Welcome back. You belong here.
It's not cheap but it's helpful. Every wednesday night I go to counseling (it's been 6 weeks), to walk through my 'issues'...oh yes, my issues, there are many.
At times the sessions have been a waste of time (in my opinion), other times, they've been insighful. To me, a good session is when I cry. I've cried twice.
Some people ask me, "why do you go to counseling? Can't you talk to your friends or God or your wife about things?" Sure and I do. And counselors frustrate me because they are trained to LISTEN. I'd rather get input and advice, reflections and even a little kick in the pants. But I'm learning some things.
Things I'm learning in counseling:
1. FEAR - I'm afraid of many things. Fear is the big underlying emotion I deal with. I agree.
2. WAR - The effects of war, childhood, seperation from my parents during my teenage years have had an impact in my life
3. IMMIGRANT LIFESTYLE - The life of fear was mostly seen in my immigrant lifestyle. I lived in fear of deportation, limitations, execution, shame for almost 20 years before I got my 'paper work' worked out when I married my wife. Even after we were married, I didn't file for a change of status for almost 5 years. Why? Fear. Whether unfounded or not, I dealt with this kind of fear.
4. I KNOW THE 'DON'T FEAR' VERSES. I know them, read them, recite them, memorize them, sing them, hummm them.
5. EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD - She (I have a female counselor), tells me I'm on emotional overload. My grandmother's death, the head injury, work stress, childhood stuff, my symptoms, I'm carrying a lot
6. I'M AFRAID TO FALL APART. I'm afraid of letting go. Not falling apart as in I can't function, but falling apart as in, actually I'm not sure what that looks like. That's part of the problem, I need to fall apart, but I don't know where to start. She will have me talk about 'my fears' next week. We started to last wed talking about my fear and joy of becoming a U.S. Citizen, what that means to me, the culmination of 20 years of worries and hopes. I broke down as I told her the story, the tears wouldn't stop.
7. THE SAFETY NET IS GONE. When abuelita died a year ago (feels like 2 months), my safety net died. It started with my father's death 6 years ago and now this. I feel like I'm free-falling and as she said, I'm like a cat trying not to fall off the pole, hanging on with my nails as hard as I can. Yes, that's how it feels. But God is building a new net, a new set of support and guidance and it deals with Jesus being my shepherd, my leader.
8. SAFE v. UNSAFE, WORKING HARD AT BEING A GOOD PATIENT v. BEING A BROKEN PATIENT.
I've been reading Psalm 23 a lot, "The Lord is my shepherd....He leads me...."
Next week, we'll keep 'feeling the fear' and trying to 'fall apart'. Sounds hard. I believe God has lead me here and wants to open up these wounds so I can be healed for a greater purpose in His Kingdom.
I am trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord, I am in His hands trusting, seeking Him with all my heart.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Friday, March 24, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Hitting Me All at Once
Welcome back. You belong here.
This morning I spoke to my mom in Nicaragua, always a breath of fresh air for me. I miss her, especially now.
It hit me while we were talking, that things are hitting me all at once right now. The head injury of a few months back, combined with the loss of my grandmother who was my life, and work/church situations, have brought back memories of my childhood, my immigrant life, the war I endured and later sent me to this country, the seperation from my parents during my formative teenage years.
My grandmother held it together for me. Her presence in my life, allowed me to feel things were ok. And of course, Jesus' presence, His nearness has been everything to me. Now that she's gone, I'm having to stand alone again. Not alone as in without Jesus or people that love me or without purpose, but as in without the props that held me. King David lost all his support one by one - Jonathan, his family, his children. He was left to his only faithful friend, his "Lord, my Shepherd, I shall not want...He leads me..."
Wow. God leads me now, Jesus leads me now. Not abuelita, not security or strength. And as all these things pile up on me, I know I'm in the hands of strength. I don't want safety from the storm, I want purpose and joy in the storm. And I don't want it afterwards, but amidst the darkness.
My CT-scan said my head is fine, but my emotions and dizzyness, my anxiety and tears tell me things are still working their way out. I'm not through the storm yet, I'm half-way out, but God will see me through.
Last time this happened to me, when my father died six years ago, I was on medication (anti-depressants) for 9 months to get through. This time, I'm hanging on to Jesus and His Word, I'm not against med's but I'm trying to do without them. I feel my mind and spirit growing in FAITH, in TRUSTING GOD, in NOT WORRYING ABOUT TOMORROW.
In fact, I'm grateful for this time in my life and the length of this storm. It will pass, but I don't want it to pass to quickly and soon forget this dependency on Christ's blood and body. I am so fleshly that the minute I feel 100%, I will start running again and forget what it's like to trust this way.
* * *
Is my work too hard for me? I dont' think so, I feel more and more called to serving. I don't feel called to busyness and size, but I feel called to love, impact and focus. This weekend we had 35 artists come together in community, crying out to God for help, seeking more of Him for the passions of our heart, surrendering our rights for His glory. God was present in awkard, unexpected ways, but I know all about that, I could recognize His brand, His smell, His work in this time of our lives and I rejoice. A friend sprained her wrist, I drove down with a 'special' person with ADHD, we had to wait for 3 hrs to leave town as AAA got keys for one of our people, we felt rushed like we needed more time to commune. I spent the weekend not upfront, teaching or singing, but serving, serving, serving, loving, praying, ONE, ONE, ONE as Mother Theresa said, ONE: Mark, Pat, Jackie, Robert, Amber, Tammie, Lou, Andrea, ONE, ONE, ONE.
But the magic and the presence of God was everywhere, odd people coming together, helping, rooming, talking. I didnt' get a chance to catch up with any of my 'cool' friends. Instead I cried, my head hurt all weekend, but I stood strong, I doubted my leadership at times, I felt insecure. Sometimes it's tough for me being a relational-leader, not feeling the need to be upfront all the time making sure everyone knows who's in charge. I lead through vision and values that are shown in the people I lead, not by running around being involved in everthing (I should write more on relational leadership).
But I also felt connected to the Spirit. Saturday morning, the Spirit said, pray. I knelt by my bead and prayed for the camp, the people, the weekend. Thursday during lunch, the Spirit said, don't get more busy, pray. I prayed, my heart was burdened with people, their needs, their dreams, their aspirations, their brokenness, they are like sheep without a shepherd, including myself. Jesus is our Great Shepherd, and He has called me to care for his people. It's a privilege.
So as things hit me all at once this year, it's only March and it feel like October, it is well with my soul. My body has yet to catch up, I need it to for the long run and it will. God is refining me, challenging me to grow, pruning me, disciplining me in the way a Father disciplines His children. Maybe I've been too greedy, too selfish, too unkind, judging others. I have.
* * *
I've been reading Revelations 3 about Jesus' words to the 7 churches, praying and asking God, which church am I Jesus? Which church are we as a Body? What are you telling us? I and our community most relate to Sardis and Laodicea. Check them out yourself.
My prayer is what Jesus says to these churches at the end of each letter, "let Him who has ears, hear what the Spirit is saying..."
Lord, give me ears to hear and obey You. And to lead your people to a place I've been to before, a place of brokenness and grace, a place of pruning and purpose, a place of death and life in Christ, a place of doubt and trust not clarity. And lead our church to hear your voice, hear your Spirit. May I not be one who shuts his ears to you, but one who is willing to be changed, so what you can work through me and your people.
I am your leader Lord, I am your servant, I will lead your people well. I trust in You.
COMING UP: Run for 30mns, arms/legs/abs. Post-retreat rest and catch up with my wife and children. Make dinner tonight, not sure what yet, something light and healthy for sure. Maybe mow the lawn if I can, it's time!
UPDATE: Just got another call from my mom and her friend Rosalinda. Her friend told me that she's also in pretty bad shape, without a job now for a year, raising a family by herself. She told me she wishes she had my problems, that her problems are worse than mine, to take courage in our Lord. She told me I am her leader, because she considered my father her leader (my dad was pastor of her church for 5 years), and now that he's gone, she sees me as her leader, as a man of faith and commitment to the Lord, a "verdadero servidor del Señor". Wow, unbelievable.
The weird thing is that she is actually the one who told my mom to call me today, God is working in Rosalinda's life through trials and yet God used her pain and hope to encourage me.
I sometimes feel the weight of my father's heritage, but most times I count it a privilege and feel honored and ready to follow in his footsteps. Unbelievable.
Btw, this week, Mike Silva (PK speaker, world wide evangelist) is in Esteli, Nicaragua doing a gospel crusade. He will be there for 10 days reaching out to hundreds of people with the Gospel. He is a friend of the family, and has asked me to serve together with him in the future perhaps in worship ministry. What a privilege that would be. I need to get healthy first, and God is pruning me, but I tell you, I will join him one day. God will open that door, yes He will. He's preparing me and soon I will be ready.
Yes Lord, send me, humble me, strengthen my feeble knees, guide me through these momentary trials for your Kingdom's sake so that the world would know that You are God!
MY PRIORITIES: Equip worship art leaders locally and globally, create and lead worship environments, serve the poor through global missions.
Amen.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
This morning I spoke to my mom in Nicaragua, always a breath of fresh air for me. I miss her, especially now.
It hit me while we were talking, that things are hitting me all at once right now. The head injury of a few months back, combined with the loss of my grandmother who was my life, and work/church situations, have brought back memories of my childhood, my immigrant life, the war I endured and later sent me to this country, the seperation from my parents during my formative teenage years.
My grandmother held it together for me. Her presence in my life, allowed me to feel things were ok. And of course, Jesus' presence, His nearness has been everything to me. Now that she's gone, I'm having to stand alone again. Not alone as in without Jesus or people that love me or without purpose, but as in without the props that held me. King David lost all his support one by one - Jonathan, his family, his children. He was left to his only faithful friend, his "Lord, my Shepherd, I shall not want...He leads me..."
Wow. God leads me now, Jesus leads me now. Not abuelita, not security or strength. And as all these things pile up on me, I know I'm in the hands of strength. I don't want safety from the storm, I want purpose and joy in the storm. And I don't want it afterwards, but amidst the darkness.
My CT-scan said my head is fine, but my emotions and dizzyness, my anxiety and tears tell me things are still working their way out. I'm not through the storm yet, I'm half-way out, but God will see me through.
Last time this happened to me, when my father died six years ago, I was on medication (anti-depressants) for 9 months to get through. This time, I'm hanging on to Jesus and His Word, I'm not against med's but I'm trying to do without them. I feel my mind and spirit growing in FAITH, in TRUSTING GOD, in NOT WORRYING ABOUT TOMORROW.
In fact, I'm grateful for this time in my life and the length of this storm. It will pass, but I don't want it to pass to quickly and soon forget this dependency on Christ's blood and body. I am so fleshly that the minute I feel 100%, I will start running again and forget what it's like to trust this way.
* * *
Is my work too hard for me? I dont' think so, I feel more and more called to serving. I don't feel called to busyness and size, but I feel called to love, impact and focus. This weekend we had 35 artists come together in community, crying out to God for help, seeking more of Him for the passions of our heart, surrendering our rights for His glory. God was present in awkard, unexpected ways, but I know all about that, I could recognize His brand, His smell, His work in this time of our lives and I rejoice. A friend sprained her wrist, I drove down with a 'special' person with ADHD, we had to wait for 3 hrs to leave town as AAA got keys for one of our people, we felt rushed like we needed more time to commune. I spent the weekend not upfront, teaching or singing, but serving, serving, serving, loving, praying, ONE, ONE, ONE as Mother Theresa said, ONE: Mark, Pat, Jackie, Robert, Amber, Tammie, Lou, Andrea, ONE, ONE, ONE.
But the magic and the presence of God was everywhere, odd people coming together, helping, rooming, talking. I didnt' get a chance to catch up with any of my 'cool' friends. Instead I cried, my head hurt all weekend, but I stood strong, I doubted my leadership at times, I felt insecure. Sometimes it's tough for me being a relational-leader, not feeling the need to be upfront all the time making sure everyone knows who's in charge. I lead through vision and values that are shown in the people I lead, not by running around being involved in everthing (I should write more on relational leadership).
But I also felt connected to the Spirit. Saturday morning, the Spirit said, pray. I knelt by my bead and prayed for the camp, the people, the weekend. Thursday during lunch, the Spirit said, don't get more busy, pray. I prayed, my heart was burdened with people, their needs, their dreams, their aspirations, their brokenness, they are like sheep without a shepherd, including myself. Jesus is our Great Shepherd, and He has called me to care for his people. It's a privilege.
So as things hit me all at once this year, it's only March and it feel like October, it is well with my soul. My body has yet to catch up, I need it to for the long run and it will. God is refining me, challenging me to grow, pruning me, disciplining me in the way a Father disciplines His children. Maybe I've been too greedy, too selfish, too unkind, judging others. I have.
* * *
I've been reading Revelations 3 about Jesus' words to the 7 churches, praying and asking God, which church am I Jesus? Which church are we as a Body? What are you telling us? I and our community most relate to Sardis and Laodicea. Check them out yourself.
My prayer is what Jesus says to these churches at the end of each letter, "let Him who has ears, hear what the Spirit is saying..."
Lord, give me ears to hear and obey You. And to lead your people to a place I've been to before, a place of brokenness and grace, a place of pruning and purpose, a place of death and life in Christ, a place of doubt and trust not clarity. And lead our church to hear your voice, hear your Spirit. May I not be one who shuts his ears to you, but one who is willing to be changed, so what you can work through me and your people.
I am your leader Lord, I am your servant, I will lead your people well. I trust in You.
COMING UP: Run for 30mns, arms/legs/abs. Post-retreat rest and catch up with my wife and children. Make dinner tonight, not sure what yet, something light and healthy for sure. Maybe mow the lawn if I can, it's time!
UPDATE: Just got another call from my mom and her friend Rosalinda. Her friend told me that she's also in pretty bad shape, without a job now for a year, raising a family by herself. She told me she wishes she had my problems, that her problems are worse than mine, to take courage in our Lord. She told me I am her leader, because she considered my father her leader (my dad was pastor of her church for 5 years), and now that he's gone, she sees me as her leader, as a man of faith and commitment to the Lord, a "verdadero servidor del Señor". Wow, unbelievable.
The weird thing is that she is actually the one who told my mom to call me today, God is working in Rosalinda's life through trials and yet God used her pain and hope to encourage me.
I sometimes feel the weight of my father's heritage, but most times I count it a privilege and feel honored and ready to follow in his footsteps. Unbelievable.
Btw, this week, Mike Silva (PK speaker, world wide evangelist) is in Esteli, Nicaragua doing a gospel crusade. He will be there for 10 days reaching out to hundreds of people with the Gospel. He is a friend of the family, and has asked me to serve together with him in the future perhaps in worship ministry. What a privilege that would be. I need to get healthy first, and God is pruning me, but I tell you, I will join him one day. God will open that door, yes He will. He's preparing me and soon I will be ready.
Yes Lord, send me, humble me, strengthen my feeble knees, guide me through these momentary trials for your Kingdom's sake so that the world would know that You are God!
MY PRIORITIES: Equip worship art leaders locally and globally, create and lead worship environments, serve the poor through global missions.
Amen.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Monday, March 13, 2006
Wisdom of an 18 year old
Welcome back. You belong here.
Yesterday, our band was talking on stage, after services, catching up, being friends. I told them of my anxiety, loss of my abuelita, just how I was feeling. They all talked about similar themes, medication, counseling, and other more normal things.
Then the 18 year old spoke, he plays electric. He looked at me and said (he hadn't said much until then): "It seems to me you grieve very slowly." WOW. He hit me between the eyes. I guess sometimes I think my grieving is as it should be. And actually, it is at it should be because it's my grieving process. I've learned this.
At the same time, I am slow griever. It takes me a while to process loss and death, love and pain. He said how for some people, it's fast. My sister seemed to be hardly affected by the loss of my dad, she grieved him and still does, but in a less dark way.
I am the anxiety junkey. The one who used to sweat and get nervous at the sight of the ocean. My mom is similar and so is my other sister. But Marcia, she is a happy girl. She often helps me remember God's faithfulness, His goodness and the happy things in life.
It's okay to grieve the way I grieve, in fact, it's due to the deep wrapping my life had around these figures in my life - my father, my 2nd mother. I can't help it, they were everything to me. And on the positive side, I can be a very creative and in tune person when it comes to relationships. There are pluses and minuses to being oneself and in fact, this paradox is part of my faith journey in Christ. Jesus is in my darkness and he's in my light. And whether up or down, I worship and praise Him with all that is within me. He is my King and Lord.
But when I deal with symptomps, anxiety, etc. it helps to know that my deep, slow feelings sometimes come back and haunt me and that I need to control my emotions. I will never be a non-feeler, but I can focus those emotions towards things that build, not tear me and others down.
Big revelations through a young person's advice. And I didn't even have to pay him. I called my doctor today to get some meds for my condition. I think it's time, I need the help.
I'm glad our band had that conversation. Oh yes, and we also played some great music and talked about God and life. Fun times.
COMING UP: Rachelle is off to a funeral, I'm home with the little ones. Chest/abs still pending, make dinner tonight ('pollo con papas', chicken and potatoes, steamed veggies, steamed rice, water).
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Yesterday, our band was talking on stage, after services, catching up, being friends. I told them of my anxiety, loss of my abuelita, just how I was feeling. They all talked about similar themes, medication, counseling, and other more normal things.
Then the 18 year old spoke, he plays electric. He looked at me and said (he hadn't said much until then): "It seems to me you grieve very slowly." WOW. He hit me between the eyes. I guess sometimes I think my grieving is as it should be. And actually, it is at it should be because it's my grieving process. I've learned this.
At the same time, I am slow griever. It takes me a while to process loss and death, love and pain. He said how for some people, it's fast. My sister seemed to be hardly affected by the loss of my dad, she grieved him and still does, but in a less dark way.
I am the anxiety junkey. The one who used to sweat and get nervous at the sight of the ocean. My mom is similar and so is my other sister. But Marcia, she is a happy girl. She often helps me remember God's faithfulness, His goodness and the happy things in life.
It's okay to grieve the way I grieve, in fact, it's due to the deep wrapping my life had around these figures in my life - my father, my 2nd mother. I can't help it, they were everything to me. And on the positive side, I can be a very creative and in tune person when it comes to relationships. There are pluses and minuses to being oneself and in fact, this paradox is part of my faith journey in Christ. Jesus is in my darkness and he's in my light. And whether up or down, I worship and praise Him with all that is within me. He is my King and Lord.
But when I deal with symptomps, anxiety, etc. it helps to know that my deep, slow feelings sometimes come back and haunt me and that I need to control my emotions. I will never be a non-feeler, but I can focus those emotions towards things that build, not tear me and others down.
Big revelations through a young person's advice. And I didn't even have to pay him. I called my doctor today to get some meds for my condition. I think it's time, I need the help.
I'm glad our band had that conversation. Oh yes, and we also played some great music and talked about God and life. Fun times.
COMING UP: Rachelle is off to a funeral, I'm home with the little ones. Chest/abs still pending, make dinner tonight ('pollo con papas', chicken and potatoes, steamed veggies, steamed rice, water).
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Off for A Run, Lift, Abs
Welcome back. You belong here.
Had a great time talking with my wife this morning, catching up on our week, how we're doing, etc. Good conversation. The little ones were watching Dora. Thankful for Saturday morning cartoons.
I'm off for a run now, even in the cold/rain, it should be invigorating. Then legs/arms/abs.
Yesterday I sang at a funeral for one of our pastor's father in law, very emotional time. My abuelita (2nd mother, gramma) is buried in the same cemetery. Didn't go see her, it wasn't the right time. But I will go back soon.
After I sang, someone said, "you've been given a gift..." Someone else answered, "and he uses it for God's glory..." That was nice. Then I saw a quartet on TBN last night and I thought, "maybe I can go around singing in churches till I'm old...if they can do it, why not me?" I was laughing! I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
I've been reading Psalm 119 all week, about God's Law and obeying His Word. That psalm is very looong, but so focused on one thing - Obey God's Word.
Yesterday I verbalized my focus for the next few years to a friend in a very clear matter. I was proud of myself, I thought, "see, I can make sense once in a while." I also snapped at a lady at the preschool. She said, "you seem like you've lost a lot of weight...do you work out or you just don't like your wife's cooking??" I snapped! What I SHOULD have said was, "Yeah, I enjoy working out..." Done. Instead, I went off on my routine, how long it's taken, the sacrifices, the early mornings, the strict eating and workout plan....wow!! Way over the top. Sorry lady! I hope she talks to me again next week. Funny.
Today is Saturday. My priorities are - Lift and run, go to Home Depot with little David to get some light bulbs, spend time with my wife, wash the dishes, help her out. Finish some loops for a song I'm writing called "I See You." Normal stuff, I love it.
Tomorrow, I get a chance to change the world, work with young artists, practice some Mute Math and Crowder tunes. Actually, every day I get a chance to change the world. Better go.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
Had a great time talking with my wife this morning, catching up on our week, how we're doing, etc. Good conversation. The little ones were watching Dora. Thankful for Saturday morning cartoons.
I'm off for a run now, even in the cold/rain, it should be invigorating. Then legs/arms/abs.
Yesterday I sang at a funeral for one of our pastor's father in law, very emotional time. My abuelita (2nd mother, gramma) is buried in the same cemetery. Didn't go see her, it wasn't the right time. But I will go back soon.
After I sang, someone said, "you've been given a gift..." Someone else answered, "and he uses it for God's glory..." That was nice. Then I saw a quartet on TBN last night and I thought, "maybe I can go around singing in churches till I'm old...if they can do it, why not me?" I was laughing! I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
I've been reading Psalm 119 all week, about God's Law and obeying His Word. That psalm is very looong, but so focused on one thing - Obey God's Word.
Yesterday I verbalized my focus for the next few years to a friend in a very clear matter. I was proud of myself, I thought, "see, I can make sense once in a while." I also snapped at a lady at the preschool. She said, "you seem like you've lost a lot of weight...do you work out or you just don't like your wife's cooking??" I snapped! What I SHOULD have said was, "Yeah, I enjoy working out..." Done. Instead, I went off on my routine, how long it's taken, the sacrifices, the early mornings, the strict eating and workout plan....wow!! Way over the top. Sorry lady! I hope she talks to me again next week. Funny.
Today is Saturday. My priorities are - Lift and run, go to Home Depot with little David to get some light bulbs, spend time with my wife, wash the dishes, help her out. Finish some loops for a song I'm writing called "I See You." Normal stuff, I love it.
Tomorrow, I get a chance to change the world, work with young artists, practice some Mute Math and Crowder tunes. Actually, every day I get a chance to change the world. Better go.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
Monday, March 06, 2006
How To Become a Revolutionary
Welcome back. You belong here.
I've read Barna's "Revolution". Today, he wrote about how these revolutionaries stand out from the crowd.
Am I a revolutionary? I don't think so. But I feel God is calling our whole family to become so. Bummer. That means, I'm going to have to live by faith and actually do something sacrificial with my life. But I like stressing out over building bigger churches and better services...no I don't. I don't mind the stress and the work, but there's something more - Missional, faith-living, integrating faith and daily life.
According to Barna, these are the characteristics of a Revolutionary:
“Revolutionaries” were classified on the basis of meeting 11 specific criteria.
1. They have a clear sense of the meaning and purpose of their life;
2. Describe their relationship with and faith in God as the top priority in their life;
3. Consider themselves to be "Christian";
4. Read the Bible regularly;
5. Pray regularly;
6. Deem their faith to be very important in their life;
7. Contend that the main objective in their life is to love God with all their heart, mind, strength and soul;
8. Describe God as the "all-knowing, all-powerful being who created the universe and still rules it today";
9. Have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is important in their life today;
10. Believe that when they die they will go to heaven only because they have confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ as their savior;
11. And say that their faith in Christ has "greatly transformed" their life."
Who are these people? Are they Pentecostals? Lutheran? Baptists? Nahhh...do they live in huts and beneath bridges? Are they Europeans, White? Are they Latinos and African Americans? Do they raise support and live out of vans and visit people's homes? Do they have a savings account and life insurance? Do they financially support their families in Nicaragua? Do they live in third world countries?
Who are these people?
I think last night I met two revolutionaries. They used to do what I do, worship arts at a comfy church in Northern California. They're White, suburbian, GenX yuppies, in their early 30's, married three years, no children. They look very 'un-revolutionary'. When I first met them I thought, "Where is the mini-van?"
But they left their comfy church a few years ago, and now they live in a bus with 18 orphan children singing in churches raising awareness and support for the "Forgotten Children" of Northern Uganda. They're a part of "Children of the World" and "World Help." CRAZY!! Last night they performed at a church in Bellflower and my wife and I and our three children and sister in law, went to see them. Very moving stuff.
Am I supposed to take our three little ones and my wife on a bus and direct children's choirs for "World Help"? I don't think so. But it sure hits close to home. Worship Arts, big church, left for this missional, revolutionary life. CRAZY!!
Lord, you know my gifts, you know my wife and our children. Guide us Lord, help us to partner with the leader you have for us that will challenge us to live this missional life you've called us to.
Yes, I know I can do that in my neighborhood, and we are. But I'm talking about a career path for ther next 20 years of our lives. The local church is always on my mind, it's my base, worship, the Body, relationships and growth. But there's something more in me, something missional, global.
What would that look like for us?
1. Worship Pastor at a local church, where 50% of my time is spent creating worship environments and equipping leaders
2. The other 50% of my time would be spent in missional activities. Partnering with an evangelist and equipping leaders and building the Body world wide. I would start with my own in Nicaragua and then to wherever God leads - Russia, India, Philippines.
I want to serve togetehr with my wife and children, to see my wife use her gifts of teaching and mentoring women and for our children to see their parent's faith lived out in real struggles, but with real joys.
So are you a Revolutionary? My guess is most would say yes, in our work, church, daily activities, church staff, homes. Most would say EVERY CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE A REVOLUTIONARY. Yes, I know, but I'm not living this kind of lifestyle, even though I'm in seminary, work at a church and read my Bible every day. There must be more than this. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not living the life of a Revolutionary. There's something more to my faith than what I'm currently doing. And I have a feeling it means surrendering more of myself to Jesus and His Kingdom.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
I've read Barna's "Revolution". Today, he wrote about how these revolutionaries stand out from the crowd.
Am I a revolutionary? I don't think so. But I feel God is calling our whole family to become so. Bummer. That means, I'm going to have to live by faith and actually do something sacrificial with my life. But I like stressing out over building bigger churches and better services...no I don't. I don't mind the stress and the work, but there's something more - Missional, faith-living, integrating faith and daily life.
According to Barna, these are the characteristics of a Revolutionary:
“Revolutionaries” were classified on the basis of meeting 11 specific criteria.
1. They have a clear sense of the meaning and purpose of their life;
2. Describe their relationship with and faith in God as the top priority in their life;
3. Consider themselves to be "Christian";
4. Read the Bible regularly;
5. Pray regularly;
6. Deem their faith to be very important in their life;
7. Contend that the main objective in their life is to love God with all their heart, mind, strength and soul;
8. Describe God as the "all-knowing, all-powerful being who created the universe and still rules it today";
9. Have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is important in their life today;
10. Believe that when they die they will go to heaven only because they have confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ as their savior;
11. And say that their faith in Christ has "greatly transformed" their life."
Who are these people? Are they Pentecostals? Lutheran? Baptists? Nahhh...do they live in huts and beneath bridges? Are they Europeans, White? Are they Latinos and African Americans? Do they raise support and live out of vans and visit people's homes? Do they have a savings account and life insurance? Do they financially support their families in Nicaragua? Do they live in third world countries?
Who are these people?
I think last night I met two revolutionaries. They used to do what I do, worship arts at a comfy church in Northern California. They're White, suburbian, GenX yuppies, in their early 30's, married three years, no children. They look very 'un-revolutionary'. When I first met them I thought, "Where is the mini-van?"
But they left their comfy church a few years ago, and now they live in a bus with 18 orphan children singing in churches raising awareness and support for the "Forgotten Children" of Northern Uganda. They're a part of "Children of the World" and "World Help." CRAZY!! Last night they performed at a church in Bellflower and my wife and I and our three children and sister in law, went to see them. Very moving stuff.
Am I supposed to take our three little ones and my wife on a bus and direct children's choirs for "World Help"? I don't think so. But it sure hits close to home. Worship Arts, big church, left for this missional, revolutionary life. CRAZY!!
Lord, you know my gifts, you know my wife and our children. Guide us Lord, help us to partner with the leader you have for us that will challenge us to live this missional life you've called us to.
Yes, I know I can do that in my neighborhood, and we are. But I'm talking about a career path for ther next 20 years of our lives. The local church is always on my mind, it's my base, worship, the Body, relationships and growth. But there's something more in me, something missional, global.
What would that look like for us?
1. Worship Pastor at a local church, where 50% of my time is spent creating worship environments and equipping leaders
2. The other 50% of my time would be spent in missional activities. Partnering with an evangelist and equipping leaders and building the Body world wide. I would start with my own in Nicaragua and then to wherever God leads - Russia, India, Philippines.
I want to serve togetehr with my wife and children, to see my wife use her gifts of teaching and mentoring women and for our children to see their parent's faith lived out in real struggles, but with real joys.
So are you a Revolutionary? My guess is most would say yes, in our work, church, daily activities, church staff, homes. Most would say EVERY CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE A REVOLUTIONARY. Yes, I know, but I'm not living this kind of lifestyle, even though I'm in seminary, work at a church and read my Bible every day. There must be more than this. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not living the life of a Revolutionary. There's something more to my faith than what I'm currently doing. And I have a feeling it means surrendering more of myself to Jesus and His Kingdom.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
Saturday, March 04, 2006
This Week's Roundup
Welcome back. You belong here.
Here's my weekly update:
1. I've had a few sleepless nights, some anxiety this week, but not bad, and much better than say last month. It reminds me that I'm still working through anxiety/concussion issues but making good progress. God is with me.
2. Lifting going well, the protein I'm taking (ProComplex) works for me, giving me a more firm look. I just got back from a 30mn. run, very good. Abs next, then chest and back this PM. I lifted 4x for the first time in two months last week, plus my regular 3-4x running and abs 3-4x and eating plan every day. This week, I lifted 3x and ran 3x and abs 3x. Good maintenance week. My mark is to lift 4x/week every week and run about 3-4x every week. I'm slowly getting back to top shape.
3. Good Friday, Artist Retreat planning in high gear. March 17-19th we'll take 40 or so of our artists - musicians, graphic designers, photography, dancers, etc. to the mountains for a time of community, small groups and creativity. Our theme is "Artists in Community" around 1 Cor. 12. We'll explore issues of artists in ministry, the spiritual disciplines of the artist and working in teams. Good Friday is going well, we're doing the 8 stations (or 7 for some) of the cross. The night will include music, dance and monologues. All of our bands, choir and orchestra and soloists will be involved. I'm co-directing the evening. Very moving songs and moments along the way.
4. My wife and I need a date soon! I miss her. We've missed the last 2-3 weeks due to illness and meetings, and this Monday night, our baby sitting cancelled. We also need a 2-3 night mini-getaway. We go on dates every other Monday nights. Our daily conversations and prayer time is going well.
5. Counseling going well. For the last 5 weeks I've been going to counseling. Lately we've been talking about Safe v. Real. I'm realizing sometimes I'm not real and can play the 'fake card' when I feel unsafe. Mostly this happens in work environments. I feel an 'a-ha' moment forming in the heavens and ready to soon open up into greater impact in the Kingdom.
6. Children are a joy, but sometimes I need a break. Today, our 7 year old is taking the train with her grandparents just for fun. They came this morning and took her for the day. I feel like a super proud father, seeing our little girl in the back of their car, driving away to do a 'big-girl' trip, and without her brother and sister. Big stuff. I feel a little sad, but mostly very excited for her. Last night, I didn't feel very fatherly, but I still read to little David for 20mns. Sometimes, I don't want to do the night time routine for the 10th time in 7 days!
* * *
PAUSE: What am I supposed to do with my life? Oh yes....the eternal question. I think worship and the global Kingdom of God has something to do with it.
* * *
7. BIOLA speaking went well. I was guest speaker at BIOLA's "Major in Worship" this week through my contact Jeff Urke who is the director of the program. I got to meet the legendary Music Program director, Dr. Barry Liesch (some of you may know him). That was very fun. I hope they invite me back. My class at Talbot (MA Theology) is going well (Contemporary Theology). Gotta catch up on my reading.
8. Listening to these days:
1. Crowder, "Collission"
2. Mute Math, "Chaos"
3. Sting, "Sacred Love" - he's amazing
4. Rolling Stone Podcast, interview with Bono
5. Verbum Domini Podcast, daily readings from the Catholic Church
6. Francis Chan, Cornerstone podcast, he's going through Haggai, and on buying a Kmart for their building expansion project
9. Feeling today: Sleepy, eager for tomorrow to come. I love Sundays...
10. Oh yes, and today is my abuelita's 70th birthday. I looked at some of her pictures this morning, spent time in what used to be her room and closet, cried some. I'm thinking of her today with sadness, I miss her. She died a year ago Jan. 3rd.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
Here's my weekly update:
1. I've had a few sleepless nights, some anxiety this week, but not bad, and much better than say last month. It reminds me that I'm still working through anxiety/concussion issues but making good progress. God is with me.
2. Lifting going well, the protein I'm taking (ProComplex) works for me, giving me a more firm look. I just got back from a 30mn. run, very good. Abs next, then chest and back this PM. I lifted 4x for the first time in two months last week, plus my regular 3-4x running and abs 3-4x and eating plan every day. This week, I lifted 3x and ran 3x and abs 3x. Good maintenance week. My mark is to lift 4x/week every week and run about 3-4x every week. I'm slowly getting back to top shape.
3. Good Friday, Artist Retreat planning in high gear. March 17-19th we'll take 40 or so of our artists - musicians, graphic designers, photography, dancers, etc. to the mountains for a time of community, small groups and creativity. Our theme is "Artists in Community" around 1 Cor. 12. We'll explore issues of artists in ministry, the spiritual disciplines of the artist and working in teams. Good Friday is going well, we're doing the 8 stations (or 7 for some) of the cross. The night will include music, dance and monologues. All of our bands, choir and orchestra and soloists will be involved. I'm co-directing the evening. Very moving songs and moments along the way.
4. My wife and I need a date soon! I miss her. We've missed the last 2-3 weeks due to illness and meetings, and this Monday night, our baby sitting cancelled. We also need a 2-3 night mini-getaway. We go on dates every other Monday nights. Our daily conversations and prayer time is going well.
5. Counseling going well. For the last 5 weeks I've been going to counseling. Lately we've been talking about Safe v. Real. I'm realizing sometimes I'm not real and can play the 'fake card' when I feel unsafe. Mostly this happens in work environments. I feel an 'a-ha' moment forming in the heavens and ready to soon open up into greater impact in the Kingdom.
6. Children are a joy, but sometimes I need a break. Today, our 7 year old is taking the train with her grandparents just for fun. They came this morning and took her for the day. I feel like a super proud father, seeing our little girl in the back of their car, driving away to do a 'big-girl' trip, and without her brother and sister. Big stuff. I feel a little sad, but mostly very excited for her. Last night, I didn't feel very fatherly, but I still read to little David for 20mns. Sometimes, I don't want to do the night time routine for the 10th time in 7 days!
* * *
PAUSE: What am I supposed to do with my life? Oh yes....the eternal question. I think worship and the global Kingdom of God has something to do with it.
* * *
7. BIOLA speaking went well. I was guest speaker at BIOLA's "Major in Worship" this week through my contact Jeff Urke who is the director of the program. I got to meet the legendary Music Program director, Dr. Barry Liesch (some of you may know him). That was very fun. I hope they invite me back. My class at Talbot (MA Theology) is going well (Contemporary Theology). Gotta catch up on my reading.
8. Listening to these days:
1. Crowder, "Collission"
2. Mute Math, "Chaos"
3. Sting, "Sacred Love" - he's amazing
4. Rolling Stone Podcast, interview with Bono
5. Verbum Domini Podcast, daily readings from the Catholic Church
6. Francis Chan, Cornerstone podcast, he's going through Haggai, and on buying a Kmart for their building expansion project
9. Feeling today: Sleepy, eager for tomorrow to come. I love Sundays...
10. Oh yes, and today is my abuelita's 70th birthday. I looked at some of her pictures this morning, spent time in what used to be her room and closet, cried some. I'm thinking of her today with sadness, I miss her. She died a year ago Jan. 3rd.
Have a great day,
Into the future,
davidT
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