Relationship Goo and Coming Out of My Super Hero Eggshell

Welcome back. You belong here.

I need to become more Emotionally balanced
Counseling – I’m a good candidate for long term counseling (said Laura, my counselor after 8 weeks of therapy). I agree.
The safety net was gone at 12yrs old, came to abuelita who caught me, she was my other safety net, but now that’s also gone. Now it’s just me (and Jesus and the Body) and the courage to have God lead me forward and to the vision He has given me
To lead my wife and children
I don’t want to get stuck in emotional goo

Emotional goo keeps me from doing God’s work
Relational goo is not always bad, but sometimes it paralyses me
I will not lose my heart for God, my wife, and our children in the process of becoming more focused and courageous
The cost will NOT be my heart, Jesus nor my wife or family
The cost may be relationship, separation anxiety

But that cost is no cost at all, the real cost is in NOT doing what God tells me to do
Things are eventually better when you do what’s right in God’s eyes, although relationships may change
For example – My relationship with staff, with my wife and children are all changing this year. WOW!!
I am moving from adolescent goo, "I need you, you’re my mother and father, hold me, kiss me, love me", to passion, purpose, intentionality and CORE
I will always need those things, but I'm becoming more aware of their negative effects and where they came from (see Nicaragua childhood)
MY CORE IS – The Gospel, God’s Glory, Evangelism, Worship, the Arts, the Word, my wife and children, my family in Nicaragua

I want to lead our children from this CORE not from relational goo
I want to lead with vision and purpose, not relational goo
Goo and relationship sustain vision not the other way around, Vision is 1st.
Vision comes from sitting on the porch with God late at night, talking, listening to His voice

I am coming out of the Super-hero eggshell
Inside of me, there is a Super-Hero
I am making better choices these days
This is a season of SWINGING BRIDGES for our church and my personal life
In other words, I haven't landed, we're on the bridge, it's swinging back and forth, it's uncertain, but we're in it together and it's taking us to the other side, to the landing

I am looking for the landing
I am getting ready to land
This BRIDGE may last 1-2 years
The landing will be my life for the next 10-20 years
I am learning to be more courageous and take the risk to be TRUE to God's call on my life
Yet, that process requires more FALLING APART, in other words, being true to my pain, aches, sadness, hurt
But that hurt leads me somewhere, it’s not the end
I’m discovering my heart for evangelism once again, for postmoderns in LB

My wife and I are doing 40 Days of Discovery – ends Sun June 4th, 2006, to discover God and His will for our lives
During my wife’s recent illness - I became the GLADIATOR, I had been the poet and priest but I became the hairy chest, sword in hand, come on I’ll lead us through the mud babe, machete in hand kind of guy
I became EL ZORRO!
I am great at being a priest and poet
I do that well and it's very important, like Job, and Moses and David
But they were also GLADIATORS, I am becoming both

My challenge is to not hang on to the past but to lead forward
My challenge is to lead versus hanging on to relational goo and shrink back
My opportunity is to lead with passion, love and clarity

The future is NOT clear, the future is God and His vision
I don’t know the future as a futurist as in man-centered future.
My future is prayer, faith, vision from God, from listening to His heart, from the burden in my heart, like Nehemiah, like Paul, like Solomon asking for wisdom

This is like adding a second story to my house which we did 2 years ago.
I have to strengthen the exisiting foundation and add parts of a new one
So I can build up and grow up
It's expensive, dirty, lengthy, a huge mess!
But now we have a 2-story house
It was all worth it
We use it to live life and share it with others

And my holiness has to increase
My wording while leading has to go up
My language has to go up
My schedule focus has to go up
My love has to go up
My prayer dependency has to go up
My budget
My down time

My vacation
My annual planning
My rest and fun
My exercise and eating well
My speaking out against sin, selfishness

My education and training has to increase
My simplicity has to increase
My musical skills have to increase
My relationships have to increase
My asking for help has to go up
My being honest about my weaknesses has to increase
My reading has to increase
My time with Rachelle has to increase

Jesus has to increase
Jesus
Jesus
Jesus has to increase
Jesus has to go up
Holy Spirit has to increase
Father has to increase
More of Jesus
Less of me

That makes sense now...I get it!

Some things have to GO
Wasting time may have to go
Sitting around on the computer may have to go
Emotional overload may have to go
Sin has to go
Out of control schedule has to go

For the sake of growing up and becoming more mature in Christ
For the sake of my wife
For the sake of our children, 7, 4 and 2
For the sake of my joy
For the sake of the harvest and the Kingdom of God until I die or He returns

What about you? What's your goo and egg shell? What's the super hero inside of you look like? What has to increase, what has to go?

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

What do You Cry About?

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I am often amazed how much I learn about my leaders just by going to their work place, their home, seeing their car (ouch!). Most of the time, we spend time with leaders in a controlled environment, staff meetings, rehearsal room, church. And most of the time it's an environment we control.

Last week I visited Russell's job. He is a civil engineer and works on Auto-CAD most of the day. In the arts, he does media work for us as well as arranging details for our parks and off campus events, he plays bass, plays in one of our bands and is a good friend.

Russell dreams about running sound, doing podcasts, doing his job well, being a good dad (he has four children 7 and under). He cries about...actually I'm not sure what he cries about, I need to ask him that next time.

I dream about: An urban church in Long Beach.
I cry about: Selfishness and self-centeredness. My own as well as others.

There are a few questions Leadership Wired recommends we ask when getting to know our people.

1. "What do you dream about?

A person's dreams are powerful revealers of passion. When a person starts to talk about their dreams it's as if something bubbles up from within. Their eyes brighten, their face glows, and you can feel the excitement in their words.

2. What do you cry about?

Passion can be uncovered by peering into the hurts deep inside a human soul. The experience of pain or loss can be a formidably motivating force. When listening to a story of grief, you hear a voice thick with emotion, you see watery eyes flooded with feeling, and in that moment you glimpse the intense connections between a person's deepest pain and their greatest passion."

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

What Would Jesus Direct?

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What would Jesus direct in Hollywood? Remember "The Passion of the Christ"?. And now comes "The DaVinci Code." I still don't get those Christians who are 'boycotting' the movie.

This is a great conversation for our actors to discuss.

So What Would Jesus Direct? :

"MR. FLAHERTY: Nothing's more transformational in human existence than faith. So no matter what story you are telling, you want to make sure that is a part of the story that's represented. I think that one of the more powerful films that will come out this year is the Oliver Stone movie WORLD TRADE CENTER. It's about two New York City cops, and they were stuck in a hole -- one for 12 hours, one for 24 hours -- and about the amazing things that happen in terms of when they were praying down there, their families that were praying for them, a gentleman in Connecticut who was in church who said that he felt like he was being called to the World Trade Center and eventually rescued these guys. I think too often we forget how mystical and magical our faith is, and I think we're really starting to recapture that.

Mr. WINTER: Movies get made for a lot of reasons, and this festival celebrates filmmakers who want to make movies and want to make statements and show their art, and it doesn't matter. They don't care how people react. That's great. Studios make movies because they want to make money, because it's corporate America, and because of the spreadsheets, and so it is a 'flavor of the week' kind of business and it is 'How can we get this movie to the widest possible audience?'

LAWTON: Going back to the title of this panel, which is 'What Would Jesus Direct?', what is Jesus's next big project?

Mr. BOCK: I think the question can't just be what would Jesus direct. I think it's got to be what would Jesus direct and what would Paramount distribute, because, look, film is a collaborative process. It requires a lot of money. It requires literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. You guys have all watched the credits. There's this playoff between what filmmakers want to make and what a studio wants to make as well."

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

The Weight of Influence

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With influence comes responsibility. You won't gain greater influence unless you're responsible on the current things. "faithful in the small things, put over greater things" is the law. As my responsibilities in the worship arts move from one worship service to three in the next 6-12 months, I am challenged to grow in my leadership.

As influence grows, I have to grow with it. I am challenged to be the man God has called me to be. The greater the vision, the greater the responsibility.

The other thing I'm challenged is in the focus of my leadership. In the worship arts I could focus artists on very accepted things in the church today:

1. Performance
2. Excellence
3. Media
4. Excitement
5. Buzz
6. Numbers
7. Church Growth
8. Relevance
9. Style

You name it, churches do it, including ours. And those things aren't bad, it's part of the worship arts machine. But at the CORE, what I am about are not those things.

At my core is an authentic life in Christ, a genuine relationship with Jesus that is current, which first changes me and then others. And at the core, core you know what I bleed for? Reaching lost people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And at the core, core, core what is there? The Glory of God.

So you can layer my CORE VALUES as follows:
CORE, CORE, CORE - the Glory of God
CORE, CORE - The Gospel of Jesus Christ
CORE - A life in Christ

This is what I hope to be, this is what will influence others. I need others to pray for me as I seek to become this man to my wife, children and the Body.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

What's Your Communication Language?

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Leadership is about communication. No matter what type of communication - home, work, fun, music, friendships, communication is something we all have to do.

So how to communicate with others in today's culture? Note: Most of these comments may be applicable primarily to the U.S. and other developed countries. Other places may be limited in their forms of communication, although the rest of the world is quickly catching up.

Before email, text messaging and cell phones our options were letters, phone calls (land lines or pay phones, remember those?), beepers, and visiting one another's homes (wow, where did that go?). And that's only going back 10 years or so.

Today, most of my leaders resort primarily to email. The problem with that is that when Andrea emails Dean, but Dean is not an email guy, he's a cell phone kind of guy, they miss each other. Sometimes Jack calls my work line, (i'm a cell phone and email guy) and it takes me days to get to my work phone and we miss each other. In the mean time Daniel texts me at 10pm about an important meeting tomorrow at the Coffee Bean at 9:30am and I email him back because I don't want to spend the extra cost on texting. But he didn't check his email in time so he wonders if I'm showing up or not.

Sometimes people use email with those they are not close to or comfortable with. Others may use text with their close friends but not with mom and dad. Sometimes the way you communicate with someone depends on the purpose of the interaction and the relationship you have with that person.

With your boss, you may write a letter or formal email, with your best friend you might text or call them on their cell phone. If you want the news to be processed first and you are afraid of a quick response, you might email. If you are not a confrontational person or the other person scares you, you might email them instead of calling.

The important thing in all this is to know your people's 'communication language'. As in 'love languages' people receive and express commmunication in a particular way.

My communication language is the cell phone, just call me. I love talking to people on the cell phone (hands free please!). Face to face is #2. I'm a relational kind of guy.

So the Main 6 Communication Languages are:
1. Email
2. Cell phone
3. Home or work phone
4. Text message
5. Face to face
6. Blogs and web based forms (myspace.com, etc.)

Some people (especially Boomers), still use letters, office memos, copying files to a CD, etc. The other day, a Boomer friend of mine gave me a CD with one word doc in it. I thought, wow, that's ancient. And again, based upon the nature of your conversation and relationship, you may have to write a letter.

My advice is, know your own particular communication language and most of all know your people's, friends, etc. communication language. Communicate with them in a way they understand. Otherwise, you may never hear back from them.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Wise Decision

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Wisdom says I should finish my Talbot paper, do laundry and pick up our children at school. What I want to be doing is support the L.A. Immigration rallies.

I am staying home, watching it on TV. I think that's the wisest decision today.

This is a very important issue for me, I have been an immigrant in this country my whole life, became a U.S. Citizen last month, and will never forget the path that got me here. I support Bush's immigration plan.

Wherever your stance, let's seek unity and understanding, especially as followers of Jesus, we need to know the issues and seek a resolution. Don't divide, unite.

KEY POINTS OF THE BUSH IMMIGRATION PROPOSAL

• Workers in the United States illegally join a temporary labor program.

• Those now-illegal immigrants then can apply for permanent residence but get no preferential consideration.

• Employers hiring these workers must show they cannot find U.S. laborers to fill their jobs.

• These undocumented workers get guaranteed wage and employment rights.

• These workers receive a temporary three-year visa, renewable once. They are expected to return to their countries of birth once their visas expire.

• Congress is urged to increase current annual limit of 140,000 "Green Cards.".

• The Department of Homeland Security is to administer the program.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

How to Drink More Water Everyday

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FITNESS TIP OF THE DAY: I used to hate water, as in 3-4 years ago - the taste, everything about. Since I started Arnold's Bodybuilding program (together with Body For Life) 3 years ago, I drink water all day long. And I take potty breaks...all day long.

Now, I actually really enjoy the taste of water, no joke!

I think drinking water has helped me stay young, make my skin look better, lose weight and clean out my system. I drink tap water and buy bottled water as well. I carry a big bottle of water wherever I go. If you know me, you know it's true.

You may think you drink enough water, but by the amount of times I see people drinking anything but water, I wonder if you drink enough.

This may help: How to Drink More Water Everyday.

Into the future,

davidT

Two Steps Forward, One Back

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Tough week. My wife's symptoms persist, today she's pretty sore, in tears again, discouraged at the length of the process. How did she get this? When will it end? What exactly does she have? Tomorrow she has another doctor's appointment with the dermatologist and more results from her latest blood work.

Yesterday she was better though. Less pain, the rash is drying up, the anti-viral medication she's on seems to be helping. She takes Tylenol for her joint pain, steroids may be required post-virus.

Today, I'm at school studying for my midterm later this afternoon. I don't want to fail this class, I want to finish my MA in Theology, it's very important to me.

As far as my own symptoms (concussion) they're lessening. I finally can accept that the injury was pretty significant, although the CT showed no bleeding or swelling. But the recovery truly will take me 6 months or more. It's been 5 months and I still feel symptoms - light headache, pressure in injured area, eye pain, light dizzyness. But God is faithful, I am much better, probably 80-85% normal. Now, it's my wife who is not well. Amazing.

This has been a tough season of illness for my family. Back in Nov I had my concussion, in Dec. we dealt with my abuelita's 1 year anniversary of her death, I then started feeling anxiety and panick attacks in Dec through March. Now all of April my wife has been sick. I have felt weary, tired, mad, angry, in tears, but I keep trusting God.

And look at the POSITIVE signs. I'm better, our children are healthy, our cars are running, we've had time off from our jobs to get better, our doctors have been helpful, no major virus has been found in Rachelle's body (pray this continues), she is getting better slowly. God has held me through abuelita's death, our home is amazing, we have had TONS of people helping us, praying, bringing us food. I've grown SO MUCH in helping my wife with the children, laundry, groceries, shopping. My wife and I have prayed more than ever, calling each other, helping each other out, talking things out, crying together, laughing, praying, just living life together.

We will be through this someday. This storm will pass, spring will come. The Spring of My Soul will come, in fact it's here because the light of Jesus shines in our home daily.

My mom is planning on coming from Nicaragua sometime in May. The ticket prices are crazy, but we will sacrifice and bring her. She needs the time away and I will LOVE having my mom near during these trying times.

My sister Amanda is going through marriage problems, they don't know if they will make it. Nine years of marriage, it's terrible to see.

Im trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord.

Work is busy, wow. We're expanding to two more services in September and I'm helping lead them. I need to work on a plan of action to see that happen, seek advice from others that have done it, etc. I am VERY excited about the possibilities, but right now I feel so overwhelmed with our home situation it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I do see it. It's the light of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

You may read this blog and think, he's never happy. I write honestly, certainly more on the sad end of things than fun, fun, fun. But I do smile at times, I do enjoy life most days. I smile every time I see our children, when I became a U.S. Citizen a few weeks ago, when I saw Larry and Jay do so well at our Good Friday services, working with Laura was a joy.

I smile often, but it's through tears. I cry often, but don't confuse my honesty here, my tears with a sad life. I have an amazing life, a joyous life, my joy is not always laughter, it's confidence.

It's strength.

Peace.

Calmness.

Faithfulness.

Trusting.

Intimacy with God.

Quiet in the storm.

Giving.

Growing.

Changing.

Selfless.

Focused.

Serving.

Leading.

Passionate.

Broken.

Falling appart.


Yet not destroyed...


Yet not hopeless.

Yet not in dispair.

Yet not pretending.

Yet not fake.

Yet not religious but real.


Instead...


Alive in Christ.

Alive in His hope.

Alive in His resurrection.

Alive in His death and Passion.

In the seasons of Lent.

In the seasons of Easter.

In the hope of Pentecost.


* * *

This is life. This is my life, a combination of many things. I imagine so is yours.

But you know what is the greatest emotion and truth in my life? It's not that life is hard, though it is. It's not that life sucks, although at times it does.

It's that God is faithful. That He is near. That He is full of grace and truth, that the Body is near, that He is good, that He loves me, that He is all powerful and righteous. That the Spirit of Pentecost is with me today, that the Spirit is my counselor.

And there is a mission I am meant to live out, a mission with my wife, to our children, to Long Beach, to the world, to Nicaragua and Russia, to India and the Philippines.

I will survive, I have my whole life ahead of me. I will not fold the camp, I will not be sad anymore. I will not be quiet anymore,

I will rejoice in God my King. We will return from captivity back to Zion (Psalm 126) and dream once again. Then the people will say, "Surely, God has been good to them."

Yes, He has.

Lord, heal my wife. Lord, be near to us. Come Quickly Lord.

Amen.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

I Miss My Wife

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The last three Sundays, I haven't had my wife with me at church. I've missed her. Due to her illness, she missed all my last major Sunday events - Good Friday, Easter, the Sunday prior and today. She is my peace when I'm working, just knowing she's in the room, sitting with our children.

Today after church, I sat on the stage steps, called her and just began to cry. I missed her so much. But I know these are but temporary trials leading to an eternal glory. I know that God will see her through and heal her. She is showing some signs of improvement, less joint pain, her rash is drying some. Those are great signs.

I treasure these feelings, these times of sadness and joy, of trusting and seeking after God together. Soon we'll be through this and our marriage will be that much stronger.

I sure know a lot more about running the house than ever before.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Home Lessons

PICTURE: Becoming a U.S. Citizen. Amazing day with my family next to me. My sister in law Meredith (no longer pregnant, baby boy born yesterday!), me, my father in law Dennis holding our boy David Dennis, my mother in law Lynette, my sister in law Suzanne. My wife is sitting down holding Canela and Isabela.

Welcome back. You belong here.

Random thoughts while on a small break. Just put David (2) down for a nap, changed his diaper (again) and our two girls are in their room playing with Ana their 10 year old friend from down the street. Rachelle is upstairs passed out on Vicatin for her joint pain. She has a 3 o'clock with her dermatologist. I'll be home with the little ones. Maybe I'll squeeze in a run later today, already did 15mns. of abs (reverse/regular crunches, core work on the ball). Maybe I'll even do chest/back once R' gets back. I made dinner last night, couldnt' bear spending $20 on Charro Chicken (I can't get used to that stuff). Tonight, a family from church is bringing us dinner, so kind of them. Huge help. Thank you.

Random thoughts while running the household for a week or two:
1. On poopy diapers (sorry about this one). When dispensing of the 'goods' from the diaper (we use cloth diapers half the time), unto the toilet, watch out for splash unto lips and mouth. Again, sorry, but thus is my life this week.

2. R's love language is 'acts of service'. Men, it's about the love language, over and over again, more, more, more. Just give in already and start doing it. What is your wife/husband's love language? Don't know? Better get knowing.

3. I think the right side of my brain (concussion side) swells up every time I lift. Post-lift I get headaches, see spots and feel pressure in the injured area. Nice. I'll try taking Advil prior to lifting next time. Stop lifting? Never. I see my doctor next Monday.

4. Food is expensive. I've been to Smart 'N Final twice this week. Each trip, $80 to $90 bucks. I hardly bought anything! Eggs, milk, fruit, bread, tuna, bananas, apples, crackers, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, the usual stuff.

5. My wife's car has not moved in 2 weeks. It's amazing how much that car usually moves. The only time it moves now is when I roll it out of the garage so I can get to my weights (I have a home gym).

6. I've had the lawn mowed by other people twice this month. I've NEVER had that happen, I mow my own lawn about once a month. But it's just been too much with all the sickness and stuff. When you're going through junk, you gotta know what is priority and what is not. R's health, priority. Me doing the lawn v. paying $20, no brainer. I'll mow my own lawn soon enough.

7. Talbot Seminary School of Theology. Oh yes, school. I'm behind on my paper already (it was due last week) and our midterm is next Thursday. I'm studying as much as I can. About 2-3 hours this week so far, but I need another 4-5 hours.

8. Work. Churches should give their pastors as much time as needed to tend to personal illness and their wives. I should not have to take vacation time to care for my wife. This should be paid sick leave not vacation.

9. Reach out. I used to do this alone, meaning the whole I'm struggling bit. Now, I call friends, ask them to help us, etc.

10. I complaint a LOT less. I used to have weeks or days like this when I'd do a lot of stuff around the house, but I'd complaint about it. Points Scored with Wife = ZERO. Now, I hardly complaint, keep score or notice how 'much I'm doing'. Guys (or ladies), if you're still keeping score, you better stop it, it'll get you nowhere and your face will turn sour. Smile and do your work.

11. My gramma (abuelita) was right on so many levels. She used to tell me "serve your wife, love her, help her, help her, help her."

12. Domestic work has a routine. You can't go crazy doing everything at the same time. I do dishes at night, empty the dish washer in the morning, do laundry in the mornings about once a week, do grocery shopping about twice a week, should be once. Bathe the children every other day, they're down at 7:30pm, up at 7am. Naps/rest time at 1:30pm, wake up around 3pm, snacks graham crackers and toast while they watch 30mns. of their favorite video. Mondays and Fridays are No-TV, No-Computer days. And remember, don't beat them up or harp on them, be kind, love them, praise them often.

13. Children are messy. At least ours are. I ask them to pick up their toys all day long, but then I back off, I don't want to be a noise in their ears. Sometimes our 7 year old says, "I know papi, I know..." Yes, she knows, let her be. But they are messy!

14. Children are fun. They smile, dance, hug you. They play outside, get tired and enjoy their milk, peanut butter and apple sauce. They notice everything. Mom's rash on her arms when she took off her sweater today, "mom, your arms are red!" They also miss the routine Rachelle usually brings, my wife has taught them SOOOOO many good things. Wow, okay, now I'm about to cry. She is such an amazing teacher and friend to these little ones. They love me, but they miss her.

15. Children have their comfort stations. When Rachelle is back home (usually after being gone for 2-3 hours at the doctors), and she sits on her chair and picks up the phone to call the doctors, again, little David runs to his comfort area, his I'm happy station - the piano. He then grabs his red bucket full of cars and trucks, asks for the piano lid to be closed (it's usually open from Canela and I playing it) and he begins to line out his 20-30 cars on top of the piano. It's his comfort station, his comfort activity, something he does when he feels happy. I'm officially in tears now.

We all have a comfort station don't we? Mine is probably this laptop and blog. What's your comfort activity or station? When life is good, what's the thing you naturally veer to?

I love my life, I love Rachelle, I love our marriage. It's real, it's sacrificial, it's normal.

Our romance comes in me holding R's hand full of rash, red bruises and bumps while she cries in bed late at night and I'm praying for her, stroking her beautiful black hair telling her "God is with us, I'm right here, it's going to be okay." I love my life. Thank you Lord.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Trading My Sorrows For Joy

Welcome back. You belong here.

Today is my birthday, #37, amazing how that happened. My wife is sick, but we had a great time together today. Today there was no cake, no ice cream (I wouldn't eat it anyway), no huge gifts, no balloons, party or singing. Today I did 4 loads of laundry, made my own birthday dinner, took my own pictures, I did get to lift (arms/legs/abs).

Yet I have been surrounded by love from many places...

My mom called from Nicaragua and left me a message and my little niece Michelle (8) also left me a message in Spanish. My uncle Al who lives here in Long Beach also called. Very kind. My sisters who also live in Nicaragua sent me e-cards, so touching. I miss my family back home.

My friend Suzanne, whose birthday is also today, came by and dropped off a nice gift and she sang to me. My friend Justin who plays drums with me, left me a voice mail. My friend Amber sent me a nice card, my friend Brian emailed me. My aunt Beckie sent me a nice card from Colorado, my aunt Sonia sent me a book from Las Cruces, NM. My sister in law left me a voice mail. Sunday, as a post-US Citizen/birthday, my father in law Dennis took me to a Clippers Basketball game (my first time at Staples Center) and a GC to a local bookstore, my mother in law Lynette got me a cake and our whole family sang "Happy Birthday."

My wife kept hugging me. The best gift she can give me is to rest and get better. She has a virus the doctors still can't figure out. She has a rash on her arms and legs, joint pain, prior to that swollen throat glands and fever. She's better from some symptoms, but the joint pain and rash are still bad. All day I've been surrounded by our children, they each gave me hand made birthday cards (those are the best), with their handwriting in them. They played all day, sang, danced around, just being a joy.

This week, it's been my privilege to serve my wife, even on my birthday, and you know what...I love it. It's a new kind of marriage we have, events are nice and needed (Mother's Day wil always be huge), but our love grows deeper with the trials we go through together.

The best part of yesterday was worshipping with her and the children on our front steps, singing "I'm trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord..." Today, we sat on the steps and I cried on her shoulder. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by her illness, running the house, seeing how the children (especially little David (2), miss her and my own concussion symptoms which are recurring at times but better.

So it goes today. I'm home this week, resting, post Easter, post Good Friday (which were breathtaking), taking care of my sick wife, and it's a privilege. We had to cancel our vacation this week to the mountains, I had rented a house in Big Bear for three days, it's dissapointing, but there will be another time.

I can't complaint, my life is amazing.

Amidst illness, missed vacations and headaches, there is LIFE in this place because of our hope in Jesus. We are trading our sorrows for the joy of the Lord. Yes, Lord, Yes, Amen. The celebration of the resurrected Christ didn't stop on Sunday for us, it continues today.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

R's UPDATE; Thurs. 4.20.06: My wife's rheumatologist said it seems like erythema multiforme, a serious allergic reaction. A friend (nurse) also thinks she may be dealing with Steven-Johnson syndrome (a more severe case of erythema multiforme, not yet diagnosed). Her partial lab work came back normal, we're now waiting for the rest of the blood work to come in. She's feeling pretty miserable and frustrated. Thank you for praying.

UPDATE#2; Fri. 4.21.06: By the way, did you notice those guns on picture#1! Just looking at the facts folks, just the facts...lol. R' took more Advil last night and slept better, she was in tears at 11pm with joint pain. This morning, her dad took her to the doctors, the doctor said they are still waiting for more blood work to diagnose her disease. They gave her Vicatin for the joint pain. She said the current blood work looks normal. Weird, but that's good news. I hardly slept last night, just got back from a bike ride around the block (4th time this week), with our little ones. They are such our joy. I've changed David's diapers more times this week than I had in his first two years. I used to change Canela's diapers almost daily, but I had slowed down since. This has been an amazing lesson for me on how much more I can help Rachelle as well as how enjoyable and even bonding it is just do the normal bathing, clothing, feeding things for the children.

Google Calendar, WOW

Welcome back. You belong here.

I have a feeling Google Calendar is going to change my life. Just thinking out loud.

How many times do you get people asking you the same question, "when can we get together?" This way I can say, check my calendar online. This is not new, Yahoo calendar and others already do this, Google's Quick Add feature is what I like the most. Check it out.

See my availability in the next few weeks, when we can meet, come to my BBQ and U.S. citizenship lunch, Good Friday and Easter events, etc.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Coming Up-Amazing Weekend, Trusting God

Welcome back. You belong here.

Coming up, Today:
1. Run, abs this AM, done
2. Lifting, probably not until Sat.
3. Talbot Seminary, 1:30pm
4. Good Friday Rehearsals, every night this week, 6pm-midnight

Friday
8am - LA Convention Center, I become a U.S. Citizen, very emotional experience for me, I wish my abuelita was there to see me, she is the reason I was able to survive in this country. Thank you abuelita Amanda.
12n - Lunch to celebrate with my family
3-midnight. Good Friday rehearsals and services 7pm and 9pm.

Saturday
9am - Run, abs, lift
11am - Easter rehearsal
Afternoon - BBQ at home with my wife and children

Sunday
7am-2pm - Easter Services, 8am, 9:45am and 11am
4pm - Basketball Game (Clippers) with my father in law (father-son time)

Next Week
Vacation, off from work for 1 week!
Wed-Friday, Pine Summit, Big Bear with my wife and three children, play in the snow? rest, play, play, play

READING: Psalm 23, "The Lord is my shepherd..." Praying, worshipping to "Fairest Lord Jesus", "Everything", "Come and Listen", Crowder, Passion Hymns, Tomlin

UPDATE: Still waiting for R's blood test results, today she has more energy, throat is less swollen. God keeps healing her.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

On the Verge of Tears

Welcome back. You belong here.

I feel constantly on the verge of tears these days. My wife has mono, well, now the doctor called yesterday and said the blood tests said it's not mono that she has to do more blood work to see what it is. She feels miserable, sore and swollen throat and glands, achy body, little energy, headaches, some fever.

Amidst it all I hang onto my God and King. Last night I was calling him Father. "Father, I need you to be near me, raise up my wife from this place. I pray the tests come back normal and that she can be healed from whatever she has. Father, be near me."

And Good Friday and Easter is in full swing, working 60-70 hours the last few weeks, directing a group of about 100 artists, dancers, singers, etc. It's a privilege.

This is when the resurrected Christ makes sense to me. Why do I believe in the Resurrection? Because if Jesus is not alive, I have no hope when I pray for the healing of my wife, for the strength for my body, for the clarity in the storm. If there is no risen Christ, how can I be raised from this time of my life?

My concussion, headaches, dizzyness, counseling, work challenges, now my wife's non-mono, not sure what she has. It's been a challenging three months.

My heart is steadfast on the risen power of Christ, Jesus my Lord, Father. In him I trust, in Him is my moving and being, in Him I rest. I am challenged every morning as I feel on the verge of tears, to leave it at the cross, to trust God with it all, to not expect the worse but to stay calm and trust.

And in the middle of it all, the graces come like rain. Rachelle's teaching partner (R' has missed 6 days of work), is sub for her which means less sub plans for Rachelle, Kelly is picking up our 7 year old after school, Madie is coming over tonight to help with the night time routine as I do another 6-midnight rehearsal, Charlie brought some food the other night, her mom brought her flowers. The graces come from unexpected places and soothe our souls, they comfort us. "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me..." Psalm 23.

UPDATE:
1. It's time for a new blog header - Winter is over, Spring is here
2. Running this AM, 30mns. was good. Abs, coming up, lifting will have to wait until Saturday. Good Friday is taking up too much of my extra time.
3. This Friday at 8am, I wave the American flag and become a U.S. Citizen at the LA Convention Center together with thousands of people. "Welcome to my country."

Thank you for praying.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Three Things I Enjoy

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Three things I enjoy: Running (exercise), writing and worshipping/singing/playing my guitar. From the mountains of San Bernardino at our recent "Heart of the Artist" retreat.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT