Ten Ways to Survive a Church Consultation

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Three weeks ago, our church hired a church consultant to evaluate our church. Staff met with them one at a time, then as a group all day Saturday (that was long!). The consultants also met with two focus groups of 25 each, people from the church, asking them questions about the church's health. Prior to that, everyone in the church was given a survey of about 100 questions ranging from spiritual growth, to children's programs, sunday services, youth, leadership, etc. Out of the 1500 or so people at our church, about 800 took the survey.

This was my first experience with a church consultation. Although my father in law has done many of them and I have been a part of his world for a while now, and although I have been a part of his focus groups in the past, I had never been a part of it as a staff person.

The consultant gave the church 5 things we're doing well and 5 things we're not doing so well. I will spare you the details. But the strenghts deal with our lead pastor and the spiritual growth of our people, the things to work on primarily deal with staff relationships, structure and execution.

I had a friend ask me during my recent low blog posting if I had received a bad review. No, in fact, the worship arts area came out in the top 5 (out of 25) strengths of the church. My recent struggles have dealt more with communication and affirmation.

That doesn't mean that the church consultation was easy. It was hard. I wasn't scared of losing my job, I went through that 4-5 years ago during a regular staff evaluation. It was at that time when I surrendered to God my salary, mortgage, security, title, etc. of working for a larger church. I think that "How to Survive a Church Consultant" starts with surrender. If you work for a church, or any organization for that matter and you have someone from the outside giving you feedback into your role and 1000 people giving their opinion on your performance, you better go into it having surrendered your job to God. Otherwise, you'll be controlling, manipulative or on the other side, defeatist, negative or resistant. I've seen it.

Almost a month later, the church consultant has turned in his final report, individual reports on each staff member to our executive and senior pastors, individual reports on each worship service of the church (my area). I survived the church consultant and learned a lot. Actually I would say what I almost didn't survive wasn't the church consultant, but other non-consultant issues that I had to deal with.

So here we go, for the next time your church goes through a consultation. I wish I had known some of these things going into it. And if you're not in 'professional ministry', these are still helpful for any job review you may go through some day.

These are just my own reflections on how I felt. This is not a study of a thousand staff, this is just me.

So here are the "Ten Ways to Survive a Church Consultation":

1. Surrender your job to God. Either you do it, or God will do it. Seek God's will in the middle of the process.

2. Be ready to think you're the one that needs to go. Everyone on our staff later confessed that they thought they needed to go. I did.

3. Performance matters. Spiritual growth and a good heart are great, but you also need to perform, set goals and be intentional. On the other hand, I wish this was different and more of an emphasis was placed on being v. doing. Otherwise church begins to feel like a business. I can perform, but I'd rather be thoughts of both in my performance and being.

4. Get some rest, eat well and exercise. I must have been up at 2am just about every night of the 2 week process. So was everyone else, we joked we should have all called each other. I can help with the workout part. My exercise and eating program helped me get through this.

5. Celebrate genuinely. Leaders sometimes have a hard time looking at the positive. Many great things were said. Out of the 25 areas, 24 were rated as good or excellent. It's important to celebrate those things with your staff and most of all with your whole church community.

6. Think and communicate honestly yet respectufilly in your one-on-one meeting. We spent 45mns individually with the church consultant. Don't pose, don't lie, don't protect your job or manipulate things. Be honest about the good and the bad, about yourself and the issues. These guys see right through your posing and trying to look good in front of them. The more honest yet respectuful that you are, the more you will help the greater cause.

7. Clearly articulate your job responsibilities. Don't assume they know what you do or that everyone thinkgs you're great. Tell them what you do, be specific and paint a picture of your vision and passion for God, His Kingdom and your area of ministry. And in case things don't work out for you, you never know how that can help in the future. Church consultants are in the business of connecting people.

8. Think big picture, not just your specific area. If you are the type that can contribute to the overall vision of the church in a constructive manner, talk, add your two cents worth. Leaders lead, they don't just protect their own skin. What a church needs in these situations is hope, guidance, leadership, not safety, withdrawing and seclusion. If you're a leader, lead.

9. Deal with the Issues. The Consultation is just the beginning not the end. This is a process, not a one time fix all. I hope in 10 years we have another church consultation. Since the consultant left we've cried, had special all day long staff meetings, met with support staff, senior staff, young staff, we went on a spiritual monastic retreat to pray, we've written about it, confessed sins to one another. This has been the most difficult, emotionally tiring, yet rewarding part of the process. To come together with one another and work through stuff has been amazing. I feel this is where the Spirit of God has been most evident. I say this because only the Spirit can make grown men talk so openly and learning to trust one another.

10. Do you feel called by God, not man, to your job, city, vision. Do you have a God-given passion for what you do, for the staff you do it with and the city you do it in. Wow, this is SO HUGE!! If not, all else is selfish. You have to be about the Kingdom of God, not Bethany, not your mortgage payments or your fame and being right. I think some on our staff are not supposed to be in full time ministry, most are. Everyone one of us has to come to that conclusion in their own time. This is about the Kingdom of God, His Reign and His Glory, not yours or mine. This is why we do it to begin with, and for me, that's what I'm about. I am committed to Jesus, the Cross and Resurrection and His Kingdom. To see people worship and be transformed by the presence of God, to equipping worship leaders for the Kingdom, to missional relationships in Long Beach and to the salvation of those without hope in the darkest areas of our city. I am committed to selflessness and giving myself to the Kingdom inspite of my comfort, glory or fame. Have your way in me Lord, have your way in me. Not to us, but to your name be the glory. Amen.

I hope these help. If you want to talk more about the process, please let me know.

Into the future,

davidT

Another Low Post Week

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I guess it's fair to say that I'm in a blogging slump. It's been a good one this time, since the blog fast a few weeks back.

Not sure what's going on. But I think it deals with a few issues:

1. Just in a blogging slump, no big deal
2. I'm dealing with some big issues in ministry, life and direction, so maybe I'm thinking internally a lot
3. My creative energies are going elsewhere. I'm probably feeling as creative as I've felt in 6 months just not in terms of blogging
4. Im burning out on blogging, maybe
5. I have nothing to say. Well, that never stopped me before...

Into the future,

davidT

What's the Image About?

Welcome back. You belong here.

Perhaps you're wondering what the new header is about, in case you can't see it, it's new.

The image is from Nicaragua, it's the statue of "Miskito Indian" in the middle of the street in front of the central park in Puerto Cabezas, Nicaragua where my father grew up.

To me it represents much of my background and make up. The pick axe speaks to my desire to work, provide for my wife and children, and for my family back home. The machine gun, although a symbol of war and violence, for our country (US folks don't get this yet), it represents defending what is yours, standing up for your rights, being true to oneself. It would be somewhat similar to the pride associated with "God Bless America", but different because it's a reality I've literally lived through, the pain of war is all over my life and affects my family and thousand others still to this day.

In Christ, we are free, we are a new creation, I believe that. But this is about bringing culture and faith together, something that we all do, it's just that for some of us, the connection was made early in life and in trying ways.

Perhaps you can identify images in your life that bring faith and culture together. Maybe it's a childhood memory, a 4th of July party, some of the recent tragedies our country has been through, perhaps those things brought about in you a connection between different aspects of your life, faith, culture, passions, values, love.

That's what this image does for me.

Oh yes, one more thing about the image, the abs! The dude is ripped! I'm not going to show you pictures of my abs, but I'm telling you, I'm in the ballpark. Fun, fun.

The self-portrait with the band aid on my face, is from Russia. All the children in our room wore the Nelly-like bandaid for a couple of days just for fun. I'm a serious person, so to see the band aid on my face, smiling, reminds me of how God made me smile like a child for the sake of the orphans in Moscow. It was a great God moment.

Into the future,

davidT

How's My Marriage

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While away this last weekend at our retreat of silence and meditation, the four of us pastors spoke about our marriages and how we're doing. Very real stuff. Pastors aren't exempt as many of you know, from difficulties and struggles in marriage. We all shared our ups and downs, our love for our wives, some struggling more than others.

One night, two of us stayed up late talking about our marriages. My pastor friend has been married for 5 years. At one point he said to me, "I know I love her, I just get so frustrated with her..." Been there, any one else?

We talked about how when I get frustrated with Rachelle, I do something to help her. My wife's love language is acts of service, so when I'm changing little David's diapers and there aren't any diapers in the drawer, and little David is crying, wetting the carpet (he's 2), and I can't find those darn diapers, I have two choices: Either I get mad and rant and rave about how she should have had that drawer filled with diapers (been there done that), or I get up, go in the closet, open a package of new diapers (which she bought), get a few out, fill the drawer back up and change David's diaper. There, problem solved! Wasn't that easy?

But to those of us husbands who struggle with wanting things to be easy when we're home, I've learned that doing something about the situation rather than complaining is the best thing for your marriage.

Other people may struggle with time spent. Some wives might say, "My husband is never home, he's always at work." Some women's (or men's) love language is not gifts or hugs, it's time spent. In other words "I want you to spend time with me."

While driving home from our retreat, one of our pastors received a phone call from his wife. It's her birthday this weekend and she wanted him home right away. At the time we were stuck in traffic, a good hour away from home. After arguing back and forth, she hung up on him. Ouch.

He told us how he was already spending time with her that evening, and yet she wants him to come home and spend time with her right now. We counseled him on how she must have been feeling. She's just spent three days ALONE with their 1 year old son, and on top of that it's her birthday oh yes, and he hasn't been home in three days. Her love language, the thing that means love to her is time spent. We adviced our young friend to go home and spend time with his wife, the work will get done and his marriage is at stake. He went home.

That night when we stayed up late, I confessed that some times I feel like I'm not a success in certain areas of my life. For example, I wish I had recorded a CD or two by now, that I would make more money, that I would have completed by masters degree, (I'm almost done!). But one thing I feel I have gotten a Masters' degree in is in my marriage to Rachelle. I feel like we have a successful marriage.

It's not the lack of struggles or that we don't have things to work on, but it's the intentionality of our dating every other Monday night, learning to speak her love language (I do laundry, do the dishes, cook, clean the floor, take the children to school, etc), the marriage conferences we've been to, the times in the morning praying together, praying for the children together almost every night. It's talking on the kitchen table, working on our finances together, talking about sex together, about struggles at work, about being more generous, about serving our elderly neighbor together, about holding each other at night and sleeping on the same bed together.

For those and a thousand other little things, I feel we have a great marriage. It's a marriage made up of two broken people that need the grace of God every day. It's a marriage tested and tried now 10 years in. We still have a long way to go. It's a marriage with two great sets of parents that have worked on their stuff every year. But most of all, it's a commitment to keep working at it, to pursue each other, to not become roomates or parents raising children.

I need my wife, she needs me, we're not perfect, we're not Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura, we could make stupid decisions tomorrow that would change everything, but the love that we feel for each other drives us forward. I really do love my wife. She loves me.

My grandmother used to say, 'as long as there is love everything is possible..." Such wise words. I believe that's true.

If you're struggling and needing help in your marriage, ask yourself, do I love my husband? Do I love my wife? If not, ask yourself, what are the elements that are keeping me from loving him or her and start to work on building the love back into your marriage.

Into the future,

davidT

The Process of Leadership

Welcome back. You belong here.

One of the big themes in my life lately has been leading well for the second half of my life. This last week, four pastors from our staff spent time at the Mt. Calvary Anglican monastery in Santa Barbara for prayer, lectio divina and meditation while in community. It was refreshing.

As we spoke and prayed, I was able to verbalize what I believe God has been doing my life lately as I move towards a better definition of my gifts and talents and focusing those things for the Kingdom. I explained to them the process I'm going through of saying no to things I don't do very well and saying yes to the things I do very well.

It all came down to two big areas, transformational worship arts and missional relationships in the city. In some ways it's nothing new, but it does eliminate wanting to be many things and many people that I'm not.

Next time, I will talk more about those two things and the refining process of getting here. It's been humbling and at times very tough. I've had to surrender a lot in the last few weeks, but in return God has provided a renewal in the vision for my life.

Into the future,

davidT

Spring of My Soul

Welcome back. It's been a while. You still belong here, and so do I.

The name of this blog is Spring of My Soul. I still like that name. It's still what's happening in my life. The title came from reading Psalm 27

Psalm 27:
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD ;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD .

Wait for the Lord...that's the line that inspired this blog. The waiting through the darkness, leads us to spring. Wait for the Lord.

I started this latest version of my previous blog "Colors of Long Beach", now archived by our friends at blogger, after the "dark night of my soul" back in 2003-2004. That darkness included the loss of my father, the pending death of the woman who raised me from age 6 (who died Jan. 3rd of this year), and other stuff. After the darkness, I figured, will come the Spring of My Soul.

Then Amanda Morales, my mother-figure 'abuelita', who lived in our home for the last 5 years, (I lived in hers for the previous 30), died and my world came tumbling down. During these last week of my blog fast, I have found myself in tears, sobbing at the foot of the bed in what used to be her room, saying, "I miss you so much!" Such is grief. All the grief classes and counseling I've been through with my father and now my grandmother tell you the same thing, "you gotta go there to get though it."

Then in the last few weeks, a few conversations, some confrontations, and a lot of thinking, writing, praying, (this blog would have 20-30 posts if I had been posting during the last 10 days), I find myself at a weird place of both excitement and sorrow.

The sorrow comes from things said to me that I'm still working through. Things that have hurt me, but that I'm surrendering to God one day at a time. On the other hand, it's been a time of great excitement as my wife and I and our three children have given up control of our jobs, home, stability and security, of Long Beach and even California, and have said to Jesus, "have your way in us", lead us and we will follow.

I don't know where this is all going. In some ways, I feel this is a natural process of growing up, of becoming a man, of looking at the second and third halves of my life and focusing in.

I am realizing that part of the Spring of My Soul had to include taking things away, as in my grandmother, my father, my securities and assumptions. On the other hand, it's brought me strength, faith in God, and a confirmation that I am desired by Him, that He wants to work through me, that I am useful in His hands.

I don't know why it's taking me so long to figure out such a simple concept, God can use me. But it's not a thousand people telling you this that will change your mind, it's not your wife or your boss that will convince you, in some ways even your mother and father can't make you a believer, although all those things really, really help.

It's when the man, or woman shuts out the noise, closes the door to his or her room, kneels before his Father in heaven and hears the voice that says, "you are my beloved, you are valuable to me, I want to use you, I created you as you are, I will do a work in you, you will do great things for me. Get up, keep walking, keep your heart on me, fear God and shun evil, be in community with others, I will do great things through you, keep going, keep going..." That's the message I needed to hear, and although I've heard it before, now I'm beginning to believe it.

And you know what, it's been a thousand voices echoing the same thing all around. The council of witness supports me, my wife, our children, the 1st grade class I sang to yesterday from 9:30-9:45am. As we sang "Humble King" my heart was stirred with love for them and for Jesus. And then as I sang "Only You" last night at my friend Thien's new church plant. There we were in downtown Long Beach, leading worship to urban postmoderns at the Blue Nile, a downtown café. As the Word was being taught and my friend Jamie and I stood in the back I thought, "this is part of the vision, years of dreaming of this night, here I am doing it. Lord Jesus, you are great."

There is hope, there is joy. I will always like sad songs more than happy ones. I still don't like country music, Faith Hill or Tim McGraw. I am the same person I've always been. If not for my running and lifting and eating plan, I'm not sure I would have physically gotten through the last few weeks. But Jesus has been my all, and my friends and the Spirit's aid have been my council.

The silence in this blog for the last 10 days, the fast, the dedication to not posting and writing for the world has been good. Pakistan and India, Katrina and Rita, Mexico and El Salvador, Nicaragua has elections in 2006 that will determine its fate for the next 25 years, a lot bigger things are happening in the world than in my own life.

But in this space and time, my desire is still the same, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, His Kingdom, our city, passion, love, color, beauty, expression, hope and joy. He still captivates me, saturates me, enibriates me as Delirious says. That is my #1 passion and desire, and to love my wife daily. By the way, I've become a bit of a gourmet chef lately. More on that later.

So I'm here again. I must admit, I almost didn't make it back. It was close. Maybe nex time I won't fast as long so my first post back won't be as long as this one. Hope you are still reading. If not, don't worry, we can always catch up tomorrow.

Into the future,

davidT