Can I Change? Well, Something's Changing

Welcome back. You belong here.

Today I laughed at myself in front of a thousand people. Usually, when things don't go as I planned them I go fetal. I don't do well with change, in fact, I hate change. For the last few months, my therapist has been talking to me about being like an Olympic athlete and use all parts of my brain. Due to trauma in my life as a little boy (separation, loneliness, having to raise myself) as well as just how God made me, my feelings have been off the chart.

When most people use all parts of their brain, rational, feeler and the present-now to make decisions, process information, etc. I mostly use my feelings. It's what makes me the artist I am. But it has it's hangups.

But today, I was able to bring a lot of what I've learned the last few months into a moment without trying to laugh at myself. It just happened. I did do a bit of self-hate, another flaw, but not too bad. That's also part of the process.

I've been dealing with heart palpitations for 8-9 weeks just about every day, am taking medication for it (not helping yet), etc. This has made me anxious. But days like today, together with what I'm learning about how God made me are all doing something new in me. I actually feel like I'm changing.

This huge elephant in the room who is me, is trying to change. Not easy, and the process has been so difficult (and expensive!). But God continues to walk with me, and so many things seem to make sense more than ever.

Mostly that even the things that seem impossible, whatever those habits, patterns, attitudes (for me is taking everything so personal) can change.

May this give you hope and encourage you to pursue a better you, to seek to be the person God has made you to be, and to see any difficulty you're going through now as a possible part of the process of healing and restoration.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Getting in the Way of Progress

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Leaders do get discouraged and sometimes even quit when the status quo gets in the way of change.

From a friend who recently quit due to opposition to progress:

"I'm sorry you didn't know that I was leaving. It has been quite the fuel for the gossip fire lately. I resigned because I love... and still want to hang out and be part of the community.

There are people and organizations in .{AUTHORITY}... that are determined to stall any progress or change in .{AUTHORITY}.... I'm a lover not a fighter and I cant take it anymore...I don't have any words of wisdom or suggestions to be honest. Please continue to work with...{AUTHORITY}.. You are awesome and I appreciate all your support!"

How painful.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

If This World Could Only Change

Welcome back. You belong here.

If you would never leave me
If these chains would not pertain
To this fragile mind, to the fear inside my head

Then my life would be so great
But share with you again and then
I would become the man you want
You want me right?

Don’t leave me, don’t leave me
You’ve never left
You know I can’t go on without you
I can’t make it without you
Don’t leave me
In this place
Don’t leave this man
In this lonely place

If I would only stay right here
And not go back to that place
Of fear and worry, of anxious not's
Not strong enough, not sure enough, not anyone

To see the canyon below
This crazy thought is trying to show
That life is bigger than my little head
My little head, is filled with big thoughts

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT

New Things

Welcome back. You belong here.

Hot AND cold water to brush my teeth
Rolling down the window, honk the horn
Talk to the driver next to me
In the middle of a minor blizzard to ask for directions

Special squeegee for snow
Frozen driveway
It takes longer to get in and out

We’re tired by 7pm
Working hard to think about everything
We don’t want to take our coats and hats off
It takes too long to put them on!

How do we get to church?
64th doesn’t go through to Wadsworth
70 Saturday, 40 Sunday and snow

Yes but…

Fun to play in the snow for children
Bike ride in cul-de-sac on a sunny day
New house is amazing
Terry’s gift of grace

Gary and Cindy’s kindness
Canela said, very organized house!
Canela – I’m an artist, I like to read and I play the piano
Did my first CO snow angel
Snow is so quiet and beautiful
Mountains seem blue and white

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT