Welcome back. You belong here.
The other day a friend of mine said I was retiring. I guess I am, I am retiring from church as I've known it. I didn't say I'm retiring from God, in fact, I will forever love the ways of God and people not connected to God, but I'm retiring from my previous role.
Maybe I'm like a character in a play. He is no longer Character #1, he's now Character #2, but really it goes beyond that. I'm not another character in the same play, or am I? Is the play the work of God or is it life? Is the play a job, a company or church, or is that just a portion of the play?
Either way, change is here. I am changing. Does a doctor change? Does she become a different kind of doctor? Paging Dr. Ross. Or are doctors always the same? Police officers? Nurses? Teachers?
We're all changing. A mother changes, a coach changes, children are certainly changing. Politicians? Yeah, they change too often! Change is inevitable (Who moved my Cheese?).
It's all a mystery to me, after all, how do you retire? Traditionally when people retire, it means they no longer do what they used to do. So in a way, I am retiring, I no longer want to do what I've been doing.
But never say never right? I have a passion for people, for music, for the things of the spirit, I always have and I always will. My uniqueness is being in relationship with people not in traditional church, that's always been my uptake.
I'm retiring, but I'm not sure what from and what into. I'm moving on, I'm changing hats, there is no doubt change has happened. I no longer imagine myself doing what I've been doing for the past 10 years.
But how much change is there really? I still like rice better than pasta, I still sleep on the right side of the bed not the left and I still don't like jazz. A lot of me remains the same, in fact, some would say I'm becoming stubborn in "my old age".
But whatever you call this, retiring, moving on, changing, evolving, pause and reset, something is happening. A season and chapter in my life (a long chapter) has ended, and a new one in starting.
(Btw, I've never really liked "chapter" analogies, I don't relate well to books and chapters. I like more the idea of evolution or metamorphosis, like a butterfly. Just don't call me one!)
Will I fail at this new chapter of my life? Maybe. Will I want to return to my previous role? I might be tempted to, but I doubt it.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
It's Been A Struggle Just to Get This Far and There's Still a Long Way to Go But We're Making Progress
Welcome back. You belong here.
The previous post was all the good stuff, the wonderful ideas, the great plans. But getting this far has been a struggle and there's still a long way to go.
Where will we live? Jobs? Housing? etc...
But through this process, we've been led by a few truths that have not only challenged and tested us, but have really begun to change the way "we do business". This is what's most exciting to me.
1. Which voice am I listening to?
My own voice often tells me "Danger, Danger! Go Back!" I'm addicted to comfort and security, if it was up to me, I'd never go anywhere, change anything, I would be the type to work at Ford Co. for 50 years back when that was possible, even if I hated it. But I'm beginning to trust the voice of God inside of me (thank you Oprah) and to realize that's the voice I need to listen to the most, even if that voice makes no practical sense whatsoever!
2. I need to grow and change.
I need to grow in grace, in forgiveness, there are people I have yet to forgive for past hurts, I need to figure that out someday. There are things in my character that are off when it comes to forgiveness and resentment. Just today, I bit off a friend's head even though he was just stopping by to say hello.
3. Fear v Love
Much of my adult life, I've lived out of Fear not Love. Why? Many reasons, childhood stuff, life as an immigrant, growing up without my parents, but really it's just who I am. I began the process of being led by Love not Fear a few months ago, being led by the things that I'm passionate about, that really drive me, regardless of money, success or opinion.
In my gut I believe I was created to be a:
a. Musician
b. Pastor
4. Letting Go of My Control and Security
Wow, this is a rough one. I struggle with it every day but I'm finally in the game. It used to be that I would succumb to fear every time, giving up on my dreams to change the world for Jesus due to fear. But now I'm trying to let go of control every day.
House for Sale. Sell right away? Nope, it took 6-7 weeks. Did we get good money for it? Hah! Are we going to CA to sweet paying jobs and security and safety? No, we have none of those things.
I am an idol worshipper. I worship the idol of security and safety. Just like Israel built a golden pig as a god because waiting on Moses' God "took too long", I too have made an idol of a job, a house, a comfortable life and always knowing what I was going to do next.
All those are now gone, gone. I know nothing. And whereas the first few months I fought it like a mad, the more I surrender, the stronger I get. God wants to be my only God, "you shall have no other gods before me", not security, not a job, not safety, but God himself. Tough.
5. Letting Go of our children.
I've had to let God be the God of our children, and even though I'd do anything for them, I'm being challenged every day to trust them to God. I love them, care for them, can't live without them, but I also need to realize that they are God's children first then ours. And that one day they will leave and will have to follow God themselves. Again, tough.
6. One with my wife.
I don't know how it happened, but I've never felt more united with my wife than the last three months. Just today we were sitting on the porch talking as a strong June CO rain hit. We talked for 30-40 mns, being one, it was almost like we were listening to the same song, humming the same melody, the lyrics, the high and low parts together, it was amazing.
7. Fearlessness
I'm trying to stop being such a chicken and instead confront my fears, be free, be led by love. And when I reach my end (like this morning in the garage), to call out to God. And even though I heard nothing, I took a nap, felt stronger and kept going.
That's being fearless.
Fearlessness is also looking for donors for our music company, it's admitting when I'm wrong, it's challenging the system, it's speaking up for my dreams, it's explaining myself better, it's packing, it's calling people to help us move.
It's been a struggle to get this far and there's still a long way to go, but what's exciting is that I'm becoming the Fearless person I'm meant to be.
The previous post was all the good stuff, the wonderful ideas, the great plans. But getting this far has been a struggle and there's still a long way to go.
Where will we live? Jobs? Housing? etc...
But through this process, we've been led by a few truths that have not only challenged and tested us, but have really begun to change the way "we do business". This is what's most exciting to me.
1. Which voice am I listening to?
My own voice often tells me "Danger, Danger! Go Back!" I'm addicted to comfort and security, if it was up to me, I'd never go anywhere, change anything, I would be the type to work at Ford Co. for 50 years back when that was possible, even if I hated it. But I'm beginning to trust the voice of God inside of me (thank you Oprah) and to realize that's the voice I need to listen to the most, even if that voice makes no practical sense whatsoever!
2. I need to grow and change.
I need to grow in grace, in forgiveness, there are people I have yet to forgive for past hurts, I need to figure that out someday. There are things in my character that are off when it comes to forgiveness and resentment. Just today, I bit off a friend's head even though he was just stopping by to say hello.
3. Fear v Love
Much of my adult life, I've lived out of Fear not Love. Why? Many reasons, childhood stuff, life as an immigrant, growing up without my parents, but really it's just who I am. I began the process of being led by Love not Fear a few months ago, being led by the things that I'm passionate about, that really drive me, regardless of money, success or opinion.
In my gut I believe I was created to be a:
a. Musician
b. Pastor
4. Letting Go of My Control and Security
Wow, this is a rough one. I struggle with it every day but I'm finally in the game. It used to be that I would succumb to fear every time, giving up on my dreams to change the world for Jesus due to fear. But now I'm trying to let go of control every day.
House for Sale. Sell right away? Nope, it took 6-7 weeks. Did we get good money for it? Hah! Are we going to CA to sweet paying jobs and security and safety? No, we have none of those things.
I am an idol worshipper. I worship the idol of security and safety. Just like Israel built a golden pig as a god because waiting on Moses' God "took too long", I too have made an idol of a job, a house, a comfortable life and always knowing what I was going to do next.
All those are now gone, gone. I know nothing. And whereas the first few months I fought it like a mad, the more I surrender, the stronger I get. God wants to be my only God, "you shall have no other gods before me", not security, not a job, not safety, but God himself. Tough.
5. Letting Go of our children.
I've had to let God be the God of our children, and even though I'd do anything for them, I'm being challenged every day to trust them to God. I love them, care for them, can't live without them, but I also need to realize that they are God's children first then ours. And that one day they will leave and will have to follow God themselves. Again, tough.
6. One with my wife.
I don't know how it happened, but I've never felt more united with my wife than the last three months. Just today we were sitting on the porch talking as a strong June CO rain hit. We talked for 30-40 mns, being one, it was almost like we were listening to the same song, humming the same melody, the lyrics, the high and low parts together, it was amazing.
7. Fearlessness
I'm trying to stop being such a chicken and instead confront my fears, be free, be led by love. And when I reach my end (like this morning in the garage), to call out to God. And even though I heard nothing, I took a nap, felt stronger and kept going.
That's being fearless.
Fearlessness is also looking for donors for our music company, it's admitting when I'm wrong, it's challenging the system, it's speaking up for my dreams, it's explaining myself better, it's packing, it's calling people to help us move.
It's been a struggle to get this far and there's still a long way to go, but what's exciting is that I'm becoming the Fearless person I'm meant to be.
Our Next Steps
Welcome back. You belong here.
Well, we're moving back to Long Beach, CA next week. We've lived here in Denver, CO for three years and although it's been good, we feel we're supposed to be in CA.
Our theology of location says Long Beach, CA. It's the city where I grew up and much of our ministry lives have been spent. The city continues (as many others) to grow both in need and in opportunities. Most of all, we have many connections there and God is leading us back. We also love our families and are thankful to be close to them again.
We have no jobs, no long term place to stay, we have some options, but nothing solid. Teaching jobs (my wife teaches) are non-existent and for me, I'm not sure where I'll work or when. Home Depot? Outreach director? Engineering? Not a clue...
My passions are two:
1. Start our own church which we will call a Neighbors Abbey, which will be committed to neighborhood development, formation and simple community
2. Music - to play my own music around town, form a band and keep recording. I also love mentoring young artists. We've thought about opening a music production business similar to this one and this one somewhere in downtown Long Beach for children and youth not just inner city but for all youth.
My wife's passion is teaching and to do outreach to the children during after school programs. We are a great team, and we value the same things from different angles but ending in the same place. Did I mention we are a great team and madly in love with each other? Our children will attend a dual language school in Long Beach. Canela (12) wants to study writing at UCLA and be an author.
My ideal job would be to do outreach at a small local faith community, serve neighborhood schools, the poor, the immigrant, while developing relationships with people not connected to God and eventually developing a simple faith community around them called Neighbors Abbey.
There are many faith communities with this vision in mind, including the original Neighbors Abbey in Atlanta with my friend Troy. See more of Troy's work here.
My wife would love to teach 1st-5th grade in a neighborhood school near where we live, where she can teach inner city children and help them through after school programs both academically and spiritually.
We want to live in the neighborhood where we will serve.
All of these things, we've been doing and preparing for intentionally for the past 3 years and in many ways for the past 10.
Want to join us?
Well, we're moving back to Long Beach, CA next week. We've lived here in Denver, CO for three years and although it's been good, we feel we're supposed to be in CA.
Our theology of location says Long Beach, CA. It's the city where I grew up and much of our ministry lives have been spent. The city continues (as many others) to grow both in need and in opportunities. Most of all, we have many connections there and God is leading us back. We also love our families and are thankful to be close to them again.
We have no jobs, no long term place to stay, we have some options, but nothing solid. Teaching jobs (my wife teaches) are non-existent and for me, I'm not sure where I'll work or when. Home Depot? Outreach director? Engineering? Not a clue...My passions are two:
1. Start our own church which we will call a Neighbors Abbey, which will be committed to neighborhood development, formation and simple community
2. Music - to play my own music around town, form a band and keep recording. I also love mentoring young artists. We've thought about opening a music production business similar to this one and this one somewhere in downtown Long Beach for children and youth not just inner city but for all youth.My wife's passion is teaching and to do outreach to the children during after school programs. We are a great team, and we value the same things from different angles but ending in the same place. Did I mention we are a great team and madly in love with each other? Our children will attend a dual language school in Long Beach. Canela (12) wants to study writing at UCLA and be an author.
My ideal job would be to do outreach at a small local faith community, serve neighborhood schools, the poor, the immigrant, while developing relationships with people not connected to God and eventually developing a simple faith community around them called Neighbors Abbey.
There are many faith communities with this vision in mind, including the original Neighbors Abbey in Atlanta with my friend Troy. See more of Troy's work here.
My wife would love to teach 1st-5th grade in a neighborhood school near where we live, where she can teach inner city children and help them through after school programs both academically and spiritually.
We want to live in the neighborhood where we will serve.
All of these things, we've been doing and preparing for intentionally for the past 3 years and in many ways for the past 10.
Want to join us?
Friday, June 10, 2011
New Blog Post: My Addiction to Comfort and Security and How I'm Beating It
Welcome back. You belong here.
Addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, etc are common, but being addicted to comfort and security is not something talked about much.
Hello, my name is David Trig and I am addicted to comfort and security, but I'm trying to beat it.
How can you be addicted to comfort and security? Am I rich, spoiled, did I win the lottery or inherit a bunch of money? Do I live in Beverly Hills or am I used to Cadillacs and Bentleys? Hardly. I come from very humble if not poor beginnings.
The thing about the addiction to comfort and security are two things:
1. It has nothing to do with how much money you actually have
2. It's widely accepted in our society as "taking care of your family" or "moving up in the world"
There are people not addicted to comfort and safety that will read this post and think "how can you be addicted to money if you don't have any?"
First, I'm not addicted to money, I'm addicted to safety and comfort. That's the illusion that if you have enough around you, whether it's a job, money, space, Cheerios boxes, orange juice, you will be okay, if you don't, you wont' be.
Second, it's an illusion that you work very hard to maintain. I know better than to think I can control my life, the things I have, or how long I will live. But for the addict, you think you can control these things by working hard, stressing, being anxious or worst yet, not taking any risks.
Third, you don't take any risks. You can call it being faithless, chicken, fearful, but at the heart of it is a fear of financial, personal or emotional bankruptcy.
Addicts of Safety and Comfort often live frustrated lives. They are people who trade in their dreams and aspirations for the sake of safety and control. It's the opposite of being fearless, it's giving into your worse fears for the sake of being safe.
What has helped me deal with this addiction and begin to beat it?
1. Focus on Love not Fear. "Perfect love casts out all fear", instead of thinking catastrophically about all the bad things that can happen, the what if's, try to focus on what you Love, your passions, even if they will make you no money or bring you security
2. Tell yourself a mantra, a saying or truth that helps during those times of Fear and Anxiety. Mine is "I am not my fears, I am bigger than that." For others it could be "Cease striving and know that I am God"
3. Seek encouraging people and avoid negative ones
4. Don't read economic updates, they're often depressing
5. Read the Scriptures, I read the Psalms daily
6. Start a Gratitude Journal
Beating comfort and security is not easy, similar to a person beating any addiction it takes guidance, coaching and patience. You also need to want to change. For a long time I had no desire to change and instead I lived a life of fear and visionary compromise.
I don't want to be addicted to comfort and security, instead I want to live for my passions - music and helping people find God. I've actually taken the first few steps towards that in leaving the security of the contemporary church towards a bivocational, simpler style of church we call Neighbors Abbey.
Addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, etc are common, but being addicted to comfort and security is not something talked about much.
Hello, my name is David Trig and I am addicted to comfort and security, but I'm trying to beat it.
How can you be addicted to comfort and security? Am I rich, spoiled, did I win the lottery or inherit a bunch of money? Do I live in Beverly Hills or am I used to Cadillacs and Bentleys? Hardly. I come from very humble if not poor beginnings.
The thing about the addiction to comfort and security are two things:
1. It has nothing to do with how much money you actually have
2. It's widely accepted in our society as "taking care of your family" or "moving up in the world"
There are people not addicted to comfort and safety that will read this post and think "how can you be addicted to money if you don't have any?"
First, I'm not addicted to money, I'm addicted to safety and comfort. That's the illusion that if you have enough around you, whether it's a job, money, space, Cheerios boxes, orange juice, you will be okay, if you don't, you wont' be.
Second, it's an illusion that you work very hard to maintain. I know better than to think I can control my life, the things I have, or how long I will live. But for the addict, you think you can control these things by working hard, stressing, being anxious or worst yet, not taking any risks.
Third, you don't take any risks. You can call it being faithless, chicken, fearful, but at the heart of it is a fear of financial, personal or emotional bankruptcy.
Addicts of Safety and Comfort often live frustrated lives. They are people who trade in their dreams and aspirations for the sake of safety and control. It's the opposite of being fearless, it's giving into your worse fears for the sake of being safe.
What has helped me deal with this addiction and begin to beat it?
1. Focus on Love not Fear. "Perfect love casts out all fear", instead of thinking catastrophically about all the bad things that can happen, the what if's, try to focus on what you Love, your passions, even if they will make you no money or bring you security
2. Tell yourself a mantra, a saying or truth that helps during those times of Fear and Anxiety. Mine is "I am not my fears, I am bigger than that." For others it could be "Cease striving and know that I am God"
3. Seek encouraging people and avoid negative ones
4. Don't read economic updates, they're often depressing
5. Read the Scriptures, I read the Psalms daily
6. Start a Gratitude Journal
Beating comfort and security is not easy, similar to a person beating any addiction it takes guidance, coaching and patience. You also need to want to change. For a long time I had no desire to change and instead I lived a life of fear and visionary compromise.
I don't want to be addicted to comfort and security, instead I want to live for my passions - music and helping people find God. I've actually taken the first few steps towards that in leaving the security of the contemporary church towards a bivocational, simpler style of church we call Neighbors Abbey.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Can You Speak Louder Please, I Can't Hear You!
Welcome back. You belong here.
I'm here in my garage blogging, sitting on a stool, listening to "Politik" by Coldplay (I'm on a Coldplay kick FYI, great band!) This feels more like a random post than a specific one so hang on.
I've been blogging through the transition from traditional church to a simpler model of faith and mission we call Neighbors Abbey.
The other day, our children asked me "Papi, why don't you just get another job at a church playing music?" It was great to explain to them that our focus has changed, that although God uses all kinds of churches, we believe it's time for us to focus on something simpler, smaller, more manageable inside and out, where we can serve our neighbors together, love one another deeply and have a deep sense of spiritual formation.
How are we doing? We're being challenged left and right in our areas of weakness and stress, but we hear the voice of our Good God gently guiding us.
"Can you speak louder please! And while you're at it, can you actually do something!"
Ooops, that was my inner voice speaking...
The reality is we live in the tension of the two, at times we feel lost, not in our vision or decision to leave traditional church and move towards a simpler lifestyle, but in the lack of tangible results - financially, jobs, someone buying our house, etc.
It's been a battle.
But we hear the voice of God guiding us, in fact, we've never felt more sure that we are to move back to SoCal inspite of the economic challenges. We feel confident that our time here in Colorado has come to an end, and although we remain surrendered to God, we hear his voice guiding us back.
Into what? A sweet paying job? A raise, a bigger house? Not even close. For those, it would be better to stay here in CO where are there are more financial opportunities. But as my spiritual director recently told me "We follow God into the place of greatest surrender (Spanish - entrega), not the greatest possibilities". Bummer. But God keeps saying to me "Don't look for riches on earth, look to me, invest in my Kingdom and I will supply your every need."
That's tough to hear, but it's what we're doing, trusting God for our future, moving in obedience, coming together as a family, as a couple just about every hour, to pray, confess our weaknesses to each other, our earthly and fleshly desires to be safe, seek comfort, seek the past and to not chicken shit out.
But we persevere, because God is in this thing.
On the other side, I have visions of God moving in huge ways through us, I can see it. But beyond the work, the production, the doing, I have visions (ok, nightmares), of what kind of person God is making me out to be.
God wants me to be like Jesus.
God wants me to be less controlling, more simple, less angry, more gentle in spirit, less dependent on a salary, income, safety and security. On the plus side, he wants me to be more courageous, more fearless. That's the David I want to be, not the one who chickens out of challenges, or gives into anxiety and fear, but the one God has named "FEARLESS", that's my new name btw, Fearless Trig. I like it.
I love music, I love people, I am a feeler and an achiever, I have a passion for Jesus and love people far from the Kingdom and want to help them find faith once again or for the very first time.
My wife and I are committed to this, her and I are one in our mission, even though we're currently being challenged left and right - sickness, house not selling, financially, patience, waiting, fear, you name it. But every morning we get up and the first thing we do is spend an hour each day praying, encouraging each other, comforting one another, seeking God together, crying out to Him as one.
And our children are watching, the good and the bad, but we'd want it no other way. For the first time in my 42 years and in our 16 years of marriage and 12 years of having our children, I am actually leading them to Jesus myself, not letting Kidz Church do it for me. It's not that I haven't been praying for them, tucking them in at night and reading them books, I've done that since they were born, but this is deeper, different, it's more direct. I love it even though it's hard.
Our children get to see me struggle but they also get to see me seek God, find my strength in God, they see us serving our neighbors, in fact they themselves are doing it, talking to their friends about faith in God, about Jesus, about our Neighbors Abbey.
§
The other day, Isabela our 9 year old was on our front yard with her little friend from across the street, they were playing with water balloons. I don't know how it all started, but they were suddenly talking about church and being a follower of God.
Isabela said to her friend, "going to church doesn't make you a Christian, like my tape says, does being in a garage make you into a car?" Her friend said "no". "It's about having God in your life, it's not about going to church."
WOW!
We all pitched in, and explained a bit of what it means to be loved by God, but the work had been done. Isabela did a perfect job, in a way her friend could understand, of what it means to be follow God.
§
The other day a neighbor wrote me this email, our relationship has been our neighborhood, not church, not women's ministry, but instead it's been the Kingdom of God in daily things.
hey David,
Do you know if the Garage Sales are going on today and this weekend? I haven't seen any signs.
I am sorry to see your house up for sale but hope you are able to move forward in the direction you would like. You have done a great job of pulling the neighborhood together.
It's Isabela's story and emails like this that keep us going on this missionary journey. When we feel worried or tired of waiting for the house to sell, for jobs, etc. God leads us with his gentle voice, through the scriptures, in worship songs, sensations, dreams, intuitions, words from our children, our friends, calls, emails, a $20 gift card in the mail, etc.
John 10 has led us through this time of waiting, it says that God leads his own:
When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” If you are wondering whether you're doing the right thing in your passion to serve the King, be it through a hot dog stand, your job as a teacher or doctor, as a mother or father, may our story encourage you to not give up and to listen for the Good Voice.
His voice is all we need.
Don't listen to the liar, the thief, your enemies, listen to God's voice, to that strong but gentle sound leading us towards His will, to his purposes for our lives.
If we fail to listen, we will suffer and endure the consequences, but in his grace, he will bring us back to that place once again and give us another chance.
Let's listen this time!
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