Wednesday, April 12, 2006

On the Verge of Tears

Welcome back. You belong here.

I feel constantly on the verge of tears these days. My wife has mono, well, now the doctor called yesterday and said the blood tests said it's not mono that she has to do more blood work to see what it is. She feels miserable, sore and swollen throat and glands, achy body, little energy, headaches, some fever.

Amidst it all I hang onto my God and King. Last night I was calling him Father. "Father, I need you to be near me, raise up my wife from this place. I pray the tests come back normal and that she can be healed from whatever she has. Father, be near me."

And Good Friday and Easter is in full swing, working 60-70 hours the last few weeks, directing a group of about 100 artists, dancers, singers, etc. It's a privilege.

This is when the resurrected Christ makes sense to me. Why do I believe in the Resurrection? Because if Jesus is not alive, I have no hope when I pray for the healing of my wife, for the strength for my body, for the clarity in the storm. If there is no risen Christ, how can I be raised from this time of my life?

My concussion, headaches, dizzyness, counseling, work challenges, now my wife's non-mono, not sure what she has. It's been a challenging three months.

My heart is steadfast on the risen power of Christ, Jesus my Lord, Father. In him I trust, in Him is my moving and being, in Him I rest. I am challenged every morning as I feel on the verge of tears, to leave it at the cross, to trust God with it all, to not expect the worse but to stay calm and trust.

And in the middle of it all, the graces come like rain. Rachelle's teaching partner (R' has missed 6 days of work), is sub for her which means less sub plans for Rachelle, Kelly is picking up our 7 year old after school, Madie is coming over tonight to help with the night time routine as I do another 6-midnight rehearsal, Charlie brought some food the other night, her mom brought her flowers. The graces come from unexpected places and soothe our souls, they comfort us. "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me..." Psalm 23.

UPDATE:
1. It's time for a new blog header - Winter is over, Spring is here
2. Running this AM, 30mns. was good. Abs, coming up, lifting will have to wait until Saturday. Good Friday is taking up too much of my extra time.
3. This Friday at 8am, I wave the American flag and become a U.S. Citizen at the LA Convention Center together with thousands of people. "Welcome to my country."

Thank you for praying.

Have a great day.

Into the future,

davidT