Welcome back. You belong here.
So what does a man do the day after Christmas?
1. You Tube his son (4) on drums
2. Laundry
3. R' to Target at 7am (me, home arbitrating new stuff and who gets it when)
4. Did I mention the drums, LOUD! In our Living Room! Can you say sound paneling?
5. Water backyard
6. Work day on Saturday, things seem to break (and not get fixed) during the holidays right?
Hope your Christmas was great. Probably one of the best moments was adopting a family on 7th and Lime Ave in the LBC. We brought over $500.00 of new toys, clothes, ham I baked myself, a Christmas tree and carols. 10 of our family members went to their one bedroom apartment, to visit Carinna, an immigrant single parent coming out of gangs and her 5 children ages 9 to 6 months. Her niece, teenager, is also staying with her during Christmas (here from Mexico). They both spoke of being abused as young girls by their parents and how they struggle forgiving them.
I spoke to them from John 6 of Jesus being the Bread of Life, of Him being our forgiveness, of the grace and mercy of our God. I told them that we hope the gifts would remind them of the love of God, that God knows exactly everything and yet loves them no matter what. She kept saying how tough it is to forgive. We can't even imagine. She had tears in her eyes.
We listened to them, loved them, prayed together, our children playing with theirs as one family. They spoke mostly Spanish, but the language didn't matter, we were there in the Spirit of God and love.
I learned so much that night, that even beyond "giving" to a family in need, that the message of forgiveness and grace is so important. The pain in Carinna's life is evident, and no church or pastor can heal her heart, only the grace of God can.
And those gifts in her house, now opened, her children playing, perhaps on to the next thing, represent to her more than stuff. They represent the grace of God and the forgiveness of God offered to her.
I don't think Carinna has yet experienced this forgiveness, but in a way she experienced it in those moments when we were one, our families in Christ, offering love and acceptance to each other. The rest is up to God.
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sabbath Day#3 Talking to God and the Day Before
Welcome back. You belong here.
The day before is usually worst than the day after. Tomorrow is my echo and although it should be fine it still makes me nervous. For years, whether CTScans, MRI's, ultrasounds, and a myriad of tests, I've always expected the worst - brain tumors, anyurisms and tomorrow is no exception. Btw, all these tests have come back normal/negative. I live in the what if. It sucks.
I'm also taking two beta blockers instead of one starting tomorrow, to see if that helps my heart palps. They bother me every day throughout the day.
I did other things today, but none that really brought me peace. I finished the handrails for both set of stairs, got our family 2 nights, 3 days at a hotel in the area (mini-family vacation) and went for a drive. That was eventful.
When I arrived at my destination (some mountain foothills nearby, it was snow-blowing), I wrote to God in a way I haven't done in a while if ever. It was about God being an "absentee father" in my life. I wrote page after page of the effects God's absence caused on me psychologically and physically. There was blame, doubt, some anger (not much), it was more methodical than emotional.
I went through event after event over my last 20 years where I didn't see God. Where were you God when....I resisted thinking of all the ways I think, or others would say, he's been there in order to stay in the moment and be as honest as possible.
This is something that I haven't done much if ever. It was uneventful to say the least, more like a surgeon than a hurt son. I was testing the process in a sense to see what would come of it. Nothing came of it, except to feel pretty much the same, distant from God.
In the nice things of life, the nice people, the good days, finding God is almost no fun. It's obvious, not that God was there, but that you're feeling good so who needs God then? But trying to make sense of the trauma of my childhood while "God just stood there", what do I do with that?
My counselor (as well as my spiritual director) both tell me to keep talking, to tell God everything. I'm not sure there will be some emotional outburst on the other end of this, right now it's mostly a hurt person being very linear and truthful about a situation that is beyond repair. The hurt was done, I live with the consequences daily, God didn't spare me much and so now I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I'm not saying God doesn't help me in that, it's just I'd rather He'd kept me from the trauma to begin with.
Towards the end of my time "with God", I tried to think of something miraculous, something supernatural in my life that I didn't create, I didn't do FOR God, but that God has truly done for me. A sign, or many signs that God does care.
The word that came up was "grace". It's been in the grace people have shown me when I was at my lowest that I see God. I can't say that was people being nice, or me being lovable. I can't say it was something I asked or forced them to do. I can't say I deserved it, in fact, I felt I deserved punishment. And this was more than once in my life.
Instead, grace is the closest thing to "the Son of God" that I know of. It's something I can't explain away, but it is something I have received. So maybe in my conversation with God, even though I heard no "I'm sorry Trig for leaving you alone" nor "Yeah, you're right I was absent", instead I heard "Grace".
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
The day before is usually worst than the day after. Tomorrow is my echo and although it should be fine it still makes me nervous. For years, whether CTScans, MRI's, ultrasounds, and a myriad of tests, I've always expected the worst - brain tumors, anyurisms and tomorrow is no exception. Btw, all these tests have come back normal/negative. I live in the what if. It sucks.
I'm also taking two beta blockers instead of one starting tomorrow, to see if that helps my heart palps. They bother me every day throughout the day.
I did other things today, but none that really brought me peace. I finished the handrails for both set of stairs, got our family 2 nights, 3 days at a hotel in the area (mini-family vacation) and went for a drive. That was eventful.
When I arrived at my destination (some mountain foothills nearby, it was snow-blowing), I wrote to God in a way I haven't done in a while if ever. It was about God being an "absentee father" in my life. I wrote page after page of the effects God's absence caused on me psychologically and physically. There was blame, doubt, some anger (not much), it was more methodical than emotional.
I went through event after event over my last 20 years where I didn't see God. Where were you God when....I resisted thinking of all the ways I think, or others would say, he's been there in order to stay in the moment and be as honest as possible.
This is something that I haven't done much if ever. It was uneventful to say the least, more like a surgeon than a hurt son. I was testing the process in a sense to see what would come of it. Nothing came of it, except to feel pretty much the same, distant from God.
In the nice things of life, the nice people, the good days, finding God is almost no fun. It's obvious, not that God was there, but that you're feeling good so who needs God then? But trying to make sense of the trauma of my childhood while "God just stood there", what do I do with that?
My counselor (as well as my spiritual director) both tell me to keep talking, to tell God everything. I'm not sure there will be some emotional outburst on the other end of this, right now it's mostly a hurt person being very linear and truthful about a situation that is beyond repair. The hurt was done, I live with the consequences daily, God didn't spare me much and so now I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I'm not saying God doesn't help me in that, it's just I'd rather He'd kept me from the trauma to begin with.
Towards the end of my time "with God", I tried to think of something miraculous, something supernatural in my life that I didn't create, I didn't do FOR God, but that God has truly done for me. A sign, or many signs that God does care.
The word that came up was "grace". It's been in the grace people have shown me when I was at my lowest that I see God. I can't say that was people being nice, or me being lovable. I can't say it was something I asked or forced them to do. I can't say I deserved it, in fact, I felt I deserved punishment. And this was more than once in my life.
Instead, grace is the closest thing to "the Son of God" that I know of. It's something I can't explain away, but it is something I have received. So maybe in my conversation with God, even though I heard no "I'm sorry Trig for leaving you alone" nor "Yeah, you're right I was absent", instead I heard "Grace".
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Friday, March 07, 2008
Down the Street
Welcome back. You belong here.
Down the street there is a family, they have three children. Our little boy rode bikes together with them this morning (nice sunny day) and so I joined in on my bike as well. Not a family I would normally hang out with, but trying to break through my stereotypes.
Things that are different here:
1. Colorado Tan (store down the street)...is there such a thing as a Colorado Tan?
2. Cold all day long (25F). Yes, it's also sunny and we like that, but I'm getting tired of putting jackets on/off/on/off/on/off. I'm thinking of just sleeping in my jacket tonight.
3. Churches everywhere. Wow, I counted about 20 from school to home today. Some even meet inside other churches. My friend told me that "even the snow is Christian in Colorado", maybe he's right.
4. Making a difference. There are plenty of people here that have no faith, no sense of God. I met many of them at the YMCA this morning while working out, at the Juice Stop, at Big 5, children's school, at Office Max. Both Rachelle and I have had many opps to talk about God and serve people.
One example was Rosa at the children's school EL Foster, a bilingual inner city school. She spoke no English and was trying to register her boy in preK. Rachelle busted our here Spanish skills to Rosa's huge surprise and helped her out, we hung out in the parking lot for 10-15mns. Good stuff.
So far, this has been an amazing experience for us all. Lots of grace, lots of redemption, lots of dreams coming true. It's almost too good to be true. I want to blow it all up and self-inflict pain.
Today a friend told me, "don't dump on your own parade, it'll soon dump plenty on you without your help." After being in a blowing up mode for the last few years, it's hard to accept grace. Jonah (Jonah 4) had a hard time with it as well, remember the worm? I am that worm, just want to eat a good thing away and destroy it instead of enjoying it.
Better go and just enjoy this beautiful day.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
Down the street there is a family, they have three children. Our little boy rode bikes together with them this morning (nice sunny day) and so I joined in on my bike as well. Not a family I would normally hang out with, but trying to break through my stereotypes.
Things that are different here:
1. Colorado Tan (store down the street)...is there such a thing as a Colorado Tan?
2. Cold all day long (25F). Yes, it's also sunny and we like that, but I'm getting tired of putting jackets on/off/on/off/on/off. I'm thinking of just sleeping in my jacket tonight.
3. Churches everywhere. Wow, I counted about 20 from school to home today. Some even meet inside other churches. My friend told me that "even the snow is Christian in Colorado", maybe he's right.
4. Making a difference. There are plenty of people here that have no faith, no sense of God. I met many of them at the YMCA this morning while working out, at the Juice Stop, at Big 5, children's school, at Office Max. Both Rachelle and I have had many opps to talk about God and serve people.
One example was Rosa at the children's school EL Foster, a bilingual inner city school. She spoke no English and was trying to register her boy in preK. Rachelle busted our here Spanish skills to Rosa's huge surprise and helped her out, we hung out in the parking lot for 10-15mns. Good stuff.
So far, this has been an amazing experience for us all. Lots of grace, lots of redemption, lots of dreams coming true. It's almost too good to be true. I want to blow it all up and self-inflict pain.
Today a friend told me, "don't dump on your own parade, it'll soon dump plenty on you without your help." After being in a blowing up mode for the last few years, it's hard to accept grace. Jonah (Jonah 4) had a hard time with it as well, remember the worm? I am that worm, just want to eat a good thing away and destroy it instead of enjoying it.
Better go and just enjoy this beautiful day.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
What Does a Man Do?
Welcome back. You belong here.
So what does a man do the day after Christmas?
1. You Tube his son (4) on drums
2. Laundry
3. R' to Target at 7am (me, home arbitrating new stuff and who gets it when)
4. Did I mention the drums, LOUD! In our Living Room! Can you say sound paneling?
5. Water backyard
6. Work day on Saturday, things seem to break (and not get fixed) during the holidays right?
Hope your Christmas was great. Probably one of the best moments was adopting a family on 7th and Lime Ave in the LBC. We brought over $500.00 of new toys, clothes, ham I baked myself, a Christmas tree and carols. This was my wife's vision and heart.
Ten of our family members went to their one bedroom apartment, to visit Carinna, an immigrant single parent coming out of gangs and her 5 children ages 9 to 6 months. Her niece, teenager, is also staying with her during Christmas (here from Mexico). They both spoke of being abused as young girls by their parents and how they struggle forgiving them.
I spoke to them from John 6 of Jesus being the Bread of Life, of Him being our forgiveness, of the grace and mercy of our God. I told them that we hope the gifts would remind them of the love of God, that God knows everything and yet loves them no matter what. She kept saying how tough it is to forgive. We can't even imagine. She had tears in her eyes.
We listened to them, loved them, prayed together, our children playing with theirs as one family. They spoke mostly Spanish, but the language didn't matter, we were there in the Spirit of God and love.
I learned so much that night, that even beyond "giving" to a family in need, that the message of forgiveness and grace is what they need most. The pain in Carinna's life is evident, and no church or pastor can heal her, only the grace of God can and time.
And those gifts in her house, now opened, her children perhaps moving on to the next thing, represent more than gifts. They represent the grace of God and the forgiveness of God offered to her.
I don't think Carinna has yet experienced this forgiveness, but in a way she experienced it that night as our families in Christ, offered love and acceptance to one another. It wasn't just us giving to them, we all gave to one another. The rest is up to God.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
So what does a man do the day after Christmas?
1. You Tube his son (4) on drums
2. Laundry
3. R' to Target at 7am (me, home arbitrating new stuff and who gets it when)
4. Did I mention the drums, LOUD! In our Living Room! Can you say sound paneling?
5. Water backyard
6. Work day on Saturday, things seem to break (and not get fixed) during the holidays right?
Hope your Christmas was great. Probably one of the best moments was adopting a family on 7th and Lime Ave in the LBC. We brought over $500.00 of new toys, clothes, ham I baked myself, a Christmas tree and carols. This was my wife's vision and heart.
Ten of our family members went to their one bedroom apartment, to visit Carinna, an immigrant single parent coming out of gangs and her 5 children ages 9 to 6 months. Her niece, teenager, is also staying with her during Christmas (here from Mexico). They both spoke of being abused as young girls by their parents and how they struggle forgiving them.
I spoke to them from John 6 of Jesus being the Bread of Life, of Him being our forgiveness, of the grace and mercy of our God. I told them that we hope the gifts would remind them of the love of God, that God knows everything and yet loves them no matter what. She kept saying how tough it is to forgive. We can't even imagine. She had tears in her eyes.
We listened to them, loved them, prayed together, our children playing with theirs as one family. They spoke mostly Spanish, but the language didn't matter, we were there in the Spirit of God and love.
I learned so much that night, that even beyond "giving" to a family in need, that the message of forgiveness and grace is what they need most. The pain in Carinna's life is evident, and no church or pastor can heal her, only the grace of God can and time.
And those gifts in her house, now opened, her children perhaps moving on to the next thing, represent more than gifts. They represent the grace of God and the forgiveness of God offered to her.
I don't think Carinna has yet experienced this forgiveness, but in a way she experienced it that night as our families in Christ, offered love and acceptance to one another. It wasn't just us giving to them, we all gave to one another. The rest is up to God.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
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