Moving Blog to Tumblr

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I'm moving to Tumblr. I will no longer be blogging here. I will now blogging here.  Please go there and follow me. No big reason, just trying something different.

Thanks.

Now get over there!

davidT

Another Lesson on Love

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For the past year I've been trying to find myself post leaving the traditional church. That process, now a year plus later, has been downright painful.

Once I got past the less money, no more rock star, no more easy, I got to the real issue which was my lack of love for others.

My friend Kathy Escobar from Denver, CO recently wrote a column on "why the word missional bugs her".  In it she says it's about love and how no one likes to be someone's "mission". I agree.

In my current context, I'm surrounded by people on the margins, people who can't give me what I want, people who instead of being someone's mission want to belong, be respected, to have a place at the table. All these things are directly opposite to things I love - power, control, fame, glory. 

I'm not trying to be altruistic, or to say I'm Mother Teresa or Jesus in the way that I love. In fact, I'm the opposite. But what I do know is that my current context is challenging and teaching me to rethink what missional really means. It deals with love.

Love is the Point

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For the past year I've been trying to figure out what the point was. Was it to start something new, to get rich, to get more education, to go up the ladder, down the ladder, build a ladder. It's been confusing.

The last few weeks, after a lot of ups and downs, I hear a voice saying "It's about love". I may still want all the other things, to accomplish, to get there, to reach a destination. I still love goals and visions.

But what's new is nothing new at all. God is calling me to open my heart wider, to love more deeply, to  invest into people's lives.

Maybe it's that young man who needs help moving this week. Maybe it's setting up that English class, perhaps it's being willing to help when I feel overwhelmed or unsure of myself.

Love is an Action and I need to act better. Help me God.

A Project I Think I Want to Do

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I think I need to take the lead on a project at work. Although it has the potential to be a dud, based on the past, and I'm not excited about the event myself, I think I can learn a lot and make it successful. Or I can fail.

But that's okay and in fact, that's a good thing.

I'm 90% sure I will take this on, just need to recruit a team (already started) and go with it. I'll let you know what I decide to do.

Thanks for reading,

Trig

I'll Try to Be Like That Guy

I'm gonna try to be like that guy. He blogs and is very good at it. He uses big titles and numbers everything, maybe that's what I'll do. So here we go:

1. Today, I parked in a No Parking Zone. The funny thing is that the sign said "Parking Cafe". I was confused

2. I Was Mean to the Cook. Today, I was mean to the guy who cooks food in the basement. He makes some yummy food, it smells really good. But today I was mean to him. Not sure why. I was trying to be mean to him but I'm not sure it worked. Instead, I was hungry.

3. Dave Who? The guy next to me on the train kept calling someone he thought should know him. He left him 2-3 voice mails, or maybe it was 2-3 different people, I'm not sure. What was sad is he kept repeating his name to everyone "It's Dave, Dave Miller".

At first I thought maybe people were being rude forgeting their friend Dave, but later I thought, I wonder if these people don't know a Dave Miller and he's just acting like he knows them. Either way, I felt sorry for the guy.

---

I hope that worked for you. It didn't do much for me.

Thanks for reading,

Trig

People Get Old Beause They Go To Bed Early

I know I'm old because I go to bed early. That's how people get old, they go to bed at 8:30pm of 9 o' clock. I NEVER used to go to bed early, but now, the clock hits 8pm and I'm looking at my bed like it's cold beer and wings, can't wait! Now my wife is getting old too, she also goes to bed at 9pm. Well, I must admit, I sometimes go to bed at 9:30pm or o a wild night, 10pm. But my wife is asleep by then, usually on the couch next to me. She is so nice. I think the only way to stay young is just to out late at night. Like tonight, I wanted to go to Del Taco and get a burger and coke, forget the diet. But I was too tired to go! So I'm in bed instead thinking about going to sleep. I guess I'm old.

I Made It

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My Soul is officially in Spring. Glad to be here.

Whatever I Touch Turns to Gold and My PhD

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Whatever I touch turns to gold. Often in church circles, you are trained to focus on your weaknesses, or on serving in what the church allows/tells you to do.

But since leaving church about 9 months ago, I've felt a certain freedom to be me. Perhaps it's not the leaving of church but the leaving of my old self. Of what I was supposed to be, what my mentors, job, self told me I was to be. And most of that was limiting.

I'm not going to blast church as a structure. Although it mostly limits leaders, creative types, innovators, I'm mostly thankful for it.

Most of my reflections the last nine months, have been on my own growth, becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Wherever I go, I succeed.

I also make mistakes.

The same ones, but continue to grow and try to make less mistakes, to be less selfish, justice oriented, and other things. To say "everything I touch turns to gold" is not being arrogant or full of pride, it's acknowledging that this cracked vessel also has life that touches people's lives.

But everything I touch turns to gold, that is just how God made me. He made me to succeed, to love, to help people far from God, young and old.

I also love school and education. I've often thought of getting my PhD (I'm still finishing my Masters), but I've wondered if perhaps I jump into a PhD in Religious Studies or get a 2nd Masters in Public Administration.

The past nine months have been a time of a lot of change, change of location, careers, I've stressed, been anxious, lacked faith, been terrified, felt fearful, and more.

But I've learned to be strong, to fight, to be courageous, to hang onto God by the skin of my teeth, and He  has been faithful.

You can do the same if you believe.

Soul Care

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Every day feels long/
Every moment is the start of a song/
It's a call to be true/
It's a call to be true

Be true inside and out
Change the things in me that need out
I've never felt so naked
I've never felt so empty
I'm in need of you.
I'm in need of you.

All around me is uncertainty

What Does a Man Do?

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So what does a man do the day after Christmas?
1. You Tube his son (4) on drums
2. Laundry
3. R' to Target at 7am (me, home arbitrating new stuff and who gets it when)
4. Did I mention the drums, LOUD! In our Living Room! Can you say sound paneling?
5. Water backyard
6. Work day on Saturday, things seem to break (and not get fixed) during the holidays right?

Hope your Christmas was great. Probably one of the best moments was adopting a family on 7th and Lime Ave in the LBC. We brought over $500.00 of new toys, clothes, ham I baked myself, a Christmas tree and carols. 10 of our family members went to their one bedroom apartment, to visit Carinna, an immigrant single parent coming out of gangs and her 5 children ages 9 to 6 months. Her niece, teenager, is also staying with her during Christmas (here from Mexico). They both spoke of being abused as young girls by their parents and how they struggle forgiving them.

I spoke to them from John 6 of Jesus being the Bread of Life, of Him being our forgiveness, of the grace and mercy of our God. I told them that we hope the gifts would remind them of the love of God, that God knows exactly everything and yet loves them no matter what. She kept saying how tough it is to forgive. We can't even imagine. She had tears in her eyes.

We listened to them, loved them, prayed together, our children playing with theirs as one family. They spoke mostly Spanish, but the language didn't matter, we were there in the Spirit of God and love.

I learned so much that night, that even beyond "giving" to a family in need, that the message of forgiveness and grace is so important. The pain in Carinna's life is evident, and no church or pastor can heal her heart, only the grace of God can.

And those gifts in her house, now opened, her children playing, perhaps on to the next thing, represent to her more than stuff. They represent the grace of God and the forgiveness of God offered to her.

I don't think Carinna has yet experienced this forgiveness, but in a way she experienced it in those moments when we were one, our families in Christ, offering love and acceptance to each other. The rest is up to God.

Seeing With Your Eyes Closed

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They say you should always have a focus when you write. Well, I'm not sure I have a focus for this entry, but I guess if I did, it'd be blindness.

I'm not blind, nor going blind, but sometimes it feels like I can't see the road ahead.

There have been many great things in our lives lately - jobs, opportunities, amazing people. For example yesterday I was coming home from a meeting with the leadership of our church, and felt inspired, filled with dreams and possibilities, thankful because even though we're small, our dreams and hopes are huge.

But then I got home and have felt sick all day, headaches, tired, exhausted, just weary. I've been pushing pretty hard the last two months and I'm hitting a bit of a wall.

Sometimes I push for fear of not being accepted or liked. Other times it's just my personality, I'm a doer and an achiever and I don't like sitting still when important things need to get done. But the reality is that my tank is mostly filled by people, music, by meditating, resting and doing things I love such as being alone or playing music. That fuels me to do great things.

But blindness comes when I don't do those things. And when I lose my vision, it gets me down, it makes me focus on the hard things in life, versus how those hard things are actually a path towards something great.

But other times I see and it makes me glad. Again, after yesterday's leadership meeting, I came home filled with perspective, connecting things in my life, in awe of how God is weaving together things, guiding me, being with me amidst so much change.

Do you see the signs? Can you see things clearly right now? Are you able to see with your eyes closed?

Sickness is often a sign to slow down, to rest, to take time for yourself, all things I don't like to do. I also think that sickness can be a time to see things better. To realize how "fragile we are", that we "are but dust", to be loved by others, to not always give, but to receive. Again, all things I don't do very well.

Sometimes when I close me eyes, I see the reflection of the sun outside my window, I hear the sounds of our son playing Legos on the floor, I feel my body letting down, I hear my heart beating.

Not seeing is normally seen as a bad thing, after all, who would want to be blind for even an hour? But I thank God that during those times when my eyes are blind, the reflections, sounds and people around me remind me that to be blind can actually be a time to see things even more clearly.

New Blog Post: Everything Must Change, Starting With Me: Location

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This is going to be a series of posts on the topic: Everything Must Change, Starting With Me.

Today's focus: Location.

For the past three years, we've lived in Denver, CO (Arvada, CO to be exact, a suburb in the NW Denver metro area). Two weeks ago we moved back to Long Beach, CA the city where my grandmother raised me since about age 9.

We are here to start a simple faith community called Neighbors Abbey, a community of  neighbors committed to sacred space, inclusive community and city and global transformation.

We want to be involved in our community, schools, parks, education, city council, non-profits, social justice and immigration. We want to teach music and help children and youth reach their musical dreams.

People often ask us "are you going back to X, Y, Z?". Our quick answer is no, we're not going back, we're moving forward.

Forward but in reality it's also back. Back to the area near 7th and Cherry where I grew up, near Broadway and Junipero where my wife and I had our 1st apartment as a young married couple, to 7th and Obispo (near Redondo), where my grandmother and I went to church.

To the Safeway on 7th and Junipero that became a Pic N Save and is now a Big Lots. To 3rd and Junipero and Grace UMC the church I used to run by praying God would one day open a door.

Why? Simply, because God has called us back. Why did we leave Colorado? Didn't like it? It was great, loved the blue skies and open space, but again, we moved back because God called us to the area where I grew up. To Burbank Elementary (where my good friend Hugo and I used to play basketball), to Franklin Middle School and the 91 bus we used to take every day.

A friend recently called this a "Theology of Location", I think there's a lot of truth in that, but for me it's also a Theology of Abuelita. My abuelita (gradmother) raised me since I was a little boy and she brought us to Long Beach, to 8th and Raymond, into the duplex behind Francis and her husband "el antiguo" while her mother (original owners) lived in the house in front, an original California bungalow.

That same friend told me that at a recent conference he was challenged to call people to "stay in their cities for a life time until they see the Kingdom of God become tangible". He said, "that's what you're doing" and it's true. We're back in Long Beach for good, forever, for a life time. And not just anywhere in Long Beach, but in the area where I grew up, an area of high density, high diversity and great need. But also a place of hope and life.

People have all kinds of bad nick names for this area, the one I recently heard was the Gay Getto, I'm sure there are worst. For us, it's home, it's a combination of old Long Beach (people now in their 70's, 80's and 90's who still live in their homes and have survived the change), Latinos, Samoans, Philippinos, African Americans, and gay people. It's Belmont Heights, Rose Park, Carroll Park, District 1 and 2, it's where I grew up.

Earlier today, I was listening to Jay Bakker talk about Dr. MLK jr. and his decision to teach at Montgomery College instead of other White-only, non-segregated schools. Dr. King chose Montgomery because it was the getto of his time, a place where racial tension was high and others were afraid to go. It would have been easier for Mr. King to teach at a better, safer college to raise a family and live a good life. But he chose tension instead of ease.

In a way, although our circumstances today are nothing like Dr. King's (although immigrant and homosexual tensions seem like the racism of our day), we are doing the same. We are choosing tension instead of ease. We are choosing the place of "greatest devotion, versus the place of greatest opportunity".

We have friends back in CO who hear of our move back to CA and squint. They hear the stories of CA being near bankrupt, the ruin of its education system and it's horrible debt and budget shortfalls. We also hear that from people who are leaving CA to AZ, Texas and Colorado, and they badmouth the state for it's poor leadership, horrible debt and lack of control with its spending. We know, it's tough.

But with all that, we feel called back to CA and to East Long Beach, to 7th and Cherry, to 3rd and Junipero and Bixby Park. The area where campus ministries send their young missionaries to do "urban work". For us, it's more than urban work, it's home, it's where we are willing to be for the rest of our lives.

A few months ago on Easter Sunday, I was at my friend's church  in this area. While at his church, I went up to take communion. I had just come from my other friend's church, a church of 500+ filled with life, hope and many opportunities.

As I took communion, together with maybe 50 other people, I thought, "what a difference, one place is hopping with people, this one, not so much". But as I took the bread and the cup, the very essence of the body and blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, I heard a voice say to me "Trig, if I'm willing to give my life for you, will you not do the same for this church?" I remember telling God, "yes Lord, I am."

And so it has begun.

We still don't have a place to live, still don't have jobs, we're still making things work one day at a time. But one thing is clear, we are home. Yes home to family, and home to the ocean and SoCal lifestyle. But more than that, we are back to where God has called us to be, to Long Beach, CA, to a Theology of Location and Abuelita, to the city of my youth and to some degree of my ancestors (via Managua, Nicaragua).

And although the path is not yet clear, we are confident that we have finally found our tribe, our people and we know soon enough we will find the rhythms of God, with all it's ups and downs. We look forward to that.

 Thoughts?

I'm Retiring

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The other day a friend of mine said I was retiring. I guess I am, I am retiring from church as I've known it. I didn't say I'm retiring from God, in fact, I will forever love the ways of God and people not connected to God, but I'm retiring from my previous role.

Maybe I'm like a character in a play. He is no longer Character #1, he's now Character #2, but really it goes beyond that. I'm not another character in the same play, or am I? Is the play the work of God or is it life? Is the play a job, a company or church, or is that just a portion of the play?

Either way, change is here. I am changing. Does a doctor change? Does she become a different kind of doctor? Paging Dr. Ross. Or are doctors always the same? Police officers? Nurses? Teachers?

We're all changing. A mother changes, a coach changes, children are certainly changing. Politicians? Yeah, they change too often! Change is inevitable (Who moved my Cheese?).

It's all a mystery to me, after all, how do you retire? Traditionally when people retire, it means they no longer do what they used to do. So in a way, I am retiring, I no longer want to do what I've been doing.

But never say never right? I have a passion for people, for music, for the things of the spirit, I always have and I always will. My uniqueness is being in relationship with people not in traditional church, that's always been my uptake.

I'm retiring, but I'm not sure what from and what into. I'm moving on, I'm changing hats, there is no doubt change has happened. I no longer imagine myself doing what I've been doing for the past 10 years.

But how much change is there really? I still like rice better than pasta, I still sleep on the right side of the bed not the left and I still don't like jazz. A lot of me remains the same, in fact, some would say I'm becoming stubborn in "my old age".

But whatever you call this, retiring, moving on, changing, evolving, pause and reset, something is happening. A season and chapter in my life (a long chapter) has ended, and a new one in starting.

(Btw, I've never really liked "chapter" analogies, I don't relate well to books and chapters. I like more the idea of evolution or metamorphosis, like a butterfly. Just don't call me one!)

Will I fail at this new chapter of my life? Maybe. Will I want to return to my previous role? I might be tempted to, but I doubt it.

It's Been A Struggle Just to Get This Far and There's Still a Long Way to Go But We're Making Progress

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The previous post was all the good stuff, the wonderful ideas, the great plans. But getting this far has been a struggle and there's still a long way to go.

Where will we live? Jobs? Housing? etc...

But through this process, we've been led by a few truths that have not only challenged and tested us, but have really begun to change the way "we do business". This is what's most exciting to me.

1. Which voice am I listening to?

My own voice often tells me "Danger, Danger! Go Back!" I'm addicted to comfort and security, if it was up to me, I'd never go anywhere, change anything, I would be the type to work at Ford Co. for 50 years back when that was possible, even if I hated it. But I'm beginning to trust the voice of God inside of me (thank you Oprah) and to realize that's the voice I need to listen to the most, even if that voice makes no practical sense whatsoever!

2. I need to grow and change.

I need to grow in grace, in forgiveness, there are people I have yet to forgive for past hurts, I need to figure that out someday. There are things in my character that are off when it comes to forgiveness and resentment. Just today, I bit off a friend's head even though he was just stopping by to say hello.

3. Fear v Love

Much of my adult life, I've lived out of Fear not Love. Why? Many reasons, childhood stuff, life as an immigrant, growing up without my parents, but really it's just who I am. I began the process of being led by Love not Fear a few months ago, being led by the things that I'm passionate about, that really drive me, regardless of money, success or opinion.

In my gut I believe I was created to be a:
a. Musician
b. Pastor

4. Letting Go of My Control and Security

Wow, this is a rough one. I struggle with it every day but I'm finally in the game. It used to be that I would succumb to fear every time, giving up on my dreams to change the world for Jesus due to fear. But now I'm trying to let go of control every day.

House for Sale. Sell right away? Nope, it took 6-7 weeks. Did we get good money for it? Hah! Are we going to CA to sweet paying jobs and security and safety? No, we have none of those things.

I am an idol worshipper. I worship the idol of security and safety. Just like Israel built a golden pig as a god because waiting on Moses' God "took too long", I too have made an idol of a job, a house, a comfortable life and always knowing what I was going to do next.

All those are now gone, gone. I know nothing. And whereas the first few months I fought it like a mad, the more I surrender, the stronger I get. God wants to be my only God, "you shall have no other gods before me", not security, not a job, not safety, but God himself. Tough.

5. Letting Go of our children.
I've had to let God be the God of our children, and even though I'd do anything for them, I'm being challenged every day to trust them to God. I love them, care for them, can't live without them, but I also need to realize that they are God's children first then ours. And that one day they will leave and will have to follow God themselves. Again, tough.

6. One with my wife.
I don't know how it happened, but I've never felt more united with my wife than the last three months. Just today we were sitting on the porch talking as a strong June CO rain hit. We talked for 30-40 mns, being one, it was almost like we were listening to the same song, humming the same melody, the lyrics, the high and low parts together, it was amazing.

7. Fearlessness
I'm trying to stop being such a chicken and instead confront my fears, be free, be led by love. And when I reach my end (like this morning in the garage), to call out to God. And even though I heard nothing, I took a nap, felt stronger and kept going.

That's being fearless.

Fearlessness is also looking for donors for our music company, it's admitting when I'm wrong, it's challenging the system, it's speaking up for my dreams, it's explaining myself better, it's packing, it's calling people to help us move.

It's been a struggle to get this far and there's still a long way to go, but what's exciting is that I'm becoming the Fearless person I'm meant to be.

Our Next Steps

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Well, we're moving back to Long Beach, CA next week. We've lived here in Denver, CO for three years and although it's been good, we feel we're supposed to be in CA.

Our theology of location says Long Beach, CA. It's the city where I grew up and much of our ministry lives have been spent. The city continues (as many others) to grow both in need and in opportunities. Most of all, we have many connections there and God is leading us back. We also love our families and are thankful to be close to them again.

We have no jobs, no long term place to stay, we have some options, but nothing solid. Teaching jobs (my wife teaches) are non-existent and for me, I'm not sure where I'll work or when. Home Depot? Outreach director? Engineering? Not a clue...

My passions are two:
1. Start our own church which we will call a Neighbors Abbey, which will be committed to neighborhood development, formation and simple community
2. Music - to play my own music around town, form a band and keep recording. I also love mentoring young artists. We've thought about opening a music production business similar to this one and this one somewhere in downtown Long Beach for children and youth not just inner city but for all youth.

My wife's passion is teaching and to do outreach to the children during after school programs. We are a great team, and we value the same things from different angles but ending in the same place. Did I mention we are a great team and madly in love with each other? Our children will attend a dual language school in Long Beach. Canela (12) wants to study writing at UCLA and be an author.

My ideal job would be to do outreach at a small local faith community, serve neighborhood schools, the poor, the immigrant, while developing relationships with people not connected to God and eventually developing a simple faith community around them called Neighbors Abbey.

There are many faith communities with this vision in mind, including the original Neighbors Abbey in Atlanta with my friend Troy. See more of Troy's work here.

My wife would love to teach 1st-5th grade in a neighborhood school near where we live, where she can teach inner city children and help them through after school programs both academically and spiritually.

We want to live in the neighborhood where we will serve.

All of these things, we've been doing and preparing for intentionally for the past 3 years and in many ways for the past 10.

Want to join us?

New Blog Post: My Addiction to Comfort and Security and How I'm Beating It

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Addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, etc are common, but being addicted to comfort and security is not something talked about much.

Hello, my name is David Trig and I am addicted to comfort and security, but I'm trying to beat it.

How can you be addicted to comfort and security? Am I rich, spoiled, did I win the lottery or inherit a bunch of money? Do I live in Beverly Hills or am I used to Cadillacs and Bentleys? Hardly. I come from very humble if not poor beginnings.

The thing about the addiction to comfort and security are two things:
1. It has nothing to do with how much money you actually have
2. It's widely accepted in our society as "taking care of your family" or "moving up in the world"

There are people not addicted to comfort and safety that will read this post and think "how can you be addicted to money if you don't have any?"

First, I'm not addicted to money, I'm addicted to safety and comfort. That's the illusion that if you have enough around you, whether it's a job, money, space, Cheerios boxes, orange juice, you will be okay, if you don't, you wont' be.

Second, it's an illusion that you work very hard to maintain. I know better than to think I can control my life, the things I have, or how long I will live. But for the addict, you think you can control these things by working hard, stressing, being anxious or worst yet, not taking any risks.

Third, you don't take any risks. You can call it being faithless, chicken, fearful, but at the heart of it is a fear of financial, personal or emotional bankruptcy.

Addicts of Safety and Comfort often live frustrated lives. They are people who trade in their dreams and aspirations for the sake of safety and control. It's the opposite of being fearless, it's giving into your worse fears for the sake of being safe.

What has helped me deal with this addiction and begin to beat it?

1. Focus on Love not Fear. "Perfect love casts out all fear", instead of thinking catastrophically about all the bad things that can happen, the what if's, try to focus on what you Love, your passions, even if they will make you no money or bring you security
2. Tell yourself a mantra, a saying or truth that helps during those times of Fear and Anxiety. Mine is "I am not my fears, I am bigger than that." For others it could be "Cease striving and know that I am God"
3. Seek encouraging people and avoid negative ones
4. Don't read economic updates, they're often depressing
5. Read the Scriptures, I read the Psalms daily
6. Start a Gratitude Journal

Beating comfort and security is not easy, similar to a person beating any addiction it takes guidance, coaching and patience. You also need to want to change. For a long time I had no desire to change and instead I lived a life of fear and visionary compromise.

I don't want to be addicted to comfort and security, instead I want to live for my passions - music and helping people find God. I've actually taken the first few steps towards that in leaving the security of the contemporary church towards a bivocational, simpler style of church we call Neighbors Abbey.

Can You Speak Louder Please, I Can't Hear You!

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I'm here in my garage blogging, sitting on a stool, listening to "Politik" by Coldplay (I'm on a Coldplay kick FYI, great band!) This feels more like a random post than a specific one so hang on.

I've been blogging through the transition from traditional church to a simpler model of faith and mission we call Neighbors Abbey.

The other day, our children asked me "Papi, why don't you just get another job at a church playing music?" It was great to explain to them that our focus has changed, that although God uses all kinds of churches, we believe it's time for us to focus on something simpler, smaller, more manageable inside and out, where we can serve our neighbors together, love one another deeply and have a deep sense of spiritual formation.

How are we doing? We're being challenged left and right in our areas of weakness and stress, but we hear the voice of our Good God gently guiding us.

"Can you speak louder please! And while you're at it, can you actually do something!"

Ooops, that was my inner voice speaking...

The reality is we live in the tension of the two, at times we feel lost, not in our vision or decision to leave traditional church and move towards a simpler lifestyle, but in the lack of tangible results - financially, jobs, someone buying our house, etc.

It's been a battle.

But we hear the voice of God guiding us, in fact, we've never felt more sure that we are to move back to SoCal inspite of the economic challenges. We feel confident that our time here in Colorado has come to an end, and although we remain surrendered to God, we hear his voice guiding us back.

Into what? A sweet paying job? A raise, a bigger house? Not even close. For those, it would be better to stay here in CO where are there are more financial opportunities. But as my spiritual director recently told me "We follow God into the place of greatest surrender (Spanish - entrega), not the greatest possibilities". Bummer. But God keeps saying to me "Don't look for riches on earth, look to me, invest in my Kingdom and I will supply your every need."

That's tough to hear, but it's what we're doing, trusting God for our future, moving in obedience, coming together as a family, as a couple just about every hour, to pray, confess our weaknesses to each other, our earthly and fleshly desires to be safe, seek comfort, seek the past and to not chicken shit out.

But we persevere, because God is in this thing.

On the other side, I have visions of God moving in huge ways through us, I can see it. But beyond the work, the production, the doing, I have visions (ok, nightmares), of what kind of person God is making me out to be.

God wants me to be like Jesus.

God wants me to be less controlling, more simple, less angry, more gentle in spirit, less dependent on a salary, income, safety and security. On the plus side, he wants me to be more courageous, more fearless. That's the David I want to be, not the one who chickens out of challenges, or gives into anxiety and fear, but the one God has named "FEARLESS", that's my new name btw, Fearless Trig. I like it.

I love music, I love people, I am a feeler and an achiever, I have a passion for Jesus and love people far from the Kingdom and want to help them find faith once again or for the very first time.

My wife and I are committed to this, her and I are one in our mission, even though we're currently being challenged left and right - sickness, house not selling, financially, patience, waiting, fear, you name it. But every morning we get up and the first thing we do is spend an hour each day praying, encouraging each other, comforting one another, seeking God together, crying out to Him as one.

And our children are watching, the good and the bad, but we'd want it no other way. For the first time in my 42 years and in our 16 years of marriage and 12 years of having our children, I am actually leading them to Jesus myself, not letting Kidz Church do it for me. It's not that I haven't been praying for them, tucking them in at night and reading them books, I've done that since they were born, but this is deeper, different, it's more direct. I love it even though it's hard.

Our children get to see me struggle but they also get to see me seek God, find my strength in God, they see us serving our neighbors, in fact they themselves are doing it, talking to their friends about faith in God, about Jesus, about our Neighbors Abbey.

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The other day, Isabela our 9 year old was on our front yard with her little friend from across the street, they were playing with water balloons. I don't know how it all started, but they were suddenly talking about church and being a follower of God.

Isabela said to her friend, "going to church doesn't make you a Christian, like my tape says, does being in a garage make you into a car?" Her friend said "no". "It's about having God in your life, it's not about going to church."

WOW!

We all pitched in, and explained a bit of what it means to be loved by God, but the work had been done. Isabela did a perfect job, in a way her friend could understand, of what it means to be follow God.

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The other day a neighbor wrote me this email, our relationship has been our neighborhood, not church, not women's ministry, but instead it's been the Kingdom of God in daily things.

hey David,
Do you know if the Garage Sales are going on today and this weekend?  I haven't seen any signs.
I am sorry to see your house up for sale but hope you are able to move forward in the direction you would like.  You have done a great job of pulling the neighborhood together.

It's Isabela's story and emails like this that keep us going on this missionary journey. When we feel worried or tired of waiting for the house to sell, for jobs, etc. God leads us with his gentle voice, through the scriptures, in worship songs, sensations, dreams, intuitions, words from our children, our friends, calls, emails, a $20 gift card in the mail, etc.

John 10 has led us through this time of waiting, it says that God leads his own:

When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” 

If you are wondering whether you're doing the right thing in your passion to serve the King, be it through a hot dog stand, your job as a teacher or doctor, as a mother or father, may our story encourage you to not give up and to listen for the Good Voice.

His voice is all we need.

Don't listen to the liar, the thief, your enemies, listen to God's voice, to that strong but gentle sound leading us towards His will, to his purposes for our lives.

If we fail to listen, we will suffer and endure the consequences, but in his grace, he will bring us back to that place once again and give us another chance.

Let's listen this time!

How Do You Speak of the Past?

Welcome back. You belong here.

I've been blogging through the process of leaving the traditional church to start an organic, simple, neighborhood faith community called Neighbors Abbey. See more here and here.

I have a friend, who I've actually never spoken to who is here in Denver, that went through her own process of going from big to small, upward to downward. Her process (it's been 7+ years, mine 3 months) has been inspiring. Read more on her here and while  you're at it (all 5 of you who read this blog), buy her book, it should be awesome.

I've been unsure of how to write what may seem negative stuff about what I've been through in traditional, contemporary churches for almost 20 years. Why?

First, because I'm a nice person. Not that my friend isn't, but I'm sometimes too nice on the outside, while I brew on the inside. I don't always have the guts to tell it like it is. My wife is good at that. Btw, I don't believe that to be like Jesus, you have to be silent, in fact, the opposite is often true.

Second, I'm not perfect. The process of being in the contemporary church has been hard, but I've made mistakes too, so I'm not always sure how to navigate that.

Third, what will others think? A friend recently posted with regards to the whole Harold Camping Judgement Day (not), that perhaps our fixation with hell and judgement is a Sunday school left over. I feel like God, or my family or friends will disown me if I say what I think.

Lastly, it might be too soon. As I said earlier, it's only been 3 months, we have yet to go public with our new adventure, this Neighbors Abbey, maybe I feel like I need to be successful before I talk about my past. Silly.

So, no, I'm not going to write about this quite yet, I'm not ready, not in this public way at least. I have written of it in private, in my notepad, in the private cloud. I have even sent it to a few closed friends. I have no idea how they felt about it, but even that, was not the full story, this process will take a lifetime.

Some people ask my friend, "why don't you move on? why keep talking about the bad things and being so angry?" Her answer is right on (read it here). She says that the best answer to that question is the "practice of the better".  I think she's right on.

Even though we have yet to go public with Neighbors Abbey (right now it's just my family and I), we have started the practice of the better. And right now, that's the best place for me to be.

In time, I will write about the ups and down of the contemporary church and the path that led my family and I here. I know that like with my friend, when I do, it will help a lot of people.

Thoughts?

Church Planting as Faith

Welcome back. You belong here.

I've been blogging through our journey from traditional church into an organic, city transformation type of faith community.

A question I often get asked is "what are you doing?" The quick answer is: Looking for work, the real answer is: Challenged to Grow in Faith.

The reality is that the past 2-3 months, our faith has been challenged.

Waiting is rough. Not having jobs, getting no's, trying to hear God, finances, insurance, working through the stress, it's all been exhausting. Both Rachelle and I are realizing that the work of church planting starts and ends with God. The minute we put our eyes on ourselves, things fall apart, but when we focus on God we find peace.

We've also been touched by the simple graces all around us - our friends, our children, people praying for us, our family, and nests. Nests? Yeap, nests...

The other day we went outside and noticed a nest in one of our flower pots (see picture). There are two eggs in the nest, the mom lays on the eggs while the dad brings food and protects the nest. It's been very windy here lately, so we've been concerned for the well being of the nest, but we realize we can't do much about the wind.

Both Rachelle and I have been very touched by the nest and the eggs. First, it's wonderful to see little birds come to life a few feet away from our front door, we see it as a beautiful gift among many trials. But most of all, it's a reminder of what God is doing in us.

The wind is strong, we sometimes feel fragile in the nest, we know it's time to grow but at times we feel worried. Will we make it? Will we survive?

God keeps telling us "Yes, you will survive, just as I'm with those little birds, even when it's windy and it looks rough, I am with you." That gives us a lot of strength.

I hope you too can take heart in this process. If you're in a place of waiting and you don't quite see how it's all going to work out, realize that God is with you and that your faith is being challenged for good, it's part of the necessary growth.

We accept the fact that these challenges of faith are preparation for this new life of service and mission. May God give us all the peace and strength to weather the storms in our lives.

Thoughts?

Where do Songs Come From?

Welcome back. You belong here.

I'm no Paul McCartney but I'm a songwriter.

I've been writing songs since I was about 17. I remember writing my first song during a boring class in high school (probably Algebra) which I promptly named "I Don't Know What to Write About." Since then I've written over 100 songs, some of them here and here.

The other day, Isabela our 9 year old asked me "Papi, how do you write songs?" Her question got me thinking not only about the process of songwriting, on a guitar, on a piano, lyrics first, melody first, etc but on the source of songwriting.

So where do songs come from?

I often wonder if bands like Switchfoot or Coldplay (bands I admire for their songwriting) worry they will one day run out of songs and will be dropped by their labels. I wonder if one day Chris Martin will get up and nothing pops into his head. No songs about love, life, loss, wonder, love, love and love.

I wonder if I will one day run out of songs.

But then I realize that's the answer right there. As long as there is love on this earth, and more importantly as long as there are feelers in this world who feel, there will be songs.

This morning I woke up feeling, thinking, processing, crying. No, I didn't write a song, but every time I get these feelings I realize a song is being born.

It's a real gift. Not that I'm a gifted or talented song writer (I'm pretty good), but the gift is to feel, to be alive, to be able to process information and life in an artistic way, whether through painting, writing, music, design, speaking, etc.

I remember one time sitting at a coffee shop with a friend talking about our "talents" (pretty short conversation I tell you!). I told my friend how basically jealous I was of him, a USC grad, his dad a successful banker, he was a young church planter starting churches in downtown Long Beach. I was doing nothing as cool. All I was doing was playing music.

I remember telling him "Music is not a gift, what you're doing is a real gift. I wish I was doing what you're doing" He turned to me in a very serious way and told me "Trig, I wish I could play music. What you have is an amazing gift that God's given you that you should feel lucky to have." I still didn't believe him but now, years later I can say that my friend was right.

Music is a gift.

Life is a gift, music is a gift and for those of us who view life in melodies and colors, life is music and that is a pretty good deal. I hope to write many more songs in the years to come. I think I will.

Thoughts?