Welcome back. You belong here.
I need to become more Emotionally balanced
Counseling – I’m a good candidate for long term counseling (said Laura, my counselor after 8 weeks of therapy). I agree.
The safety net was gone at 12yrs old, came to abuelita who caught me, she was my other safety net, but now that’s also gone. Now it’s just me (and Jesus and the Body) and the courage to have God lead me forward and to the vision He has given me
To lead my wife and children
I don’t want to get stuck in emotional goo
Emotional goo keeps me from doing God’s work
Relational goo is not always bad, but sometimes it paralyses me
I will not lose my heart for God, my wife, and our children in the process of becoming more focused and courageous
The cost will NOT be my heart, Jesus nor my wife or family
The cost may be relationship, separation anxiety
But that cost is no cost at all, the real cost is in NOT doing what God tells me to do
Things are eventually better when you do what’s right in God’s eyes, although relationships may change
For example – My relationship with staff, with my wife and children are all changing this year. WOW!!
I am moving from adolescent goo, "I need you, you’re my mother and father, hold me, kiss me, love me", to passion, purpose, intentionality and CORE
I will always need those things, but I'm becoming more aware of their negative effects and where they came from (see Nicaragua childhood)
MY CORE IS – The Gospel, God’s Glory, Evangelism, Worship, the Arts, the Word, my wife and children, my family in Nicaragua
I want to lead our children from this CORE not from relational goo
I want to lead with vision and purpose, not relational goo
Goo and relationship sustain vision not the other way around, Vision is 1st.
Vision comes from sitting on the porch with God late at night, talking, listening to His voice
I am coming out of the Super-hero eggshell
Inside of me, there is a Super-Hero
I am making better choices these days
This is a season of SWINGING BRIDGES for our church and my personal life
In other words, I haven't landed, we're on the bridge, it's swinging back and forth, it's uncertain, but we're in it together and it's taking us to the other side, to the landing
I am looking for the landing
I am getting ready to land
This BRIDGE may last 1-2 years
The landing will be my life for the next 10-20 years
I am learning to be more courageous and take the risk to be TRUE to God's call on my life
Yet, that process requires more FALLING APART, in other words, being true to my pain, aches, sadness, hurt
But that hurt leads me somewhere, it’s not the end
I’m discovering my heart for evangelism once again, for postmoderns in LB
My wife and I are doing 40 Days of Discovery – ends Sun June 4th, 2006, to discover God and His will for our lives
During my wife’s recent illness - I became the GLADIATOR, I had been the poet and priest but I became the hairy chest, sword in hand, come on I’ll lead us through the mud babe, machete in hand kind of guy
I became EL ZORRO!
I am great at being a priest and poet
I do that well and it's very important, like Job, and Moses and David
But they were also GLADIATORS, I am becoming both
My challenge is to not hang on to the past but to lead forward
My challenge is to lead versus hanging on to relational goo and shrink back
My opportunity is to lead with passion, love and clarity
The future is NOT clear, the future is God and His vision
I don’t know the future as a futurist as in man-centered future.
My future is prayer, faith, vision from God, from listening to His heart, from the burden in my heart, like Nehemiah, like Paul, like Solomon asking for wisdom
This is like adding a second story to my house which we did 2 years ago.
I have to strengthen the exisiting foundation and add parts of a new one
So I can build up and grow up
It's expensive, dirty, lengthy, a huge mess!
But now we have a 2-story house
It was all worth it
We use it to live life and share it with others
And my holiness has to increase
My wording while leading has to go up
My language has to go up
My schedule focus has to go up
My love has to go up
My prayer dependency has to go up
My budget
My down time
My vacation
My annual planning
My rest and fun
My exercise and eating well
My speaking out against sin, selfishness
My education and training has to increase
My simplicity has to increase
My musical skills have to increase
My relationships have to increase
My asking for help has to go up
My being honest about my weaknesses has to increase
My reading has to increase
My time with Rachelle has to increase
Jesus has to increase
Jesus
Jesus
Jesus has to increase
Jesus has to go up
Holy Spirit has to increase
Father has to increase
More of Jesus
Less of me
That makes sense now...I get it!
Some things have to GO
Wasting time may have to go
Sitting around on the computer may have to go
Emotional overload may have to go
Sin has to go
Out of control schedule has to go
For the sake of growing up and becoming more mature in Christ
For the sake of my wife
For the sake of our children, 7, 4 and 2
For the sake of my joy
For the sake of the harvest and the Kingdom of God until I die or He returns
What about you? What's your goo and egg shell? What's the super hero inside of you look like? What has to increase, what has to go?
Have a great day.
Into the future,
davidT
