Where do Songs Come From?

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I'm no Paul McCartney but I'm a songwriter.

I've been writing songs since I was about 17. I remember writing my first song during a boring class in high school (probably Algebra) which I promptly named "I Don't Know What to Write About." Since then I've written over 100 songs, some of them here and here.

The other day, Isabela our 9 year old asked me "Papi, how do you write songs?" Her question got me thinking not only about the process of songwriting, on a guitar, on a piano, lyrics first, melody first, etc but on the source of songwriting.

So where do songs come from?

I often wonder if bands like Switchfoot or Coldplay (bands I admire for their songwriting) worry they will one day run out of songs and will be dropped by their labels. I wonder if one day Chris Martin will get up and nothing pops into his head. No songs about love, life, loss, wonder, love, love and love.

I wonder if I will one day run out of songs.

But then I realize that's the answer right there. As long as there is love on this earth, and more importantly as long as there are feelers in this world who feel, there will be songs.

This morning I woke up feeling, thinking, processing, crying. No, I didn't write a song, but every time I get these feelings I realize a song is being born.

It's a real gift. Not that I'm a gifted or talented song writer (I'm pretty good), but the gift is to feel, to be alive, to be able to process information and life in an artistic way, whether through painting, writing, music, design, speaking, etc.

I remember one time sitting at a coffee shop with a friend talking about our "talents" (pretty short conversation I tell you!). I told my friend how basically jealous I was of him, a USC grad, his dad a successful banker, he was a young church planter starting churches in downtown Long Beach. I was doing nothing as cool. All I was doing was playing music.

I remember telling him "Music is not a gift, what you're doing is a real gift. I wish I was doing what you're doing" He turned to me in a very serious way and told me "Trig, I wish I could play music. What you have is an amazing gift that God's given you that you should feel lucky to have." I still didn't believe him but now, years later I can say that my friend was right.

Music is a gift.

Life is a gift, music is a gift and for those of us who view life in melodies and colors, life is music and that is a pretty good deal. I hope to write many more songs in the years to come. I think I will.

Thoughts?

A Worshipper and Child of God First and Foremost

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I love worship and justice. But at the end of the day, Justice is the other side of my first love - Worship.

In my life, I've experienced some amazing times of worship. Here's a quick list:

1. Worshipping in the car with my dad as adults to the song "Hermoso Eres" in the church parking lot
2. Leading "Te Exaltaré" in Nicaragua during a missions project. The unity of both churches, both cultures and the song itself filled with the Spirit's presence was amazing. I could near hear God singing with us
3. Singing "Tu Fidelidad" at my father's funeral while his brother, my tio Saul cried in the back of the church. I felt the Spirit of God flowing through me
4. Good Friday 2007, "Sing to Jesus" a production I directed called "Gethsemane", sung with choir, orchestra, young adult band. I still remember sitting in the bell choir stage to the side and crying as the song was sung. I heard God saying "I am pleased with this David"
5. The 1st time I came to my current church. I felt like I could worship here.
6. The 1st time I went to my previous church. I felt I was a kid in a candy store
7. Songs like "Solution", "God of this City" that speak of God's love for the nations
8. A story my mom told me of "bainas" in worship. My mom told me that one Sunday (Palm Sunday?) my dad wanted the worship to be more joyous in our church, so he brought hundreds of been bainas, dry, shaky, beans sheaves. Can you hear them? They sound like maracas, like tamborines, loud. My mom said during worship, everyone worshipped God with these bainas. It must have sounded like Heaven on Earth. So my dad.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Late Bloomer

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I must be a late bloomer. Since I can remember, I've had a love for music and writing, and even though I've written songs for the last 10-15 years, I've never written them down, completed them much less play them for others. Well, I have done a few of them before but nothing like this.

Last week, I had my first rehearsal with my band, rehearsing 8 of my original songs. My intent is to record a CD and play around town this summer and see how well they are received.

I sometimes wonder why it's taken me so long. I have tons of friends that by age 18 have written songs, formed a band and been to just about every club, coffee shop or venue in town. Why did it take me so long? I must be a late bloomer.

In some ways, my childhood and normal progress was stunted due to the trauma of growing up with out my mother, father and sisters. They loved me but they weren't able to be in my life for most of it, from age 12 till today. So much of what's happening now, this harvest or confidence, is a result of processing all that.

Counseling, meditation, trusted friends, God's Spirit, all have combined to bring about this very slow progress. Much more growth and change is still needed. Writing and publishing my songs is part of my coming out and becoming the man I'm supposed to be. Feels great.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Sabbath Day#4 and 5 Echo, Yoga and New Songs

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Days 4 and 5 of my Sabbath week have been amazing, got through the echocardiogram (no results yet), but hoping for the best. The test was simple, about 30mns, I spoke to the tech the whole time to relax, she was from North Dakota. Waiting for the results has been a combination of nerves and just living life. Everyone tells me I'm fine, so I'm starting to believe it although the palps persist.

Then that night a song came to me about "conversations with God" called "I've Said It All This Time". The song came from my morning meditations. It talks about talking to God about some important things we have never talked about. It was a very sincere, introspective song about my relationship with God and my childhood.

I could write about that song for days...

Today Friday the same thing happened. While at Yoga I heard an audible voice say "Just a few more months papi", it was strange. Again, I could write on that line for months.

As I tried to follow Wendy's cues, our Yoga instructor, I began to cry and got lost in the moment. I took a pose on the floor (I forget the name of it, pigeon?) and kept crying as quiet as I could in a room full of people at the YMCA, weird.

God's presence was obvious, his audible voice was right there with me. I knew exactly what He meant. So I went home and wrote another song called "Just A Few More Hours"...it sounds better than "Just a Few More Months Papi".

Both songs (1st takes) are posted on my music blog here. I will post the final products later. Let me know if you heard the songs.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

People Pleasing or Pleasing God

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Yesterday, I wrote regarding handling criticism. I sent my post to a few friends. One of them wrote me back, she is a singer and wrote of her experience with similar issues. It was great.

"I struggle with this SOOOO much as well. Since it is our "creative outlet", it cuts right to the heart when someone doesn't approve. In some cases I have been able to channel this into fueling my fire. My voice teacher will sometimes be disappointed in me, but when I come back the next week I practiced even harder and his approval means even more. God has given you such a gift and its important that you recognize that, and that HIS approval is above everyone else's. I have such a hard time with that! I am such a people pleaser, and it gets me down when I even sense disapproval. But God made us and gave us these talents, and He doesn't make mistakes."

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

On Criticism and Your Art/Music/Passion

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This is a letter I recently sent to young worship leaders/creative types:

"Ever been criticized on your art/music area of passion? On your creative outlet, your work? Yeah, me too. It hurts. How do you guys handle it? I wanted to give you my thoughts on a recent experience I went through regarding criticism of my music and what I'm doing to work through it."

I want to tell you guys these things because I care about you and want to be an example to you when you face similar stuff. Many times, our parents, pastors, leaders, teachers, bosses, mentors only tell us their stories 'post-mortem' (that means after they're dead), but I mean "after-the fact", like "A long time ago I struggled with what you're struggling with". I want to tell you how I'm processing stuff as I deal with it, this month, this week, raw, honest, not perfect, but just as I am.

I love music, I love Jesus, I love people. Two weeks ago, during a survey we did at The Foot (Foothills) regarding Sundays, I got many, many, many positive comments, so don't think I'm asking for good feelings from anyone. But mixed in there I got some hurtful stuff, not many, but just enough to knock me off my rocker. Comments about my music, my skill set, talent, my musicianship, etc. Stuff that cut deep to how I perceive my strengths and who I am.

It hurt me and it's taken me a week or so to even know what happened! For the first few days I was all over the place, hating those people, to telling myself the worst - "I do suck!" "They are right, what am I doing playing music? I am terrible!" To the other side, just yelling and saying "They suck!" "Stupid people!" "I hate surveys!"

When things like this happen to me, especially about an area I'm passionate about, that I've been strong in for years, that I've been complimented on for years/years/years, that I've worked hard to become better at, I get anxious, I withdraw and check out. Others of you may use it as fuel to your fire. Many sports figures will say "I use those negative comments to make me better" "I'll show them kind of thing" I wish I was more that way. Instead, I pout, I get hurt and question myself and want to quit music all together.

But I'm not going to.

Instead I will use this to make me stronger and to make me better and to work on my music, but not defiantly, or to prove others wrong, mad, angry at people, or as a reaction or as a way to make me feel better and self-heal. Instead, I see this as an opportunity to improve and get better in something I love which is music.

Music is my #1 passion. Above all other things, I am addicted to music and believe it to be the reason I'm on this earth. Not to say that mentorship, mission and my other passions aren't important, but music is my first love, always has been, always will be. Even at 40, and I'm no longer in the "new artist" category by a looong shot, I still believe my best music years are ahead of me.

So this morning, instead of pouting, I put on my headphones and listened to 2-3 songs I've written in the last month and analyzed them - my skills, my voice, melodies, pitch, my thought process behind the songs. It's just me on a guitar, singing into a mic, you guys probably have 100's of such recordings, so do I!

And you know what I noticed? Two things:

1. I have some weak spots. I noticed stuff that I've always known about myself. Sometimes I go flat or sharp, sometimes my melodies or lyrics make no sense, sometimes I play the wrong chord or play off the scale. I've taken voice lessons, piano lessons, 2 years of theory, 2 years of choir, years of guitar lessons, to improve. I've spent time with great music directors who've taught me how to lead, I've spent time with amazing musicians who have taught me how to stand on a stage, how to speak in front of others. And you know what? It's time to do it again. It's been 3-4 years since I was last in a "place of learning" and the older you get, the harder it is to be in school, take lessons, etc.

But I will do it. So in the next month, I'm going to go "back to school" per say, and improve my skills, sharpen the saw, refine my musical skills and keep learning.

2. I like a lot of stuff about my music. As I listened to my songs, voice, melodies, chord progressions, intervals, ideas, etc. I often smiled. It met my standard of "good music", of something "I am proud of" and that's priceless. To be able to hear something you created and have it make you smile, it's a dream come true. And listening to my songs, I was there, taken by them into another place, imagining, crying, feeling, thinking, making life decisions (like this post). I was not filled with ego, or crazy pride or anything like that. It was just God filling my soul with hope, with his voice saying "David/Trig, I like what you're doing, I gave you those skills, songs and I want you to use them and not shy away. Keep going."

Has it been tough to hear negative comments? Yes. Is feedback hard? Yes. Do I like it? No. In fact, the survey itself was my idea and even though only 25 people or so filled it out, it was still useful, not just in positive stuff, but even in the negative hurtful stuff. I remember being afraid of the survey, no one asked me to do it, Steve didn't put a gun to my head saying, "ask people if they like your music or not". I did it on my own because I wanted to overcome the fear, the stigma. Even though I KNEW I was opening myself up to hurt, I felt God's Spirit leading me to be open and vulnerable and to grow, to trust Him in this area that's so dear to my heart.

You see, to me music is more than a talent or something I do in church. Music has been my savior. When I was 10 years old I had to leave my country, my home of Nicaragua and my mother and father, my sisters, my culture, who I was. I was raised by my grandmother in a 1 bedroom apartment, in inner city Long Beach, CA where I was the only non-English speaking, non-White kid on the block. I had no parents who drove their kids to school, with nice backpacks and cool shoes. My grandmother didn't shop at Safeway or Albertson's, instead we shopped at the corner Latino markets where the bread was a day or a week old and things were cheaper. We were Latinos, not White, and in those days, even in So Cal, it wasn't a cool thing.

I was often terrified, afraid, would cry myself to sleep at night missing my parents, feeling out of place and music and Jesus were my only comforts. I would pray and sing, pray and sing, go to church, play my guitar, sing, sing and pray some more. I would write, write and write, I probably (like many of you), have thousands, literally, thousands of notebooks filled with thoughts, songs, fragments, poems, scribbles, ideas, circles, etc. All ways for me to make sense of life. And my guitar was always my best friend.

So for some stupid person in a survey to "take away my music" is huge. And that's not how I feel anymore, they're not stupid and they're not trying to take away my life or my music. That's just my childhood speaking and my pain, and that's okay, Jesus knows me, he created me "taken and broken" as I am. I've been taken and abused by church leaders so many times, not everyone you play for or sing for cares about you, they just want your talent.

But many do care and most of all your family and our God care.

So this survey and criticism has led me to places I need to go. To process stuff with God, to even talk to counselors about this issue (not school counselors but therapists), to talk to my close friends about, my wife, even our children. To model for others honesty and being willing to fall apart in front of others, but to also reach out for the hand of God and to believe in what He wants to do in my life. And I'm not there, I'm still in process, ask me tomorrow and I may be quitting music again! But I'm fighting, and trying not to.

I may never be famous in music, it's not my personal goal (it could be yours and that's fine). My goal now as a 40 year old man, married 14 years to my love Rachelle, father to a 10 year old amazing daughter, an 8 year old beautiful girl and a 6 year old dream of a boy, my goal is to keep living, keep trusting God, keep believing, keep being myself, continue to dream and pursue life, passion, beauty, joy, dreams and reach for the stars (Psalm 8 - "when I look at the stars, what is man that you were mindful of him?)

I hope my story so far can help you, maybe this is something you just read and store away in your mind, maybe it's just nice to know. And I don't want this to become gossip or information to use against each other. But whatever it is, I want to be an example to each of you and I write to you guys because I care and you are each in my life for a reason.

I see the amazing talents in each of your lives, your dreams, your passions. But I also imagine and know a bit of your pain, your ups and downs and so I want to walk alongside of you and most of all lead you back to Jesus, our friend and ultimate guide."

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

My Three Loves

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In case you're wondering, there are thee things I love (professionally), they are my 3 M's:
1. Music
2. Mentorship
3. Mission

There's a fourth which is not an M - Communication, Innovation and Collaboration.

My other loves are my wife, Jesus, our three children, Nicaragua, my abuelita, my mom and dad, exercise and a few others.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

While There's Still Time

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New job, new city.
Overwhelming, always something to do
A person to call, a vision on a napkin
A meeting to have, don't forget to talk to the boss

And my life at home
What matters most
Waits, listening to the conversation in the car
It goes something like this
"Today was a long day
Today was overwhelming
Today I met with the boss"

And they read books
And stare out the window
Every time we cross a railroad track
Our little boy says, "Mom, mom, you look that way
I'll look this way"
Lots of trains around here

Time passes so quickly

Our girl is sad her older sister no longer sleeps in the same room
Tears each night of how hard it is to be alone
The older sister is glad to be on her own
She pushes to grow up
She pushes forward
Life moves forward
We stay behind

Time passes so quickly

While there's still time
I will look left and right at the railroad track
While there's still time
I will sleep in our girls room once in a while so she won't feel alone
While there's still time I will be proud that our eldest is growing up
And kicking a soccer ball in the backyard with her new friend from across the street

Time passes so quickly

While there's still time I will help our little boy clean up his room
While there's still time we will go on another bike ride by the creek
While there's still time we will clean the tree house and paint our names on it
While there's still time I will record their voices in my mind

Yesterday I met a man who plays guitar and sings songs to God
I heard a recording of his two young daughters playing piano as he played along
One played the low keys, the other the highs

This man told me
That he has a cyst in his brain
That he had a seizure two weeks ago
This man is young

He told me of his dream
To one day see his young girls grow up
And play this song for them
Of them playing along
High keys, low keys
While he sat at the piano playing along

While there's still time
While there's still time
While there's still time
I will play along

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT

What I'm Listening To

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Enjoying these days:

1. Over the Rhine, "All I Ever Get for Christmas is Blue" from "Snow Angels", "Later Days" from "Good Dog Bad Dog". Amazing vocals, great songwriting, so moody, I love it!
2. The Frey, "Vienna", "Heaven Forbid" from "How to Save a Life"

About Over the Rhine:

"Look no further than the lyrics to this track for what animates Linford Detweiler and Karin Bergquist, the married couple at the heart of Over The Rhine: “I hope this night puts down deep roots / I hope we plant a seed / ‘Cause I don’t wanna waste your time / With music you don’t need.”

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

In Rainbows, Radiohead Review

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Radiohead has been up and down for me through the years. Sometimes they're too intrinsic, sometimes I realize how influential and primal they've been to bands such as Coldplay, Sigur Ros, Keane and half the "British-alt" sound out there.

I started following them when "OK Computer" came out about 10 years ago. At the time, I saw them at the Greek Theatre and they mesmerized me. Then came "Kid A", "Amnesiac" and "Hail to the Thief" and I was off the bandwagon again.

Now comes "In Rainbow"....a CD (or I should say an MP3 download off their website for any $ amount) and all I can say is that I'm back on the bandwagon. Wow.

You know what I like about this album? It's accesability. This album has simple hooks, catchy intros and endings, while maintaining that Radiohead emo/atmospheric sound.

Take for example "Weird Fishes...." what a great guitar/drum/bass intro with the chord progression taking you places for 16 bars before the vocals come in. Wonderful. Then he sings "In the deepest ocean...." I love it.

"Nude" is an old song of theirs from what I hear, but what feeling as the strings, revolving synths and simple snare/hh/kick groove come in. Then the vocals come in with a haunting melody as the bass line kicks in. And something about going from a minor chord to a major chord in two measures that just works.

"Bodysnatchers" is just a great jam. Sounds like the old "U2" Vertigo/Pop/etc. which is a throwback to that 60's scratchy classic rock and roll sound, David Bowie and the Doors all wrapped into one.

"Faust Arp" sounds like a song from the 70's, like the "Mama's and the Papa's", but more haunting. "Reckoner" is awesome, I love that acoustic guitar lick with the "thrashy" snare, bell and tamborine sounds all creating a sort of gypsy-like feel, until the bridge comes in and it all quiets down to just vocals and guitar. Then back to the groove. This is probably my favorite track on the album.

"House of Cards" is a beautiful song, nice intro again with a layed back guitar progression and simple groove behind it. Great vocals, nice melody. "Jigsaw Falling Into Place" is a favorite as an acoustic guitar player. It has that major to minor chord thing again which is classic Radiohead and a tight groove behind it. "Videotape" is a piano/Coldplay type song which perfectly ends the evening.

The whole CD flows as one from track to track, it's a journey, a circular path, but still one to walk. A CD you want to listen to as a whole.

Overall, I enjoyed this album.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

On our way to dmb if we survive

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On the park and ride bus to the hollywood bowl on a date with my wife to see Dave Matthews, big fan. But we think the bus driver may be drunk!

UPDATE#1: We made it. Now waiting at the ATM machine to get some $ to rent binoculars! Yeah, cheap seats. No matter. I'm with my baby.

UPDATE#2: Going home, amazing show. Dave is a machine.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

June and Everything After

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1. I did not get an iPhone last night and won't be getting one until they come down in price. Marketing is amazing, what a buzz. My budget: $200.00. For $600.00 I'd rather get clothes.

2. We're off to Palm Springs today for a few days for a family vacation. Very excited to get away.

3. "He restoreth my soul..." I'm looking forward to a time of restoration and refocus this summer. Much needed.

4. Reading Brennan Mannings' "Ragamuffin Gospel, Visual Edition" amazing book. I need the grace it brings.

5. Listening to..."Counting Crows-iTunes Essential"(compilation). Great songwriting. Good education for aspiring songwriters.

6. Rachelle and I are spending more time together, focusing on us after a season of focusing on others.

7. Exercise. Hit a lull about 2 weeks ago. I've only worked out 4-5x in those two weeks versus my usual 10-12x. Just trying to get through. I'm focusing on a better week coming up. If I can still do my abs every day (or so), I feel great. I lifted twice this past week and ran once. Sucks, but I'm getting through it. Better times ahead. My eating has been at 80%, needs to be at 90%. Had some "cookies" a few nights ago, pizza once three weeks ago, some snacks. Still eating lots of chicken, tuna, veggies, ham, hard boiled eggs, string cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, oatmeal, protein twice a day every day. Looking good, but need to take it up a notch.

Gotta go pack, have my morning coffee and get on the road (7:30am). First, we're picking up our 8 year old at children's camp (her 1st ever) and then off to Palm Springs.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

A video on Blogger!

A video!

davidT

Listening To, Gas Lamp

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Note: This list of CD's are my personal preferences only.

Listening to:

1. "All of the Above" Hillsong United. This is the youth worship band from Hillsongs Church in Australia (as in "Shout to the Lord" but new). Songs like "From the Inside Out", "The Stand" and "Hosanna" are worth listening to.

2. "The Shins" All their stuff, those guys are just creative.

3. "Matt Pond" (still listening to him...) Acoustic, indie, violins, cellos, good vocals, good songwriting. I especially like "Several Arrows Later" and "Halloween".

I also recently visited a friend's new church plant here in Long Beach. They meet at the "Gas Lamp" on PCH. Their church is called Origins. It was good to be there.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Coachella Speaks to Current Generation

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So I'm not there, but I'm checking out AT&T Webcasts Coachella Arts and Music Festival. Amazing music.

Reading the article in the LA Times, this festival is speaking the language of the current generation. How? In it's community, the voice they have (young people complained about ad banners last year), and the indie rock. There's a certain 'in the know' thing that goes with Coachella. I don't blame them, it's an amazing experience from what I hear.

Right now, I'm listening to Arctic Monkey (new punk) and Matt Costa (indie rock), nice.

Many of our musicians are huge fans of Coachella, it's al they talk about, some have been in the past or are there now. I wish Coachella would have a social cause they could get these young people excited about.

Have a great day,

Into the future,

davidT

Crowder in the Studio

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So David Crowder ("Here is Our King", "Wholly Yours", "No One Like You"), is in the studio recording his next post "A/B Collision" CD. Yes, I like Crowder, do his songs in church, etc. He's posting clips from their studio work. Nice.

This is of his EG player, not sure his name....shall find out, jamming, doing his EG thing. Nice. (EG name: Taylor johnson (aka: the kid)!!!!



Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

ALL Continuum John Mayer

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This is not me, nor is it John Mayer, it's John Mayer "for dummies".



Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT