Over the last few weeks, I've been blogging through the transition from a full time church job (safety, security) into a life of mission and trust.
Last week I met with my spiritual director and she told me that Giving Up Anxiety for Lent has to go from my Head to Experience. Well it's happening.
But in spite of all that, we feel peace in our lives, like the plane is no longer in a holding pattern, nor is it in the middle of turbulence, but has landed and is resting in the runway awaiting instructions.
1st Anxiety Killer: Basketball and War
My spiritual director had me think of times when I realized I was in God's lap, like a grandchild or a son jumping in his mother's lap and feeling secure.
I thought of two, when I play basketball with our 7 year old son and see that smile on his face he feels safe with me. Second, when I was 10 years old in Nicaragua, during the worst of the war, we had to sleep on the floor due to bullets and heavy fighting at night yet I felt safe. This is the way God cares for me.
2nd Anxiety Killer: Strep Throat
Yesterday I got strep throat, my throat is still killing me as I type this although it's getting better. Being in bed for two straight days, unable to do much (dishes, laundry, make dinner, sleep) helped me realize I can't make anything happen. I can't make a move to CA happen or a sweet job in CO a reality even though I try. Like with strep, there are times that you have to wait things out even if you're in pain.
3rd Anxiety Killer: My Doctor's Office
So while at my doctor's office for strep throat (I hate that long Q-tip they stick in your mouth till you gag) I heard God speak through my doctor. He asked me how our children were doing with our transition. He told me how his parents were missionaries and that even though it was tough to live paycheck to paycheck, he feels the rewards were greater. He learned the value of trusting God, of helping people, of seeing God provide every month. I felt God was telling me that he would do the same for us.
4th Anxiety Killer: King Sooper's, Drums and Costco
Over the last four weeks we've had random emails from people we hardly know saying "we want to help". Some have sent us King Sooper's gift cards, others have said "can you give me voice lessons?" We also sold an old drum set and returned some stuff at Costco which helped us get through last month. All these small gestures and provisions have helped us realize that God is with us.
So we continue on this missional downward move towards faith and Kingdom living. We still don't have many answers, in fact, we have just as many questions as before.
But my commitment to Giving Up Anxiety for Lent is alive and well. These four Anxiety Killers have moved this commitment from my head to my heart. Will I struggle again? Yes, will I be tempted to fear and worry again? Of course. But these experiences remind me that God is with us and that he will provide the peace and serenity we need when we need it most.
What are your hangups to trust? What are you Anxiety Killers?
Thoughts?
