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This morning's interaction with my wife regarding cookies...She's at work today, I'm home with the children.
My wife: "can you make sure the cookies are in Isabela's backpack and David's backpack, they're for Kelly and Tracy."
Me: "what! I can't do that, who's going to give them the cookies? Shouldn't someone give them the cookies personally! Why don't you just ask me to give the cookies to them myself...."
My wife (tears): "that's ok, don't do it."
Me: "I'll do it, that's fine..."
My wife: "I gotta go."
Yikes! Talk about me being off my rocker. I'm off lately, dealing with bouts of anger, quick tempered and just over reacting to everything, feeling like little things are hard, can't do this, can't do that, I'm already doing so much, look at me, look at me, life is hard.
Something's off.
So I've been thinking about what it is. First, I just know something's not right. That's half the battle, acceptance that this is not good. I apologized to my wife, I feel so lame, but I know she loves me. But I have to do something.
What is my plan?
1. Called three friends and told them the scenario
2. Asked them to pray for me
3. I'm writing about what is causing all this. Usual culprits - grief, emotional overload, stress headaches in the AM's, my body feeling overloaded from emotional stress, Holiday Syndrome. My father, 2nd mother, all died in December. My concussion, in December. In November of this year, I fell off a Christmas stage (no major injury just a sore knee and ankle), then I got sick last week and it's still hanging on to me.
4. Thinking of God's graces. I just wrote down 5-6 contentment moments, thinking of Doña Lupe, she came over yesterday, made dinner for us, cleaned the kitchen floor and did laundry, all in two hours. She's my uncle's mother in law and she's going to help us out a few times a week, taking care of our children and doing some housework. This allows our children to be home by 3pm versus 5pm and get into their home routine. It's so awesome. Things like that.
5. Breakfast with my father in law. We talked this week, just praying, talking church, ministry, life, so good for me.
6. Called new mentor. Bill is a friend of dad Baker's. He's a pastor to pastors. Today I called him, and so hopefully we'll meet in the next few weeks.
7. Stay away from destructive behaviors, vices, sins. I'm asking friends to pray about my usual escapes (except for PlayStation 2 (can't afford PS3).
8. Praying, exercising (as much as this cold allows me to, very frustrating!), resting (slept 10 hours last night).
9. Vacation, I took this week off.
10. Weekend get away with my wife. We're going to the FLT Marriage Conference, I'm so glad to be with her and talk this through, mend, heal, be one.
11. Dinner with friends. On Monday, we went out with some good friends to enjoy Indian food, laugh, go to the WoW store and just have fun together.
I don't want to be like this, but the Holiday Syndrome hits me like clockwork every year, it's like a wave that I can't avoid, can't stop, but can recognize it and try to reduce it's effects on my wife, children, and ministry. I want to be filled with God's ways not my ways.
Perhaps you deal with Holiday stuff and you're beginning to notice the symptoms. Do you realize they're there? And what will you do about it? As my father in law said, anger is neither redemptive nor productive. It's time to do something about it.
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
