We Left to Give to Others Not to Be Selfish

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So I'm blogging through the process of leaving a full time job doing church to serve my community, help the poor and help people find God.

The last few weeks have been filled with job applications, resumes, and giving up Anxiety for Lent.  It's also been a time to hear my soul. What is my soul saying?

I've been Regular not Radical.

Even though the last few weeks have been tough, the hardest thing is to realize how unwilling I am to give my self away. I am working day and night trying not to fall off the financial wagon, trying to make sure our family has everything we need. Everything.

I want a job
I want insurance
I want to live where I'm happy
I want to have a nice job
I want to hang out with nice people
I want to be in educated and a professional environments
I want to make money, as much or more than before
I want, I want, I want...wow

We don't need all that. We need less.

We could cancel direcTV completely instead of partially. We could move into a smaller house, rent, we could sell half the clothes we have and give the money to the poor.

Every time someone moves what is it they always say: We have too much junk! I'm gonna get rid of half of it and live with less. Then you start buying more clothes, more coats, more stuff and you're back to where you started.

We left to give to others, not to get another job so we can keep living our regular lives. We left to give to others, to help the poor. But I'm selfish.

The other day, a friend who's volunteering at the local Head Start called me and said "Trig, we could really use your Spanish and mentorship skills here, would you pray and consider volunteering" I immediately thought "volunteer? Hah, I need cash!"

I've been asking a lot of people in high places for recommendations. All of them are more than willing to put in a good word for me. But how am I helping them? How am I serving the poor in spirit in them? Am I asking how they are, what they need? No. I'm more interested in getting the next job so I can keep things as they were and not skip a beat. That's not the ways of the Kingdom of God, that's the path of the American Dream and the path of opportunity.

That's not being Radical, that's being Regular.

My spiritual director told me a few weeks ago "faith is the path of greatest sacrifice and devotion, not of greatest opportunity" I want the greatest opportunity. But I don't.

Outside my office in Old Town, there are two homeless guys Steve and Dan. I've talked to Steve, he needs help.

The children at Head Start need mentors.

The parents at Children's Hospital need a translator.

The principal at our school needs prayer, she deals with a lot.

Two of my neighbors need someone to listen.

Three other families in our neighborhood, need someone to bring them together to celebrate Maria coming home after her house burned down and she lost her husband last April.

A girl l I met today needs a place to belong.

My friends who are young marrieds, need a place to belong.

Sophie needs prayer, she's 7 and has a tumor in her brain. Her parents need love.

The children in the soccer league at our school need mentors.

The coach needs someone to set-up the goals before he can get there.

Today I went and had lunch with our children at school. As I sat there with our 9 year old and then with our 7 year old, I couldn't help but feel compassion for the children watching us eat. I started to talking to them, Omar, Oscar, Ian. Most of these children are on free and reduced lunch programs, most of them take white plastic bags of food home every Friday as they board the school bus. Most of them live under the poverty line, many children of undocumented families who struggle every day, living in crowded apartments or trailerparks. I know many of them by name.

But instead of serving, I'm anxious over getting a job that will make me feel safe and secure. That's not why I left. Sometimes it's hard to change old habits.

What are your old habits that need to die? Where are you being Regular instead of Radical?

We left to give to others not to be selfish. Something needs to change.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

I Love My New Church

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Just got back from a kid party and I loved it. What I loved was talking to the parents, people we've known for three years through school, people with very little pretense. True, we perhaps don't know each other very deeply, but it's much better than soccer team acquaintances at the Y. They are real.

They are nurses and teachers, executive directors, PhD's and UPS workers. They are parents our age done trying to impress each other and now learning to keep our dreams alive as we see our children grow.

As our children danced and ate, laughed and talked, the adults also talked, catching up on life. Many of them asked me with concern and care how my job search is going. Very kind people.

But there's pain all around. A friend told me he had a female friend over for drinks while his wife was away. He said "my wife is always gone, so I thought, why not!" I told him of my love for city development and my desire to be a spiritual guide to people. He seemed very uncomfortable but I'm glad to be in his life as a spiritual person, he needs a true friend.

When we got home, Rachelle said "that was our church tonight." At first I said "the only thing missing was a sacred space", but after thinking of the conversations we had, I realize there was sacred space all around. I love our new church.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

For Lent I'm Giving Up: Anxiety

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YOU CAN ALSO LISTEN TO OUR ASH WEDNESDAY PODCAST AT:
Neighbors Abbey Denver Podcast - Ash Wednesday.

Today is Ash Wednesday and I had another Holy Visitation, the first one is here.  Yesterday I woke up thinking about the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" and especially Aaron Ivey's version. I've sung that version before and it's always filled me with strength and perspective.

Imposition of Ashes on Ash Wednesday

As you may know, I left the traditional church 10 days ago to pursue my dream to start a Neighbors Abbey and do city development. The process has not been easy and last week I experienced one of my worst panic attacks in years.

But today I woke up with a focus on surrendering Anxiety for Lent. It was a Holy Visitation.

Lent starts today Ash Wednesday when people  traditional give up something and take the "Imposition of Ashes" as a symbol of mourning and repentance to God.

As I listened to "It Is Well" and as I spoke to my wife about it, I felt God saying "This man lost his four daughters and near his wife in a tragic boat accident, returned to the scene of the crime and wrote 'It is well with my soul'", can you do the same?

So today, Ash Wednesday and for the next 40 days, I am giving up Anxiety.

I am giving up stressing over a job, unless it comes to me.
I am giving up worrying every day about money, about my future, about what I will do with my life as an almost 42 year old switching gears mid stream.
I am giving up tirelessly trying to make things happen.

Instead I will focus on the beauty of this Sabbatical, and focus on life giving things:

1. Neighbors Abbey podcasts
2. My Music
3. Exercise, yoga and eating healthy
4. Prayer and meditation, contemplation and retreat
5. Doing laundry, going grocery shopping and taking our children to the doctor

I know I will be tested, I already feel the impulse to get on the phone, email, make sure I'm out there pursuing things, but I'm resisting and instead focusing on things above.

The way I see it, this 40-day Lenten season is a Sabbatical of sorts, a time to regroup, to recalibrate my soul. After all, the charge before me is huge and there will be plenty of time in the future to worry about them.

There are so many things ahead of us, many questions still unanswered. But for the next 40 days, through Easter Sunday, April 24th, 2011 and the Resurrection of King Jesus, I will give up Anxiety and  store up treasures that last.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Wild Swings

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Panic Attack Support

Well, the last two weeks I've experienced some wild mood swings from times of amazing joy and opportunity to some real lows.

It all hit me last night as I had one of my worst (if not the worst) panic attacks in a long time.

Btw, did you know that people who suffer panic attacks are usually people with high IQ's (I knew I was smart!) : )

The loss of my job has been a huge stress and I've managed it by over doing, over thinking, over analyzing, analysis-paralysis. This creates a methodical and unassertive response which loops itself into more 'what-ifs' and analysis. What I need is action.

So over the weekend my wife and I continued, as I joke with her, my "salvation process". In fact I would say we've made some final decisions. Our white board now says "Get Moving!" followed by a big green arrow.

We'll talk more about these decisions in the days and weeks to come. But in some ways, even though last night's panic attack was not fun, it was necessary.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Why Futbol at Foster Tugs at My Heart

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Last year, I helped direct Fútbol at Foster, an 8-week soccer league for 4th grade mostly Latino boys and girls (about 20 of them) at EL Foster Elementary School in Arvada, CO (more here).

Today at school, as it happens almost every week, a boy asked me "when does the soccer league start again?" I'm not sure I can help this year as I've got to find a job and figure out life.

I read on a blog on urban development that the worst thing leaders and directors do is start things and then leave. The youth and children are the ones that usually suffer. I can see that happening with Fútbol at Foster.

I didn't grow up playing soccer, I'm not a soccer coach, I don't really know much about the sport except as a fan. But when I was 9 years old, a coach gave me a chance to be a part of his team for one afternoon and kick a soccer ball into the goal during one of his practices. I felt so special. This is how these children must feel.

I know that if I help with Fútbol at Foster, it will be a huge success. All the parts are in place and the excitement is high, in fact, it will probably be better, more teams, more games, a greater impact.

Even though I don't know what I will do this Spring, or if I will direct the soccer league, I can tell you that Fútbol at Foster is tugging at my heart strings. In fact, it makes me cry every time I think about it. We'll see what happens.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Jelly Beans for Everyone

Welcome back. You belong here.

I'm blogging through the transition from institutional church to a hybrid model of community impact and spiritual formation - a Neighbors Abbey.

I look forward to the day when we begin to gather with people at our home and worship together while being on mission with God. The other day, we were talking about this as a family, and our 9-year old said "we can give out jelly beans".

I think our tag line will be "Neighbors Abbey - Jelly Beans for Everyone". Everyone likes jelly beans.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Leaving the Comforts of Home Is Not Easy but Important

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I'm blogging through the process of leaving the institutional structure for my passions and ideals.

My passion and ideal is to bring small businesses, neighborhoods and community organizations together to help those in need by developing a deep sense of community, ownership and generosity.

For more on what we're doing in neighborhoods see here, here and here.

Leaving the comforts of home is never easy and it's specially not easy when you have a family, an amazing wife and three radically beautiful children. But it's the right thing to do.

I find myself having to deal with a lot of practical questions both inside and out: "what will you do now", "what are your marketable skills", "have you found a job yet". I ask myself those things all the time but I'm trying not to live there.

Instead my focus is to think, to consider and reflect not on the possibilities or best (or worst) career move, but on the greatest place of sacrifice, generosity and joy. In other words on my ideals.

Can we be idealists in this day and age when money is tight, jobs are scarce and unemployment is high? Yes you can. It is the ideals that give shape to what really matters - giving hope to others, sacrifice, love, to be a great husband, an amazing father and to live deeply.

Some call us artists or dreamers, Peter Block calls us social architects, community developers, neighborhood revitalizers. It's all part of the same make up of people called to change the world. I want to change the world and to do it together with my wife, children and a band of brothers. I want to make a difference in the world and right now leaving the comforts of home, a steady salary, a successful production manager career together with the book and cell phone benefits is the next step.

Am I concerned about health insurance, retirement, a college fund and money to pay rent? Of course I am, and life seems to constantly pressure you towards those worries.

But for now, in this liminal space, this in between jobs, I'm holding on to my ideals, those God given passions inside of me that will never go away.

That's what living is all about.
The rest will come by faith.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

My First EP

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As I've mentioned here before, I just released my new EP "Spring of My Soul". I've setup a Facebook page here where  you can listen and purchase the songs. I've also included a link to a FREE download here. 

The EP is a combination of songs about waiting ("Just a Few More Hours") and fun songs about snow days such as "Crazy". 

Since Facebook has not repaired the "suggest to friends" feature, help me out by joining on the page and sharing with your friends. Thanks so much!

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

How and When did Missional, Kingdom, Postmodernity, Emergent, Formation, Justice Happen for me

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I'm not going to label myself as missional, that's too narrow a definition. I do believe missional gifts have always been in me but so have other things. Music, formation, justice and others. The social justice arm is something I saw modeled by my father as a little boy growing up in Nicaragua.

Mission for me (as I remember) started when I was 13 years old. I used to stand on the street corner of 10th and Cherry in Long Beach, CA outside McCoy's supermarket, and help the elderly cross the street, push their carts, etc. It was my way to serve others in the name of God.

As an adult, the Kingdom of God focus happened about 7 years ago while listening to a sermon by a mission's pastor. The guest speaker talked about Jonathan getting out from under the "pomegranate tree"(while Saul lazily camped out) to go and do the will of God. I remember God clearly telling me (with my lovely wife sitting next to me) "I want you to get out from under the pomegranate tree and follow me". It took me 7 years, but I'm finally doing it.

As a contemplative/artistic type, I've always enjoyed Formation (meditation, prayer, solitude, etc) but it became a focus reading Nouwen, Willard, Richard Foster, Manning and others. I went on silent retreats before it was Clairborne-monastic-cool. But the biggest growth in formation happened about 8 years ago when a friend invited me to join a spiritual formation group. This catapulted my growth as I went from walking alone to walking with others.

I also remember when I first heard of postmodernity. I was a sophomore in college (1990), at a college retreat up in the mountains and the speaker (a guy maybe 4-5 years older than me), talked about postmodernity around the campfire. I had been reading about it myself, but this guy rocked my world. Then I read McLaren's first book "A New Kind of Christian" and that did it. I was forever changed. Emergent, postmodernity, etc. it all made sense to me.

My first experience with a pastor leaving traditional church was a young guy at a cool church back during the GenX church-within-a-church years (circa 1995). I remember him taking a group of us out to lunch and saying crazy stuff like "we can't just preach the Word, we have to live differently and love people". That was so radical at the time, but I knew he was right.

The worship burnout was something I saw in a man in his 70's about 15 years ago.  I remember asking him after a great night of worship "how do you keep doing it after all these years?" He turned to me and said in a strong but sad voice, something like "I don't know why I'm still doing this, it's no fun anymore". I told myself "I'll never be like that" I'm glad I got out when I did.

And the story continues...that's the exciting part!

May God give us all times to listen, times to reflect and eventually times to act on what we know to be true.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

The Signs are Everywhere

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I'm blogging through our transition from traditional church to missional bivocational living. This week has had it all, sadness and anxiety to moments of pure joy.

Today at yoga, our guide led us through a brief meditation exercise. As she was doing it I got this sense, "I want to lead people here at Y through the same thing, maybe I can offer classes on spiritual direction". I have no idea if that's possible and I may or may not look into it (probably will), but it was another example of the signs.

Being in this place of not knowing our next steps is exciting but hard. One thing I notice is how wide open my mind is to the signs all around me. Sometimes those signs can be lies, for example I'll think something really bad is going to happen to my wife or children or that I have a brain tumor (I don't).

But the other signs are lights, guidance that comes from truth, from my life, from the spirit, from what's real about me in light of how God made me. They tell me things such as "slow down", "take time to meditate", "pursue me", "read a book", "go to yoga", "look into that", "don't believe that person".

I'm reading a few books right now. One "The Good and Beautiful God" by James Bryan Smith about letting God love you. Very deep stuff as letting an invisible being love us is not easy. I'm also reading "Opening to God: Lectio Divina and Life as Prayer" by David Benner on prayer and meditation.

Lastly, I'm on the last chapter of "The Answer to How is Yes" by Peter Block on being an architect, and building life together with others around you. I love this book.

Sometimes I feel powerless and that's actually the best place for me to be versus the pursuer, networker, solution giver. I have none of those things. When I realize how powerless I am, I get glimpses of where God wants me. I'm trying not to "try so hard" and instead trying (or not trying) to listen to the signs around me.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Soundcloud, MySpace, etc

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Where to post your music? That's a big question. I have my music on myspace.com/dtrigueros as well as Sound Cloud. Some say Myspace is dead but I like their option to BUY music. Soundcloud doesn't give you that option.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Tomorrow is a Big Day

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Tomorrow we begin a new chapter in our lives. We are thankful for all we've done so far and look forward to more.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidTrig

Rediscover My Life

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City Manager, Priest, Mayor, Nadia, Villaraigosa, Obando y Bravo, MA Religious Studies Boulder, MPA Denver, music, always music, lover of God, always lover of God, Emergent, Missional, one with my wife and children, always one.

The sky is the limit, I can be any thing I want. Lord, lead me.
You too can rediscover your life today!

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT

Song Writing, Recording and Missional Living

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I'm in the process of recording my 1st EP, called "Spring of My Soul" in honor of this blog. I will begin to describe the story behind each song as well as the recording process here and on my YouTube Channel. Pictures of gigs will be on my Facebook page. I will also describe our new missional life.

You can check out rough cuts of the songs at myspace.com/dtrigueros
Thanks for listening.

Have a great day. 

Into the future,

davidTrig

Gift of Time

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It's been a while, thanks for being here. These last two weeks were my official gift of time, a time to think and pray about the future. Had a great time. Changes coming. See you soon.

Have a great day.
Into the future,

davidT