I Just Want you to be My Friend...leave me alone!

Welcome back. You belong here.

Ever been in a situation when you have to cross that line from being a friend (meaning I don't speak truth into a situation) to being a real friend and speak truth with grace?

I'm in that spot right now and it's not easy. Whether young or old, I see a generation that wants me to love them and accept them but with strings attached, in other words, "as long as you don't tell me what to do."

I agree, no one likes to be told anything, but even the mere mention of God's truth, of consequences to their actions is hard for some. In some cases, the actions are harmful to others and to themselves and still I get "leave me alone...just be my friend."

What is a friend?

Solomon speaks of this:

8 There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless--a miserable business!

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Truthfully, it's also hard for me when I fall and others try to help me, or better yet they tell me things before I fall. But I'm learning the need for truth in my life - "David, that was unkind, David, that went long, David you didn't show up." After all, I do those things....I have to accept them.

So I try to be a friend, which to some means you stay on the surface, and yet try to reflect truth with grace and kindness. This is not easy for me, but I find it's needed in the Body of Christ. Some respond with acceptance, others respond a week later, others leave the church. Jesus told the adulterous woman, "you are right in saying you have no husband..." OUCH! Truth exposes reality, but then Jesus said, "go and sin no more..." Grace, help, acceptance.

Which way do I lean? I have a hard time saying things nicely without offending people. So I say them in fluffy ways and then one day I make myself clear and people are shocked. I am working on always being clear, to the point and having things well thought out, with advice from others, checking my math twice as they say, before I make that phone call.

Ultimately, I know I can't change anyone, only the Spirit of God can. I can only ask God to use me to speak words of truth and grace, and err on the side of grace always! People know they're screwed up, I know I show up late to things, I know I drop off the children late (sometimes!)....I need grace, help, a plan to improve not to be condemned.

On the other hand, you and I need truth, to talk about the things we're doing that hurt ourselves and others and to help people through those times.

Restoration, restoration, restoration, that is the goal of discipline, of truth in all this, Jesus came not to condemn the world, but that the world would be saved through him. That's my desire.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

What is Significance to Boomers, GenX and GenY

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Some observations in working with three different generations. What keeps them motivated? What do they get into? What do they not tell you with their mouths but through their myspace, silence, body language, etc. What makes them tick as far as feeling connected to an organization?

Boomers
1. A role, title, a stage. In other words, I find that Boomers need to know they are on the "team", that they have a role to play, and that they are unique in that role.
EX - It's important for our leaders to know they are in charge of the Christmas Eve Service.
2. Excellence. Boomers (this is a no brainer), value things that are well done. Efficiency, organization, clear assignments.
EX - A good rehearsal is when we start on time, end on time and finish the job.
3. Personal space. Don't talk to me for too long, don't call me too often, don't touch me!
EX - One of my musicians often reminds me not to hug him.

Gen-X/Busters, etc...
1. Involved and valued. X'ers value being valued. "Do you love me" seems to be their never ending question. In other words, even though I don't show up to things, and am too busy to show up to meetings, do you still want me around?
EX - One of our photographers came last night with near tears in her eyes, wanting me to use her photography even though I hadn't seen or heard from her in weeks.
2. Time spent one on one. If you value me, you'll mentor me one on one, not in a group because I won't feel valued. I dont' want to be one of your people, I want to be the ONLY one.
EX - After a long rehearsal, some of our musicians want to talk in the parking lot for 2-3 hours.

Gen-Y/Millenials/etc...
1. Many things all at once. Collaboration, relationships, working together not just with my peers but with the bosses.
EX - My painters often ask me about big events in the church, when are we going to do the Good Friday show? What about the annual meetings, when do we get to lead that?
2. Social causes and stop playing church with me. It's not enough to do the job, but it has to matter. And btw, why is church so weird?
EX - Last year, 300+ people came to a music and art show called the RoboShow, all put on by GenY'ers, which benefited the "Invisible Children". They raised a ton of cash.
3. Let's go play basketball and go skating. Soooo different than the Boomers and GenX, GenY wants to do group things aaaaallll the time.
EX - After a midnight rehearsal, all the guys invited me to go skating at ElDo. I went home!
4. Mentor me, don't teach me stuff. I've noticed this generation knows a ton of stuf, they need me to be their friend not their leader. Tricky, when I still have to lead them, but although tempted to do it the old fashion way and talk about vision, values, blah, blah, blah, I have stick to the plan - relationships, servanthood and bbq's at my house to have the RIGHT to speak into their lives.
EX - We had 20 artisans at our house last month for a bbq. For boomers that would have been one bbq too many. For GenY I am planning MONTHLY bbqs.

There is much more but that's a start. What do they all have in common?
Passion. I find that for the most part, all generations have a passion in their hearts for something greater than themselves.

I count it an honor (actually it's nuts) to work with all three generations right now. I respect each generation's thing while praying God can use me to move all of them towards Christ likeness and a passion for the Kingdom of God.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

How We Make Our Money Work

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A while back a friend said, "David, now let's talk money...how do you do your budget?"

As far as our income and expenses, I am a pastor and my wife works part time (2.5 days/week) as a public school teacher, we live in Southern California so you do the math. We live paycheck to paycheck.

Inspite of that, we give almost 20% of our income to charitable organizations. We believe God is pleased when we give. We don't give out of plenty, or obligation, but out of a belief that God wants us to give to others.

How do we make ends meet?

- First, we feel God has already given us more than we need. We live in a mansion, our children all have their own room, our bedroom is bigger than most people's homes, our house is worth a ton of $, we are in our mid/late 30's, and are relatively healthy.

- Debt, we drive used cars that are both payed for. I pay for seminary out of our own pocket (big sacrifice and it means 10 year plan). We have credit card debt around $4k left from our remodel which we pay $300.00 on each month. No car debt, no clothes debt.

- Starbucks. We don't eat out, we don't get Starbucks. We brew our own Smart N Final coffee every day, and Rachelle makes dinner (even after working all day), 4x a week. I make dinner 1x/week.

- Baby sitting. We pay $700.00/month in baby sitting, but Lucy also helps us by cooking 1x/week and cleaning the bathrooms and vaccuum 1x/week.

- Lawn mow, oil change. I mow the lawn 2x/month or so, and change the oil every 3-4 months. That saves us about $100.00 every 2 months.

- We use coupons for groceries, and again we DON'T EAT OUT! Eating out is usually 20-30% of people's expenses. We don't do McDonalds' for lunch, Chili's for dinner, or Steak House on the weekends.

- Movies, DVD's - we rent 2-3 movies per month, fun for us.

- We use Debit card not a credit card for monthly expenses so we are only spending what we have.

- We write Debit purchases in check register immediately.

- We shop with a list and only buy what we need. We go into a store with a plan and buy just that.

- We buy 20lbs of chicken when it's on sale at $1.77/lb. Watch for any meat sales. This is the most expensive item.

- We save $100/month for car expenses, etc.

These choices allow us to do greater things. We do family vacations every year, this year we went to Oregon. We do marriage vacations once a year, this year it was Pasadena. We bought half the ticket for my mom to visit us this summer from Nicaragua ($700.00). We had so much fun together.

Our budget is tight, and like most, we'd love a 10% raise and I wish R' didn't work. But this is because of the choices we make each month to live in plenty in things that matter and live in little in things that don't matter (like Starbucks brewing up new drink prices). And we get to own a home in Southern California, not a bad deal, although we sometimes feel like moving.

Basically, R' works so we can have a babysitter and give to charity. If she didn't work, we couldn't give 20% away. Instead of her not working (which she is ready to do), we are giving half her income to charity. We can live off of my income alone, but we couldn't give as generously, but we'd still give for sure!

In a year or two, R' will stop working, and then either my salary will need to go up by 15% in the next two years (good luck!), or we downsize and rent out our upstairs room (which is basically an apartment for 2 single or married people.) For now, we've told the Lord Jesus that our upstairs room is for missionaries in our city that may need a place to stay. We have an extra empty room downstairs where R' and I can sleep.

So my question to you is: How much do you give? I could ask you many other questions, and you may say you can't give because you can't afford it. But the reason we do a budget and keep to it is not so that we can have more for US, but so that we can give to OTHERS. This is our #1 budget conviction and we believe is the reason why we feel like millionaires.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Invest on Mobile Technology

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Watching a show last night where Vernon Irvin, executive Vp of VeriSign was being interview, they do internet verifying of signatures online, mobile devices for ringtones, text and the like. The vp was saying how most youth today use the technology but have no clue on the infrastructure required and on how to make money from working in this growing, exploding industry.

Vernon Irvin Bio:

Communications Services, Vernon Irvin is the highest ranking African American in the technology industry. He has more than 20 years of experience with companies in the communications sector and is widely recognized for his work with the mobile ringtone service, Jamster. Irvin also serves on the Network Reliability and Interoperability Council, which partners with various agencies and the communications industry on homeland security and emergency network issues.

How do I get started? I don't just want to use myspace, blogger, firefox, cellphone and a laptop, how do I get into the game and profit by working on the infrastructure? He said this is a multi-billion industry. No kidding! There are 33 million myspace users.

He said he started with a CSE degree, heck, that's what I have! Hmm.....this could subsidize a lot of Kingdom stuff in the city.

Anyone?

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Dedication this Sunday

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---- Press Release -----

To all Resonate artisans, craftsmen and servants, be sure to come this Sunday, Sept. 24th at 8am at Bethany Church Long Beach, CA for the Resonate Dedication in both 8:15am and 10:45am services.

Pastor Greg will dedicate us in front of the elders, deacons and congregation of Bethany Church. Exciting stuff. Let's step up and show our passion for King Jesus and this new generation.

Let me know if you''re not coming so I can start feeling bummed now.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

david

Humility while Leading

Welcome back. You belong here.

There have been many lessons in leadership for me these last few months, mostly good. Yes, I've had the occasional moment of wanting to hang the painter who the day we were supposed to get our murals done, decided he had something else to do. That was fun.

But I've learned a lot about humility while leading.

I'm the music and performing arts guy at Bethany. Don't ask me how I ended up here, I just did. I'm also worship leader for our Resonate emergent service, modern experiential, blah, blah, you know the type. I also do the morning contemporary deal. It's crazy.

When I started doing Resonate at the beginning of the summer I wanted seperation and uniqueness from the AM services, while maintaining unity in the values of our church such as the 4b's, life change, spiritual formation, etc.

Resonate had an amazing music group early this year. By the beginning of the summer, most of them had quit. Way to go new guy! Was it something I said?

But for the last two years, on the sidelines, while the old Resonate band led, had been 4-5 young men and women who have been wanting to be the 'next awesome thing' in Resonate, and instead, bummer for them, here they get me. Btw, I was asked to do Resonate and turn it around, not the other way around.

My choices were two:
1. Do my thing, my songs, my style and 'call people to my vision' doesn't that almost sound good? Which would have been stupid! or
2. Humbly learn from the 4-5 young men on the sidelines, allow them to lead WITH me, not FOR me, actually learn their songs, have them input into the order of things, the room set-up, etc. and instead of calling myself the MAN, I changed their strings, put batteries in their effects, cleaned their guitars, bought them a drum set and bass rig, bought them power bars for our rehearsals and had them (and their many other hungry friends) over to my house for a bbq. Genius!

The band sounds amazing, there is trust in the team, I've learned a lot of United songs which I didn't really like at first, and the future of Resonate is in place. And I get to lead worship together with them and see people actually get into worship (as compared to the AM crowd).

You see, that takes humlity and vision. Humilivision, vishumility, whatever. But most don't like it. It would make me look better if I came in the first day and said, this is my show, my songs, etc. You follow me. Other staff would have said, "wow, David is really in charge over there!" Instead, I served them, learned from them, fed them (often), earned their trust, visited them at LBCC (where most attend), and now we are leading together. And in that trust we have built, I am now able to say to them, "let's do 5 songs and a Scripture reading, instead of 10 songs and a lot of hype..." I can now say to them, "we all get to set-up the drums together, that means no one gets to worship while the drummer is working." Stuff like that.

I should be a worship consultant. I could make millions! Maybe I will someday.

The other day, a fellow staff came in and saw what we've been doing, the best comment was what he said in the car, "what you're doing there David is genius, real genius." God is good.

Now, I get to do the same with three actors, one of which recently wrote a poem we now call the "penis poem" which he read at a church event. Bad idea. Three dancers who are too busy to dance except they keep calling me to dance, huh? Two painters who I think are in love, and 6 band members who feel like the old guy who came in to improve Resonate is actually helping them.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Long Beach Pastors

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Today, 30 or so pastors under 40 met at Cal State Long Beach. Eric Marsh at Grace Long Beach and Brad Fieldhouse at Kingdom Causes organize the quarterly event.

Do you know why I like these events? R-E-L-A-T-IONSHIPS. Those slashes were getting on my nerves!

Yes, it's awkard being with the big hitters, little hitters, no hitters, in Long Beach Kingdom work - Parckrest, Bethany, Revolution, Grace, First Lakewood, and many church plants... And not everyone is fully integrated, some are more connected than others, some are more isolated, some more relaxed, and after all, we've all got regular jobs to tend to so who has time for "group assignments"? Well, I do.

Networking, job opps' for the future, praying for a pastor with hepititis, helping two Latino pastors meet Roger at Parckrest and Lou at Grace are all part of the process. And you see how funny pastors are, we are all so weird, wanting to take over yet doing it in a kind way.

The speaker Dick Kauffman from Harvest Church in San Diego spoke on "Missional, Grace and Gospel" centered churches. Amazing stuff. When he got to the part on the Gospel, I raised my hand, tears in my eyes and came forward to receive Jesus as Savior while the organist played "Just as I am"...I even got a Bible and the Gospel of John for free, well not really, but the gospel still does it for me!

What's needed at these events is more time together, more conversation, more from us. I missed the last meeting but this morning I was excited to go and it was great. And we have to visit each other more, be in each other's churches more often. I've visited over 20 churches in Long Beach in the last few years, just saying hello to my fellow pastors. Of course, most of us pastors 'work' on Sunday mornings, but when I get the chance I do it. It's a good way to say, "God bless what you're doing here..."

I still don't know what this group will do together, but that's not the point. Networking and relationship is the point, then it's up to us to follow up. For me, I want to hire me an exec pastor, a spiritual formation (sf) guy and a worship guy.

Hope you can do the same in your region.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

MySpace

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grace,

davidT

Back Update

Welcome back. You belong here.

My back is still sore but better. Sore as in sore to weightlift and run. It's pretty good for most other activities. I mostly feel it on my left buttock, like a pinched nerve.

It's been 6 weeks since I injured my lower back doing heavy squats. The first week I rested, the second week I was impatient and lifted and ran, bad idea. I was down for 3 more weeks. Last week I lifted twice and ran twice and felt better. This week my plan is to lift three times and run twice. So far so good.

My routine is:
lift - 4x/week
run - 3x/week
abs, daily
eat 6 small meals a day
protein drinks
vitamins
water

Today, I felt the best I've felt since the injury.

My eating is very good, sticking to the plan - 6 small meals a day, protein drinks, multi-vitamins, lots of water, no sweets, no high carbs, fried chicken or fats.

For example for dinner I had:
1 chicken breast, bbq'd, plain
1 c. rice
1 corn tortilla
veggies
water
no smores for me!

For my last meal I had a protein drink (50g), string cheese and apple, water.

The injury put me back 2 months. That's how long it will take me to get to where I was, so go injuries, they are a part of the weightraining sport.

Today I did arms and legs/abs. I took the day off today to be home with the children's first day back in school. My wife starts work tomorrow.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Treat them With Respect

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I want to become a great leader, always learning not just skill but character.

With Labor Day on our minds, here's "what workers want in a job" with my comments. Maybe you can ask yourself the same thing:

A Public Agenda Foundation study, coauthored by Daniel Yankelovich, came up with these top ten qualities that today's workers want in a job:

1. Work with people who treat me with respect
- I can think of at least two people I need to show more respect to
2. Interesting work
- I think what we do is pretty interesting, after all we use mics and spotlights
3. Recognition for good work
- I need to be better at this
4. Chance to develop skills
- We do this well, I often hear people say they're learning from each other and fulfilling their dreams
5. Work for people who listen if you have ideas about how to do things better
- I am learning how to change our traditional church culture by finding places where new ideas can be explored
6. A chance to think for myself
- I need to be better at this
7. Seeing the end results of my work
- We do this well, both weekly and in our annual events
8. Working for efficient managers
- I am not very efficient, so I have efficient people around me who are
9. A job that is not too easy
- We do this well by moving ahead artistically and in challenging and emphasizing character not just skill
10. Feeling well-informed about what is going on
- We do this well, communication is good both up and down the ladder

Our organism is pretty sound, we're focusing on character, community and creativity but we have room to improve.

Into the future,

davidT

Fun Day and Time Alone

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Happy 5th Birthday Isabela (3rd from the left, Kyra on the right joined us), "mi reina".

Prior to that, my wife and I had a great time away on a mini-retreat for our 11th year anniversary. Great time together.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Who's to blame for the U.S. obesity epidemic?

Welcome back. You belong here.

It would be easy and warranted to say that you and I are to blame for eating pizza, burritos, fast food and soda (and ice cream). But restaraunts, fast food, McDonald's all make major $$ off of over eating Americans.

That will never change, so you and I have to change our eating habits. I did three years ago and I haven't looked back since.

You can too. Ask me how.

Who's to blame for the U.S. obesity epidemic?

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

New Blog

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I'm starting a new blog on the new beta Blogger. It's almost ready and I'd love it it I could be more honest with it, like an invisible blog but just on the world wide web. Maybe I should add passwords like my friend Tim has done on his blog.

I get tired of writing what I'm supposed to write versus what I'm really going through. That's probably why I haven't been writing much publicly, it's public!

Somethings are not meant for everyone, but yet again I have the need to have everyone know what I'm going through. Why? Therapy, narcissism, all of the above.

I do trust God, and I do seek Him daily (well, most days), and I do hear voices in my head.

Being that only 2-3 of you remain, I'll give you the password and you can do the same with your sites. Can you tell I hardly slept last night as I'm making no sense! (I was up late loading the update for Reason 3.0 on the laptop, still not working).

Today, Rachelle and I leave for our mini-marriage getaway. We're stopping by a craigslist potential to look at a dining table. We currently use a 6-foot church like folding table. It keeps me humble, I actually bought the table for my grandmother.

My back hurts today and I feel all over the place with worries, but I'm keeping strong in prayer and seeking God.

This week I've been reading Psalm 145:

3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

4 One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works. [b]

6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

Today, I am choosing to meditate on God's works in my life (see concussion Dec-June). God has been faithful.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Wow, Long Time

Welcome back. You belong here.

Well, it's been forever, over a month since I've been here.

I hurt my back lifting 2 weeks ago and I'm hurting (heavy squats, lost concentration for a second and tweak!) Pain, pain. Ice bag, chiropractor, advil, all day every day. It's better, but uncomfortable and haven't done much lifting in those 2 weeks. But I'm eating according to plan and I can't WAIT to start lifting and running again, abs too.

I took some pictures of my progress until the injury, abs look good, chest, arms, legs. Need attention on shoulders and delts. Not bad, three years in. Will post some day, but not here, not now.

I haven't read many blogs either, not sure what's going on, just haven't felt inspired to write here. I write a lot, just not here.

Lots of stuff going on, spoke last Sunday night, first time in over a year, felt good, just got a book on communication once again. I am still at Bethany, yes I am, worship and in the Fall will start leading worship in the young adult service at 6pm. My job there is to develop Jeff, John and the rest of the next-gen worship leaders.

This Sat. is our 11th anniverary, I took the week off to celebrate, give Rachelle two days away alone at her parents house while I'm home with the three little ones and then over the weekend, we're at a hotel for 3 days, 2 nights alone. Can't wait. Little ones will be with her parents. 11 years is truly amazing, I look at her and I love her in a deeper way than even a year ago, after her illness, my concussion, recent job decisions, our marriage is more real than ever.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Daily Report

Welcome back. You belong here.

I'm losing readership according to my #'s, my guess that's due to my infrequent posting. So it goes. I may post more often some day, but for now it is what it is.

Thanks for reading if you're still here.

What am I doing these days:
1. Reading everything out there on "Liberation Theology" for my seminary paper due tomorrow (MA, Theology)
2. Re-entry from a great vacation in Bend, Oregon. I don't want to go back to work...
3. Building and mobilizing two creative teams for our Fall teaching series. One is on the HEART (evening), the other on EMBODYING THE LIFE OF CHRIST (morning)
4. Building a stronger worship band, musically and spiritually, discipleship, mentorship of young people
5. Evaluate why our Center of Music and Arts Camp didn't work this summer, we only had 6 sign ups, change in leadership may have been part of it
6. Desiring more time with our children
7. Needing a date with my wife, scheduled for next Monday night, catch a movie, talk, go out to dinner (We celebrate 11 years in August, I want to go to a marriage conference in La Jolla, CA and get away for the weekend in a nice hotel).
8. Tweaking my working out routine, goals are: cut 5% of body fat, increase 5% muscle, move to heavier weights and increase to 4 sets instead of 3
9. Eating is going well, cutting out a few grams of carbs and fats here and there, plenty of tuna, brocoli, salmon, chicken, rice and fruits, water all day long
10. Enjoying some new t-shirts (size M) and necklaces (accessories), new pants (size 33)
11. Crying, laughing, singing. Last night I was in tears while I lifted and sang "Take Off My Shoes" by Delirious from their "Mission Bell" album. Great song, I was in tears, hands in the air, cyring out to God in joy, determination, thankfulness for His mercy and grace inspite of my rotten attitude.

Cant' wait for my mom to return from New Mexico (in 10 days).
Got a nasty note from someone in the church about loud guitars and drums. Oh well. I like loud guitars and drums. I'm over it, hope they are.

Tonight:
6pm - Dinner
7pm - Lift (arms/back/abs)
8pm - Finish Paper

Oh, and I'm daily trying to figure out what great thing I'm supposed to do and how to use the PhD in Life that I have for the sake of others.

I need to spend more time alone with God, His Word and in prayer, my soul longs for it. Last night and today, I've been identifying with Christ's sufferings, realizing that even when work is hard, when I feel down, that the presence of Jesus is in it all (that's what Philippians 3 says, read it).

It's hot today! Arghhhh....

I gotta return a phone call from Jesse, director of the Long Beach Rescue Mission, who wants a Spanish band for his outreach in August. I think I'll do it.

I need to talk to Mike Silva about going to Guatemala with him in November to do a crusade and outreach to the poor. I would help with music. I feel I need to go, raise my own support ($1500.00) even if my church doesn't support Mike at this point.

There you have it.

Back to reading Gutierrez, James Cone, Sobrino and the rest of the Liberation theologians. Pretty good guys.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT