayers, devotional life, right doing, your wife and family are but part of the whole. You need a desire for community, not just community. I didn't have such a desire until recently, now I am there, and I want it bad.

And as I get there, I will bring guidance and direction and experience and honesty and God and Jesus and life to those around me. And I will bring nothing at the same time, except for open hands willing to learn, accept, respect and together live a better life in Jesus, following His ways and living it out so that others may know and worship Him.

UPDATE: Finished the book. It ends with a bang. The last two chapters are titled "Jesus", and the last one, "Love" - what better way to end. This is the kind of book you can give to a seeking friend (or better yet get a book club started). I'm still meditating on what this book made me feel. More later...

UPDATE2: The book invites you to be in community with others. Nothing new you say, but oh so refreshing. It's the kind of relationships where there's honesty and pain and hopes and dreams.

Let me give you some examples:

Today, Tina came by with her beautiful daughter. We talked about her life, her two miracles, her journey, about blogging. Her and Rachelle later spoke about how she's doing, about marriage and parenting and faith.

Then Howard my next door neighbor came by. He's 70 and lost his dad 2 weeks ago, his dad was 100 and I got a chance to pray with him minutes before he died, it was amazing to be there. Howard came over to show me the DVD of his dad's ashes being let out at the ocean a few days ago. He kept saying in a nervous kind of way, like when people are feeling something deeply but they keep talking about something smaller in comparison just from nerves, he kept saying, "they did a great job on the DVD, a great job, those guys do great work..."

Right before that Larry the door-to-door fundraiser from Teen Challenge knocked on our door. He said a rude lady just a few doors down had told him she wasn't interested in helping teens. He said, "how can anyone not be interested?" He told me that just that morning he had felt a call to go into ministry, to become a pastor, he said he didn't think he could do it. But you know how people tell you something but they really mean another, that was Larry. He really felt like God was calling him to become a pastor or something. I prayed for him, the word "resolution" kep coming up in the prayer. At the end he said, "like you said, I need to resolve these things in my heart."

Just a few minutes ago, Donna and Sidney came over. Sidney is 4 and is a very active little girl. Donna, her grandmother who lives a few doors down (hopefully she wasn't the mean lady), wanted to introduce Sidney to us who is here visiting them from Florida with her daughter for Mothers' Day. They came in, Sidney ran around the house for a few minutes and they just left.

These things happen to us every day. They happen to me often, and yet they don't, you know what I mean? They don't happen because I usually don't have time for them, don't make them a priority. Often I am too self-focused to think about the needs of others.

But God is changing my heart and is taking me deeper into this place of serving, of being accessible, of caring deeply. I know this can become too much, but I could use more of this in my life and I feel God is calling me to more genuine community with people in my neighborhood, at church, with people. This book, has opened my eyes in some fresh ways.

UPDATE3: I just ordered Miller's latest book (although he's got another one coming this Fall),
"Searching for God Knows What".

Into the future...

davidT

TallSkinnyKiwi: Horton on Emerging Church

Want to hear a well argued critique (and response) on the Emerging Church, Brian McLaren, postmodernity and the church, etc? Read the post: TallSkinnyKiwi: Horton on Emerging Church, and look for the links to the interviews on MP3's.

Ex: "Theology does not matter, what matters is Christ like living."

Do you agree with this statement? I tend to agree, yet to look at 1 Timothy honestly, when push comes to shove, and heresy and sexual sins are all around, we better have a working theology.

This is why the Emergent Conference, Friday, May 13th put on through Talbot at BIOLA is so important for us all. I'm there.

843 Raymond Ave, LB

Welcome back.

Today was what I was hoping for on my week off. I cried (yes, again), I remembered, I wrote the seed thoughts of a great song, I spent time at the ocean (Huntington Beach is amazing), saw a movie,"The Interpreter" by myself (I enjoy that in days like today), and am reading some great books ("Blue Like Jazz" and "Divided by Faith".

30 years ago, I came to 843 Raymond Ave to live with my grandmother in her 1 bedroom apartment, she slept on the sofa bed in the living room, while she gave me the bedroom. I was 6 years old. (L, Raymond Ave. currently)

I went back there today and took pictures of Raymond Ave, the street I grew up on. Thank you abuelita for raising me and taking me to school and showing me how to be a young man. I was there for you until the very last breath of your life, because you were there for me every day of your life. I owe you everything.

The picture on the left is the street I used to play on. I used to see my friends ride their bikes up and down this street all day long. I lived on Raymond Ave. for almost 20 years.

Tuesday of this week, I helped our girl Canela (6) learn to ride her bike without training wheels. She's got it, she was so ready! (R, Canela on our street).

So there I was, watching Canela go up and down our street on her bike and I started to make the connections. I was six when I first came to Raymond Ave, she is now six. Gramma created a safe environment so I could enjoy riding my bike up and down Raymond Ave. Now I am the one creating a safe place for Canela to ride her bike and make friends on our street. This is now her dream, her memories, and I get to be for Canela what abuelita was to me.

I was overwhelmed. While at my old street, I broke down and cried for 20-30mns. I hope no one called the cops on me! Can you imagine, "Officer, there's a strange man in a truck with a camera crying outside my door!" What a scene that could have been.

These pictures mean the world to me. They show me:

CONNECTION - LIFE - CIRCLE - GRACE AND MERCY - JOY and TEARS.

GROWING UP...

LIFE ENDING, LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING. AGAIN.

Into the future...

davidT

Last Night - Phil Wickham and Jeff U.

Went and worshipped with Phil Wickham last night at BIOLA. Wow, amazing sound, voice, band and sense of the presence of God. They have a Colplay meets Tim Hughes meets Kevin Max sound. His ministry in the Spirit is still growing, I can help him with that. I would love to mentor Phil. Encourage him and be a friend. He's a true artists, gets into his vibe, his mode, sometimes leaves people behind, forgets songs, songs don't always flow into each other, but I respect his gift and sense of waiting on the Lord.

In our contemporary churches flow happens quickly, not much room to wait for the flow to come. Phil, as any good Calvary boy, is learning to wait on the Lord while leading worship. He's still got some bumps and bruises in his worship leading, welcome to the club right?, but his prayers, his memorization of Scripture, his anointing, for a 21 year old, yes friends twenty-one, is amazing.

Oh yes, and he writes amazing songs such as "Jesus Lord of Heaven", "High Above" and others and he arranges old classic songs such as "Lord You Have My Heart" in an Coldplay vibe and feel, very cool.

He looks like a rock star and acts like one in a good sense of the word. The power point stunk, most of the songs he sang were not 'on the list'. Again, that Calvary Spirit led thing, it worked 80% of the time. That's good. May not work at a contemporary church but again, he's young and learning. When he'd forget the words to the songs (not bad for singing over 20 songs in 1 hour, no music stand), he'd smile to himself. A bit childish, but I've been there. It's better to ignore such moments. His guitar player was changing strings 10 minutes prior to the event, that was hilarious. Here they are leading worship to about 200 students inside a jam packed chapel, and the guitar player has his clipper out changing all 6 strings minutes before the thing starts. Been there. Can you say 'out of tune'? They couldn't find a table for their CD's so they didn't sell many records. The projectors kept turning off from lack of use, again, most of his songs were not on the schedule.

Yet in all, it was an amazing night. Why you say? Phil does everything ALL OUT, ALL THE TIME. I love that about him. After all, it's the KING OF KINGS he's singing to for goodness sake. I'd rather have that, and have learn how to put a set list together, how to read the audience, how to open your eyes at least once a night, etc, and have him BURN up there for Jesus in front of a generation bored to death, than the opposite.

I wrote Phil an email a few months ago to come to Bethany and do a worship night with our bands. After seeing him last night, I can't wait to meet him, encourage him and see him at Bethany.

Phil, you're great, I can make you better. Let's work together soon.

I also spent time with Jeff who's the worship director at BIOLA. He's another young worship leader, 23, who just got married 4 weeks ago. Can you say lots of sex and going out to dinner every night? Oh those early years, where have you gone? I mean the out to dinner every night part of course...

Jeff is hungry for community. I asked him, "how can I help you?" He said, my wife and I need community, relationship. A lot of his current relationships are ending, his band "Alabaster" just broke up, people are moving out of state, he just graduated college, new marriage, ahhhh! So we hung out, got some water and coffee together, read him about King David being chosen by God through Samuel, I read him about Paul 'fanning into flame' the gift in Timothy. I read to him Eph. 4 about 'equipping the body to do works of service." It was good. I prayed for him and his wife, hugged him and invited him to come back to Bethany. They've been coming for the last few weeks.

Emergent worship leaders. In need of encouragement, guidance, mentorship and lots of love, lots of it. That's what I do.

Nicaragua’s Journey-Returning Home

This is very true. My recent 3-4 trips back to Nicaragua with Bethany, helping my church back there build a school, do sports outreach, donating instruments for their worship ministry, is all part of my effort to share what I have learned and gained while growing up here.

I't be great to meet a guy like Bernardo and share our stories.

Nicaragua’s Journey and the “Invisible Hand”.:

"On returning home, Bernardo says, “My case is not unique. Most of my generation grew up elsewhere and now we are back in the country putting all of the knowledge we acquired outside into practice. It is very common for Nicaraguans to be bilingual — and this is a huge asset the country holds which is facilitating foreign investment in different areas.”

Sometimes It's Raw

My abuelita's sister, tia Alicia, called this morning. I called her back and we couldn't finish our conversation, she broke down in tears as we thought of grandma. Today I also spoke to Margie, my uncle Hector's wife (abuelita's son). She told me she can only imagine how I must miss gramma, knowing our relationship, that she lived right here with us and how much we loved each other. I cried.

This stuff is so raw, it'll be 4 months tomorrow. Feels like days. My abuelita died on Jan. 3rd, 2005 of a brain anyurism, she was in a comma for 10 days, she was 78. She had lived in our home for the last 5 years. She raised me since age 6, was my second mother, and the most significant person in my life, she was my friend.

A few days ago, Canela our 6 year old told me how abuelita used to comfort her when she was sad. I had just disciplined Canela, so this was fresh on her mind. She told me that when my grandma would see her crying, she would bring her a cup of water, even if she was in the bathroom. What tender memories by our girl.

Tonight I was doing the dishes and started to cry. I cooked and was cleaning the table after bathing the children, reading them stories, tucking them in and putting them to bed. I kept saying to her (in Spanish), "you taught me everything I know about cooking and cleaning, I learned everything from you. Thank you for being my example, I wasn't done learning."

I miss mi abuelita Amanda Morales Gutierrez.

John and Corie

Today I saw it. John, Corie and I, three men who live right next to each other. John is a contractor, owns his own business, has 2 boats, trucks everywhere, in his mid 30's and has the ultimate bachelor pad. He's alone most of the time. Corie lives in the back apartment of my next door neighbor's house, with his roomate. Has a girlfriend, is a long shoreman at the Long Beach harbor, single, in his late 20's. He's alone most of the time.

What I saw is that these men are all in need of relationship, and that's what I do. I need to approach them and have a Bible study with them for the summer.

This is my 'obession of the month.' Good obsession wouldn't you say?

GeekCoffee - I'm Still a Mac Guy Gates...

It's good to poke fun of those who are on top...Good one Mr. Gates...

GeekCoffee | Technology News and Reviews:

"In his speech, Gates also took the time to poke fun at Apple's new Mac OS X 'Tiger' release, which hit store shelves last week and has been greeted by rave reviews. It's easy to tell if you're using a PC or Mac, Gates joked, 'Just take your applications and stick them in there and see if they run.'

Warning! Buried Grief

Sometimes my grief works seems annoying to others, "get over it", "she's in a better place", "there is joy in the Lord", kind of thing.

I understand, but if you've lost anything in life, you know the value of working through the 'dark night of the soul' to get to the other side. You can't get stuck here, you have to move through it. And then on the other hand, if you've lost something and you didn't work through it...

Preach it Hybels!

Citation: Bill Hybels, "A Better Kind of Grieving," Preaching Today, Tape No. 108.

"Fifty years ago industrialists thought they could just bury toxic waste and it would go away. We have since learned it doesn't just go away. It makes trouble. It leaks into the water table, contaminates crops, and kills animals.

Buried grief does the same thing. Raw time doesn't heal a thing. Buried pain leaks into our emotional system and wreaks havoc there. It distorts our perceptions of life, and it taints our relationships. That contamination happens subconsciously."

This Week-Working Vacation

Trying to not work much, but you know how that goes when you're home. I'm taking time this week to remember, to write songs, meditate on the Psalms, love people, do things around the house, get a haircut, stuff like that.

It's been a good push since January for our whole family. With abuelita, Easter, GF, service time change, a new band, etc. I need some time off. Jeff, our new drummer just came by, he's 18 a Senior at Wilson High School, sweet young man. He's going to go practice his drums at the church.

I'm discipling him on Thurday nights. I gave him a book today called "Breaking the DaVinci Code", he has some questions, good stuff. Today he told me he's been reading the discipleship manual and he's seeing things he needs to stop doing, and other things he needs to start on. Amazing stuff. Equipping artists, it's what I do.

Tuesday I'm driving down the coast with my guitar to spend some time alone at the ocean, praying, writing songs, crying, laughing, writing, writing, writing, drawing, singing, thinking.

Wednesday night I'm going to worship with Phil Wickham at BIOLA. Amazing young man, 21 year old Calvary Chapel worship leader, God's anointing is on him. He's written strong songs such as "You're My Everything," and "Jesus Lord of Heaven", we sing these and they move people. We need to have him come to Bethany and do a concert together with our bands.

At lunch, I'm getting together with a friend who's dealing with some loss in his life, to help him out. Then before class, I'm meeting with a young man who's the worship director at BIOLA to share about the book I'm writing called, "Equipping the Next Generation for a Life Time of Worship."

Thursday night we're doing a family dinner at Fudrucker's, taking a break from the routine. We don't go out much, so this will be fun. Thursday and Friday I have pick up/drop off duties with our children.

Sat. I have a jam session with our band. Part of resting for me is playing music.

Sunday, I'll probably visit Mosaic in LA, it's been a while.

I am a Great Dad

Not that I don't have 'bad dad days', but I make an effort to be a great father to our three little ones (6, 3.5 and 1.5).

How to be a good father? Love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor (and children) as yourself. And act, do something with them.

Actions of a Great Father: (or 'papi' as our children call me, I love that)

1. Father - Daughter Dance. I am not a father-daughter Village people YMCA dancing kind of guy, but I went 2-3 weeks ago and she had a great time. A lot of ther great dads were also in the room.

2. Date with Isabela. Thursday for lunch Isabela and I went to Burger King, got the chicken strips and of course the toy and then played in the kid playing area for 30-40mns while I watched, responded to her 'look at mi papi' (10-20 times), and engaged our girl for the whole time we were together. She felt me near her, she got it.

3. Tuesday nights I'm on. I take care of the little ones while Rachelle has the night off. Bathing, dinner, pijama's, milk, reading stories, tuckin in, singing.

Gotta go, they just got home, gotta go be a great father. Rachelle said there were many breakdowns while they were gone. Here we go...