Welcome back. You belong here.
One way to bring the noise down in my life is to leave my cell phone on vibrate. I hardly miss any calls (unless I'm busy) because I usually keep the phone in my pocket. Not having the noise around works for me, it's one less thing screaming out, "Get to me! Get to me!"
btw, have you noticed how much louder and obnoxious 'ring tones' are getting? Wow, it's like having a concert around all day long. Now be honest, how many of you have such little demonic ring tones? I admit, I have one of a song I wrote.
Ah, silence.
Feel that? You should try it.
Into the future,
davidT
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
New Workout Routine
Welcome back. You are welcomed here.
I'm into weightraining, I've been into it for almost 2 years now. I also follow an eating plan, six meals a day, no fats, no sugars, protein drinks, lots of chicken, tuna, vegetables, and a ton of water. I lift 4x a week and run 3x/week, abs every day. I rest 1x or 2x/week.
If you want to get started, I can help.
Part of muscle growth includes diversifying your routine. Muscles get used to anything after enough time, so you have to keep them guessing. You really should switch up every 3-4 months.
For the last year, I've been doing the Arnold's Body Building Level 1 Program (Arnold is in the middle, holding a towel in the picture). I'll go back to that someday, perhaps in the Winter. But it's time for a change.
So, the last 3-4 weeks, I've been following Dave Draper's Program (the Blond Bomber is on the left in the picture), which is a Day 1, Day 2 program and you alternate the two routines. It's higher rep, different exercises than Arnold's program, a bit longer (65-70mns) versus Arnold's which was 50-55mns, but it's fun, different and most of all stimulating.
The results? I'm no Arnold that's for sure, I'm all natural, he was on steroids as was Draper. But I've noticed more muscle density in my arms the last few weeks. I took pictures last week and they weren't bad. We'll see what happens the rest of the Fall.
Into the future,
davidT
Sunday, August 28, 2005
America's Black Forum, My Pink Slip?
Welcome back. You belong here.
If your vision is for a year, plant wheat.
If your vision is for ten years, plant trees.
If your vision is for a lifetime, plant people.
CHINESE PROVERB
That proverb pumps me up, I'm committed to planting people. But what color of people?
Today, on America's Black Forum, one of the guests said to Julian Bond and other black leaders that they were fired! That he was giving them a pink slip for not having mentored young black leaders over the last 25 years. That it was their fault they knew little of Dr. King, didn't volunteer, weren't in church, etc. Ouch.
I am currently mentoring anywhere between 10-15 young leaders in different areas at different levels. How many of these Young Leaders are Latino or African American, Asian, etc? 2 Latinos, 1 African American, 3 Asian Americans. This is a great start, but more has to be done. How many Latino, African American, Asian leaders go to my church or am I in relationship with? The ratios are about right.
Would I get a pink slip too?
I don't want to get a pink slip for not having mentored young Latino men and women as well as other minority leaders. The problem is that most of the people in my church are White. So the percentages are about right for my context.
So should I say, "I want to mentor Latino leaders at my church"? That may come across as narrow to my mostly White church. And here's the rub, most of the young non-White leaders in my church, see themselves as, should I say it, White. Most of our non-White young leaders are seeking to fit in, to assimilate to the majority White culture, not the other way around.
I recently spoke to a young Latino leader, an educator, professional musician, leader, ambitious, but lacking in male role models. He doesn't see himself as a young Latino leader, just simply as a young professional.
My opinion, is that this is part of the 'coming out' process I went through.
Stage 1: Assimilate totally to the majority culture
Stage 2: Assimilate partially to the majority culture
Stage 3: Identify with my own culture
Stage 4: Bring my culture into the majority culture and make the world a better place
I read a version of these stages in a book a while back.
Now some would say, in Christ there is no Black nor White, which I never get. I don't even know that Heaven is void of culture, there's a lot of tribe, tongue, culture, nations language in Revelation. But here on earth, culture is real, and it is something to share and learn to deal with. Otherwise we'll just Crash into each other as the movie claims and end up making really bad choices.
So back to mentoring minority leaders, I need to put myself in contexts where these young men and women are. Whether at my church, or at the church plants of some of my pastor friends. And I hope they want this connection.
So what wisdom do you guys have? How do I bring culture into the conversation with non-White leaders? I can think of a few friends that connect with their culture, but realistically, most of them leave our church after a while. They don't feel they fit in. That's part of why I'm there.
Maybe today's church visit inspired me. Today my wife, children and I went to the Dream Center with Matthew Barnett in downtown Los Angeles at Angelus Temple. Large, amazing, diverse. Pastor, as they call Matthew Barnett their senior pastor, taught on kindness from Eph. 4:32, very convicting. The band was large, concert level, like Leno, Letterman, Hillsongs, Lakewood, an incredible remodel of that old building. They were amazing. Somewhat me-centered worship, help me, love me, I give you me, etc. not enough You are Good, You are Holy, You are Faithful. But if I was to do downtown Long Beach, that's a great model of gospel, worship, "Hope for the Homeless", "Adopt a Block", entrepreneural vibe, new this, new that, new cafe business opening up this week. And what touched me the most was the diversity of people, poor and rich, actors and homeless.
The sad thing is that some in my context would say, don't develop young leaders around culture, just develop leaders. I'm doing that, but I'm not seeing non-White leaders developed. I am seeing leaders developed, but I hurt for the lack of mentorship among my Latino, African American, Asian and other friends. Something has to change. After all, I don't want to get that pink slip.
Into the future,
davidT
Saturday, August 27, 2005
What Lies Ahead, a New Kind of Church System
Welcome back. You belong here.
In Long Beach, CA (as in any urban center) we have issues related to church growth:
1. Buildings
2. Parking
3. Budget
4. Pluralism
5. Racial and Economic Diversity
ALONG SIDE OF THAT YOU STILL HAVE, as far as I can tell, an old system of churches doing their own thing with lack of trust, competition and fear across denominational and cultural lines. Black churches do their thing, Whites, Hispanics, Cambodian, etc.
Of course, many of these non-White churches exist by meeting in the 'fellowship halls' of aging, near-dead traditional churches, as well as growing White churches, which by the way are also a mission field (we need to help aging White congregations, not just rip off their buildings and space). The relationship between these groups can be anywhere from amiable, to competitive, and in some cases even dysfunctional. I've seen this first hand.
THEN WE HAVE LONG BEACH CHURCH PLANTING. Long Beach is hot for church planters and God is using them, in fact, more church plants are needed in Long Beach, more good church plants at least. All the ones I've interacted with are great church plants, led by great men and teams. But they also deal with the same issues of space, budget, leadership development, getting flyers and invites out to Area 1, Area 2 trying to reach people with the Message of Jesus Christ.
Emergent is relatively new in Long Beach but there's a pulse mostly among these new church plants. If Emergent is missional, communal, relational, justice and mercy oriented, if Emergent is artistic, contemplative and honest, most of these new church plants have it.
But the problem is that for the most part, whether new or old, traditional, contemporary or emergent, most of our Long Beach churches still do their own thing. There are efforts such as Kingdom Causes that are trying to bring pastors together to pray and to allow for relationship, but more needs to be done.
WHAT I AM RECOMMENDING IS ALONG the lines of a united staff to lead multiple churches. A sharing of power, a non-traditional approach to leadership with four or five pastors together leading, shepherding, evangelizing and developing leaders for multiple churches together in community. Messy? Yes, but God can do the impossible and we need it.
The larger churches can do this by having two or three of their staff, say in my case, commit to developing the Arts in 4-5 churches for 6 months to a year. In the course of that time, my job would be to develop artistic leadership by modeling the values of worship, a devotional life, intimacy, community and transformation among artist, stuff that I believe in and have done in our own church. And from day one lead along side of a local, indigenous worship leader in training who will actually remain with the local church. The same can be done in preaching, discipleship, facilities, tech, small groups, spritual formation, children’s ministry, evangelism.
This assumes a few things of these New Kind of Pastors:
1. They are committed to a non-traditional approach to leadership
2. They are willing to trust one another
3. They are willing to share what they have
4. They are secure in their own gifts and role
The biggest obstacles to this New Kind of Church are:
1. Pride
2. Ego
3. Power
4. Control
5. Insecurity
6. Competition
7. Lack of Trust
With the struggles urban centers deal with all across the U.S. we need to attempt different church systems and leadership structures. I think this new approach can be used in most urban centers of our country and around the world. My guess is this is already being done in non-religious settings.
YOU LOOK AT THE CURRENT MULTI-SITE MODEL, or the old church planting center model, these systems require BUCKS, BUDGET AND SIZE and their main objective is to grow a BIGGER ME. A church plant of 200, a new church of 20-30, a traditional church of 40-50 cannot do this. Even medium size churches of 1000-2000 are hard pressed to go multi-site because they may lack the leadership structure to do this (in other words, they have not developed people to actually go), or they don't have the budget to buy 2-3 times over curriculum, leasing/rental fees, audio equipment, staff and more.
It's time for a Root System approach to church leadership versus the Tower of Babel traditional approach, where the bigger churches send, diversify their goods and services perhaps even liquify some of them to serve other churches, and this is not to just give them a fish, although I'm fine with that, but to develop local leadership and most of all to unite, to bring relationship and friendship among pastors, congregations and churches.
THIS IS NOT AN ASSOCIATION OR A DENOMINATION, this is a root system, a network, an alliance of churches, Emergent Leadership, led by a group of pastors committed to relationship, leadership, to Long Beach, humbly submitting to one another, can I say this again, humbly submitting to one another and committed to seeing the Kingdom of God expand in our city.
This model, like the current multi-site model, is something that not every can do or will buy into, but as the problems surrounding church growth continue, new kind of church systems must emerge.
Do you know anyone on your staff, leadership team or community that thinks this way?
THIS IS A SYSTEM I AM COMMITTED TO. This is what I already do and believe in. This could help churches expand the Kingdom of God in their own cities by bringing together staff and resources towards a common cause.
I want more than a bigger, better MY CHURCH. In fact, I'm not sure if bigger is even possible in Long Beach or most urban centers. I don't want to grow old doing what I do mostly for the benefit of MY CHURCH. And at least for me, I've dedicated myself by God's grace, to equipping and developing people that are ready, and if anything may be bored to death with the lack of missional, servant, relational ministry between churches. Isn’t it always awkward when someone in your church helps another church? Sort of like, hey, I thought you were committed to MY church.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH PEOPLE'S GIFTS in new ways, to give them a greater vision than for our own churches. It's time to ask those with the gift of giving for $5 million to fund these projects, it's time to talk to pastors of dying churches about renewing their vision. It's time to once again ask God for the impossible, things that will challenge our hearts and attitudes.
I am convinced that there is a generation of pastors both young and old, new and traditional that are ready for this. And although we all worry about budgets, salaries, how exactly will this work, etc. there is something inside of us saying, keep talking, this sounds right.
We need to give answers to the hard questions, to provide the details of how this will work. We’ll get there. I have three Long Beach pastors to whom I've spoken, and they feel God is in this, they are open to this conversation. Currently, we meet at my house. Seeing these young pastors from different churches in my backyard, talking, praying, sharing our struggles, our concerns, learning to be friends not competitors, is one of my greatest rewards. Now, it's time to organize and do something great that will cause Satan to run and allow for the presence of God to move in a powerful way in our beloved city of Long Beach.
Into the future,
davidT
In Long Beach, CA (as in any urban center) we have issues related to church growth:
1. Buildings
2. Parking
3. Budget
4. Pluralism
5. Racial and Economic Diversity
ALONG SIDE OF THAT YOU STILL HAVE, as far as I can tell, an old system of churches doing their own thing with lack of trust, competition and fear across denominational and cultural lines. Black churches do their thing, Whites, Hispanics, Cambodian, etc.
Of course, many of these non-White churches exist by meeting in the 'fellowship halls' of aging, near-dead traditional churches, as well as growing White churches, which by the way are also a mission field (we need to help aging White congregations, not just rip off their buildings and space). The relationship between these groups can be anywhere from amiable, to competitive, and in some cases even dysfunctional. I've seen this first hand.
THEN WE HAVE LONG BEACH CHURCH PLANTING. Long Beach is hot for church planters and God is using them, in fact, more church plants are needed in Long Beach, more good church plants at least. All the ones I've interacted with are great church plants, led by great men and teams. But they also deal with the same issues of space, budget, leadership development, getting flyers and invites out to Area 1, Area 2 trying to reach people with the Message of Jesus Christ.
Emergent is relatively new in Long Beach but there's a pulse mostly among these new church plants. If Emergent is missional, communal, relational, justice and mercy oriented, if Emergent is artistic, contemplative and honest, most of these new church plants have it.
But the problem is that for the most part, whether new or old, traditional, contemporary or emergent, most of our Long Beach churches still do their own thing. There are efforts such as Kingdom Causes that are trying to bring pastors together to pray and to allow for relationship, but more needs to be done.
WHAT I AM RECOMMENDING IS ALONG the lines of a united staff to lead multiple churches. A sharing of power, a non-traditional approach to leadership with four or five pastors together leading, shepherding, evangelizing and developing leaders for multiple churches together in community. Messy? Yes, but God can do the impossible and we need it.
The larger churches can do this by having two or three of their staff, say in my case, commit to developing the Arts in 4-5 churches for 6 months to a year. In the course of that time, my job would be to develop artistic leadership by modeling the values of worship, a devotional life, intimacy, community and transformation among artist, stuff that I believe in and have done in our own church. And from day one lead along side of a local, indigenous worship leader in training who will actually remain with the local church. The same can be done in preaching, discipleship, facilities, tech, small groups, spritual formation, children’s ministry, evangelism.
This assumes a few things of these New Kind of Pastors:
1. They are committed to a non-traditional approach to leadership
2. They are willing to trust one another
3. They are willing to share what they have
4. They are secure in their own gifts and role
The biggest obstacles to this New Kind of Church are:
1. Pride
2. Ego
3. Power
4. Control
5. Insecurity
6. Competition
7. Lack of Trust
With the struggles urban centers deal with all across the U.S. we need to attempt different church systems and leadership structures. I think this new approach can be used in most urban centers of our country and around the world. My guess is this is already being done in non-religious settings.
YOU LOOK AT THE CURRENT MULTI-SITE MODEL, or the old church planting center model, these systems require BUCKS, BUDGET AND SIZE and their main objective is to grow a BIGGER ME. A church plant of 200, a new church of 20-30, a traditional church of 40-50 cannot do this. Even medium size churches of 1000-2000 are hard pressed to go multi-site because they may lack the leadership structure to do this (in other words, they have not developed people to actually go), or they don't have the budget to buy 2-3 times over curriculum, leasing/rental fees, audio equipment, staff and more.
It's time for a Root System approach to church leadership versus the Tower of Babel traditional approach, where the bigger churches send, diversify their goods and services perhaps even liquify some of them to serve other churches, and this is not to just give them a fish, although I'm fine with that, but to develop local leadership and most of all to unite, to bring relationship and friendship among pastors, congregations and churches.
THIS IS NOT AN ASSOCIATION OR A DENOMINATION, this is a root system, a network, an alliance of churches, Emergent Leadership, led by a group of pastors committed to relationship, leadership, to Long Beach, humbly submitting to one another, can I say this again, humbly submitting to one another and committed to seeing the Kingdom of God expand in our city.
This model, like the current multi-site model, is something that not every can do or will buy into, but as the problems surrounding church growth continue, new kind of church systems must emerge.
Do you know anyone on your staff, leadership team or community that thinks this way?
THIS IS A SYSTEM I AM COMMITTED TO. This is what I already do and believe in. This could help churches expand the Kingdom of God in their own cities by bringing together staff and resources towards a common cause.
I want more than a bigger, better MY CHURCH. In fact, I'm not sure if bigger is even possible in Long Beach or most urban centers. I don't want to grow old doing what I do mostly for the benefit of MY CHURCH. And at least for me, I've dedicated myself by God's grace, to equipping and developing people that are ready, and if anything may be bored to death with the lack of missional, servant, relational ministry between churches. Isn’t it always awkward when someone in your church helps another church? Sort of like, hey, I thought you were committed to MY church.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH PEOPLE'S GIFTS in new ways, to give them a greater vision than for our own churches. It's time to ask those with the gift of giving for $5 million to fund these projects, it's time to talk to pastors of dying churches about renewing their vision. It's time to once again ask God for the impossible, things that will challenge our hearts and attitudes.
I am convinced that there is a generation of pastors both young and old, new and traditional that are ready for this. And although we all worry about budgets, salaries, how exactly will this work, etc. there is something inside of us saying, keep talking, this sounds right.
We need to give answers to the hard questions, to provide the details of how this will work. We’ll get there. I have three Long Beach pastors to whom I've spoken, and they feel God is in this, they are open to this conversation. Currently, we meet at my house. Seeing these young pastors from different churches in my backyard, talking, praying, sharing our struggles, our concerns, learning to be friends not competitors, is one of my greatest rewards. Now, it's time to organize and do something great that will cause Satan to run and allow for the presence of God to move in a powerful way in our beloved city of Long Beach.
Into the future,
davidT
Friday, August 26, 2005
What I Want
Welcome back. You are welcomed here.
Allen is onto something.
I've thought about it, do I really want to do this? and I've concluded I do. I want braids, a few tatoos and more piercings (I've got two).
I do. Will I do it? How, when, expense? The job, perceptions are all considerations. My wife is fine with most things (she's not sure about the braids). I can either do it all at once (my preference) or one thing at a time. Except for the ink, everything else can come off if needed. I don't know how often you have to get the braids redone. Anyone know?
Where do I want the ink and what? On the back of my arms and back, some sort of revolutionary with a rifle and guitar. I've got two friends ready to go in with me and get their own. Crazy friends.
Into the future,
davidT
Thursday, August 25, 2005
10 Year Realizations
Welcome back. You are welcomed here.
You know how you never get to think unless you're on vacation? So, Rachelle and I were able to do that while in Palm Springs about what we've learned, life ahead now 10 years into our marriage.
Some examples:
WE ARE BECOMING MORE ONE. Part of this is realizing we're laughing at the same jokes, enjoying the same restaurants, movies, etc. One morning we were both in the hotel room, her reading USA Today, and I reading Google News and we felt so comfortable just being together doing mundane things. It was the feeling of I Love Who You Are and I Love Being with You. She also did laps in the pool (25mns or so) each morning. I did weights and treadmill in the fitness room.
WE ARE GETTING OLDER. We watched "In Good Company" on DVD. Isn't it funny how the older you get the more you relate to the parents in the movies instead of the youn college kids? Well, that's starting to happen to us. We just laughed slash freaked out as we imagined our three little ones going away to college one day and worrying about who they will date. (college? how about elementary school! Scary...)
BETTER DEVOTIONS TOGETHER. We've always had different devotional styles, hers more fluid, mine more static. When we do them together, it unites us. We had time in the Scriptures and prayer in the mornings.
MORE PLANNING TOGETHER. A while back my dad gave us a set of "more togethers..." as in more planning together, more fun together, more praying together in marriage. One evening, we spent an hour or two planning the fall calendar, looking at her work schedule, my work schedule, the children's school schedule, times of me cooking and taking care of the children, planning our dates with one another, Christmas and Thanksgiving plans, etc.
LETTING YOU IN. I had a good time writing, drawing circles and arrows on my note pad (no lines) just thinking out loud on paper. Life, ministry, who I am, my future, my background and childhood, good stuff. Then Rachelle and I sat together on the couch and we went through my circles and thoughts, my revelations and insights.
She is the one I want to share these things with. The raw stuff, the first drafts, the unedited version. And to hear her feedback, her input which refines me and helps me, and at the end to pray together for God to guide us and give us wisdom as we think of our future together. That was my favorite part.
It was just fun being together, eating $50 pizza, drinking coffee together in the mornings, having tuna for lunch in our room, sleeping in until 8:30am, that's a treat with three small children let me tell you, watching 3 straight hours of Law&Order, going to Staples and Target together, (well, I didn't go to Target, you understand, right guys?) and just feeling comfortable being with one another. It was fun.
Into the future,
davidT
You know how you never get to think unless you're on vacation? So, Rachelle and I were able to do that while in Palm Springs about what we've learned, life ahead now 10 years into our marriage.
Some examples:
WE ARE BECOMING MORE ONE. Part of this is realizing we're laughing at the same jokes, enjoying the same restaurants, movies, etc. One morning we were both in the hotel room, her reading USA Today, and I reading Google News and we felt so comfortable just being together doing mundane things. It was the feeling of I Love Who You Are and I Love Being with You. She also did laps in the pool (25mns or so) each morning. I did weights and treadmill in the fitness room.
WE ARE GETTING OLDER. We watched "In Good Company" on DVD. Isn't it funny how the older you get the more you relate to the parents in the movies instead of the youn college kids? Well, that's starting to happen to us. We just laughed slash freaked out as we imagined our three little ones going away to college one day and worrying about who they will date. (college? how about elementary school! Scary...)
BETTER DEVOTIONS TOGETHER. We've always had different devotional styles, hers more fluid, mine more static. When we do them together, it unites us. We had time in the Scriptures and prayer in the mornings.
MORE PLANNING TOGETHER. A while back my dad gave us a set of "more togethers..." as in more planning together, more fun together, more praying together in marriage. One evening, we spent an hour or two planning the fall calendar, looking at her work schedule, my work schedule, the children's school schedule, times of me cooking and taking care of the children, planning our dates with one another, Christmas and Thanksgiving plans, etc.
LETTING YOU IN. I had a good time writing, drawing circles and arrows on my note pad (no lines) just thinking out loud on paper. Life, ministry, who I am, my future, my background and childhood, good stuff. Then Rachelle and I sat together on the couch and we went through my circles and thoughts, my revelations and insights.
She is the one I want to share these things with. The raw stuff, the first drafts, the unedited version. And to hear her feedback, her input which refines me and helps me, and at the end to pray together for God to guide us and give us wisdom as we think of our future together. That was my favorite part.
It was just fun being together, eating $50 pizza, drinking coffee together in the mornings, having tuna for lunch in our room, sleeping in until 8:30am, that's a treat with three small children let me tell you, watching 3 straight hours of Law&Order, going to Staples and Target together, (well, I didn't go to Target, you understand, right guys?) and just feeling comfortable being with one another. It was fun.
Into the future,
davidT
Friday, August 19, 2005
Today, We Celebrate Our Love
Welcome Back. You belong here.
10 years ago today, I married my love. Happy Anniversary to Rachelle (Baker) Trigueros and I. We started our celebration today with dinner and conversation and next week we go away (no children) for four days in Palm Springs, all expenses and childcare provided courtesy of our loving family.
I love my wife. She loves me. I think if we've made it this far, we're in for life.
Into the future,
davidT
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Nicaragua Debt Forgiven
Welcome back. You belong here.
According to Nicaragua's local newspaper "La Prensa", (Spanish) the country's $1,000 million dollar debt has been forgiven as part of the "Debt Cancellation" program.
Remember Live8 and one.org? Wow. That is amazing.
Into the future,
davidT
According to Nicaragua's local newspaper "La Prensa", (Spanish) the country's $1,000 million dollar debt has been forgiven as part of the "Debt Cancellation" program.
Remember Live8 and one.org? Wow. That is amazing.
Into the future,
davidT
I Guess I'm Just Grieving
Welcome back.
This one is a bit long so sit back, read what you can, take a break, come back and read a little more, or just read the highlights...
Since being back from Russia (2 1/2 weeks ago), I've been feeling emotions that are part of grieving. In some ways, my grieving has resumed after taking a pause due to my trip to Russia. The trip required a lot from us all and I needed to give it my full attention.
Now that I'm back, the grieving has resumed. It's nothing major, just normal stuff. And it's not like I tried to start things back up, as if it's something you can turn on and off, your body and mind just tell you it's time. Usually it means that when memories of gramma come, or Rachelle or the children remember something abuelita said or did, I go there and I allow my emotions to come. They don't always come, but I guess what I do is I open my heart to the emotions, to the sadness, the joy, the tears, the loss, the temporary feeling of desperation, as in "I can't handle this" or "what's wrong with me?" and then the moment passes and I am filled with my grandmother's life and God's hope and strength.
For example, this just happened a few minutes ago therefore the post. We were having dinner, all of us at the table, my wife, our children and I. As we often do, we got talking about David Dennis (2) and his eating antics. You know the kind, throwing food around, making 'ojitos' (funny faces) at his sisters, hitting his plate with the spoon, etc. So I said in Spanish (oh yes, we only use Spanish during our dinner times), "este David es pura muecas..." Muecas is a word we use in Nicaragua to mean "funny faces".
And then it happened. Rachelle recalled how abuelita would often say that David did lots of "muecas" and how she enjoyed using that word. Then Canela (6) recalled how abuelita would feed David Dennis and would use the ol' here comes the plane/spoon trick to get little David eating. You know the trick right? Then Rachelle said "yo extraño a abuelita..." I miss grandma. That's exactly what we were all feeling, she just said it (which was good for her own grieving process).
At that my tears began to flow. They just kept coming, slowly down one cheek, then the other as if looking for a place to land. One eye, two eyes, warm tears, thick tears, the kind that are filled with life, love, loss and sadness. Then I said, "abuelita se sentaba en esta silla"...grandma used to sit on this chair, as I pointed to the chair on my right (abuelita lived with us and ate with us almost every night). Isabela (4), who was sitting to my right then said, "y yo donde me voy a sentar?"....and where will I sit? So Canela asked the same thing and Rachelle said "Isabela would sit where I'm sitting and I would sit on the extra chair next to everyone." We have a small dinner table for four.
So all that to say that I'm grieving, and that's okay. That's what it looks like. And now that I'm off on vacation for 2 weeks from the job, and I'm back from Russia, and our family is having dinner together again, my body and mind are letting down.
I just may call Sue my grief counselor from 5 years ago ((New Hope Grief Support Community) when my father died at age 57. I was in Sue's grief support group and she was awesome and met with me a few times after. It would be great to see her.
Just as a resource for you or someone who may be in a similar place of loss and grief, below is the material Sue uses as part of her training and support. Right now, 8 months into this, I'd say I'm between Task II and Task III, barely. Most times I feel like I'm right in the middle of Task II. This is slow stuff.
New Hope Grief Support Community:
4 Tasks of Mourning
Task I To Accept the Reality of a Loss
Task II To Experience the Pain of Grief
Task III To Adjust to an Environment in which the Deceased is Missing
Task IV To Withdraw Emotional Energy and Reinvest it in Another Relationship
1.) Worden J. William, Grief Counselor and Grief Therapy, 1980, 7-17
What is Grief? What is Mourning?
"Grief is the response brought about by loss or change. It is not just the loss of a loved one, but also from the changes, in our lives such as divorce, moving, changing a job or career as well as situational changes. The difficulty in overcoming the effects of grief depends on the nature and depth of the loss. To feel and experience grief after the loss of someone we love and care for is normal, natural, and expected. It is a normal human reaction to loss or change. Grieving is done in a wide variety of ways involving the 4 dimensions of our lives: mental, social, spiritual and physical areas."
Picture: A typical dinner at home with abuelita (right).
Into the future,
davidT
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Poll of U.S. Hispanics
Welcome back.
"Today Hispanics are 14% of the U.S. population. About half were born outside the U.S., but most want to blend into American society."
These are good stats. They reflect what I hear within the Latino community.
TIME.com: TIME Poll of U.S. Hispanics.
Into the future,
davidT
Friday, August 12, 2005
Coldplay on: Songwriting, Moods and Brilliance
Welcome back.
All of us artists are so alike, rich or poor, famous or not, great or average. It's the same genetic makeup. I relate to Chris Martin's (lead singer, Coldplay) comments here. Except, I'm not touring the world with a new song called, "Fix It" or an old song called "Clocks."
Coldplay's Quiet Storm:
"For Chris Martin, it's being regarded as a serious songwriter vs. being referred to in tabloids as Gwyneth Paltrow's husband. According to drummer Will Champion, X&Y refers to Martin as well. 'He's stunning and creative and incredible to be around,' says Champion. 'But the flip side of that is he can sink low and moody. There's not a lot of gray area in between the two.'
and
"What you won't find in X&Y's album sleeve are any of Martin's lyrics, a bit odd for someone whose visions of abandonment, apprehension, fragility and love have resonated with so many fans. "Because I'm not a great lyricist," says Martin with a laugh. "When you hear someone like Ian McCulloch or Bob Dylan...those are lyrics that should be printed. Mine are just a bunch of feelings." He writes constantly, though, to hone his craft. "That's my only way of making sense of the world," he says. Still, he says he's better at writing silly rhymes in birthday cards to his friends."
Ahh, the sound of artists making history while wondering if it's all worth it, sounds familiar.
Into the future,
davidT
All of us artists are so alike, rich or poor, famous or not, great or average. It's the same genetic makeup. I relate to Chris Martin's (lead singer, Coldplay) comments here. Except, I'm not touring the world with a new song called, "Fix It" or an old song called "Clocks."
Coldplay's Quiet Storm:
"For Chris Martin, it's being regarded as a serious songwriter vs. being referred to in tabloids as Gwyneth Paltrow's husband. According to drummer Will Champion, X&Y refers to Martin as well. 'He's stunning and creative and incredible to be around,' says Champion. 'But the flip side of that is he can sink low and moody. There's not a lot of gray area in between the two.'
and
"What you won't find in X&Y's album sleeve are any of Martin's lyrics, a bit odd for someone whose visions of abandonment, apprehension, fragility and love have resonated with so many fans. "Because I'm not a great lyricist," says Martin with a laugh. "When you hear someone like Ian McCulloch or Bob Dylan...those are lyrics that should be printed. Mine are just a bunch of feelings." He writes constantly, though, to hone his craft. "That's my only way of making sense of the world," he says. Still, he says he's better at writing silly rhymes in birthday cards to his friends."
Ahh, the sound of artists making history while wondering if it's all worth it, sounds familiar.
Into the future,
davidT
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Somedays I Don't Feel Very Artistic
Welcome back.
Like tonight, just feeling like I'm not creating much these days.
Lord, You are my joy and my desire, not music or beauty or art, even though I find You in those things, I love You, You are my desire.
Picture: Russia camp. The table our 6 children and I ate at three times a day, every day.
Into the future,
davidT
I Would Go Back to Russia
Welcome back.
As I spend time being home, thinking back on our trip to Russia 2 weeks ago, I would go back. There were so many connections for me there. I've been to Hungary, Nicaragua twice, local stuff, and Russia connected well with me. There were times walking around the camp, playing music, or walking the streets of Moscow when I felt like I was in Managua, Nicaragua. It seemed familiar.
Some of the points of contact:
1. The need for the Church to grow and expand is great. The Russian Orthodox faith is largely dead. And the Christian church is just getting started, about 3% of the population.
2. Young people everywhere. God uses young men and women to move the Kingdom forward. And as you walk around Moscow, it's obvious the new generation is all around, yet they are more interested in fashion, alcohol and sex than in God. That's not very different than in the U.S. God can do miracles.
3. Russia Inland. The organization in Russia, led by Russian leaders with U.S. support, is well organized. They do ministry among orphans, children, they do soccer camps, Christmas shoe box "Samaritan's Purse", host missionary teams (like ours), medical work, construction, work with youth on the streets on drugs and alcohol, they're well put together and are doing the real tough stuff.
4. Churches Need Training. Pastors have very little theological training, need help in mentorship and discipleship.
5. Children's Camps are Effective. Our camp was amazing. The children really need those times of love, encouragement, fun and learning about Jesus.
I don't speak Russian, that's a huge problem. But working with Russians who speak English is a start. I would like to take my wife with me next time, but our children are too small to be left alone for 3-4 weeks. God will lead us if He wants us to go back.
Picture: Russia mission's trip. Streets of Moscow, near Red Square.
Into the future,
davidT
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Not Ready to Open My Mouth
Welcome back.
So I was leading worship this morning, but before that I did the welcome in the earlier service. I began to talk and my words just wouldn't come out. Speaker's block? It was like I was talking in Russian, hey, maybe I was. That told me right away I wasn't ready to open my mouth!
Then the worship time began in the service I serve in and it went fine, but I was praying a lot, asking God for the energy to serve Him even though I felt weary. Just not used to the Sunday thing just yet. I will, just not today.
God showed me today how I can't do much without Him. Nothing of eternal value at least. And yet, He was faithful, His word was taught, we sang praises to His greatness and no one was injured (...well maybe our drummer, but not too bad : )
And this last week I've been pushing, trying to get off the dime in ministry, summer programs, meetings, etc. I thought I'd be all there by now, being with the greater Body and all, but I guess I'm not. It could be the accumulation of the last 8 months since gramma's death in January, then Isabela's (4) surgery in May and then Russia in July. I'm on vacation in just one more week, I'm looking forward to that. I need it.
Picture: Russia camp. After washing their socks, t-shirts and underwear, I hung my boy's clothes out to dry.
Into the future,
davidT
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Just Processing and Catching Up
Welcome back.
The week has been a bit of blur, half of it getting over the 4am wake up call (getting better), the other half just getting used to the hectic pace of it all. Processing a lot of what Russia meant, thinking a lot.
Picture: Russian camp. The scene I saw every morning when I walked into our room.
Into the future,
davidT
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Trying to Be Humble
Welcome back.
So I'm having a hard time sleeping, I wake up at 2am every morning, my body still getting used to the time difference from Russia to LA. But finally today, I was able to take a nap, and now tonight with NyQuil as my aid, I hope to sleep past 4am. Pray for me. I'll be fine.
The thing about humility is that it's not permanent, it requires nothing less than the power of God in you. Being at the summer camp in Russia was a test in humility for me. To not ask for my rights, or to seek the regular rubs from doing what you do, but to seek God's pleasure in knowing you're being obedient. And then realizing you can't and so asking Him to be your strength.
That's what's so amazing about humility, you can have it at a high cost, the cost of surrender. The more I surrendered myself to the cause of the camp, to the children, to the task at hand, picking up trash, playing futbol, singing the songs the children liked, the more I felt the power of God flowing through me, and the more humility flowed.
I know what it's like to try to be humble. To work at it on your own. It will last a few hours, maybe even days if you're good. That's tiring. But at the Russia summer camp, hanging out with orphans, washing their underwear by hand, with nothing more than a bar of soap, a tub and hot water in the shower, there I met God and found the heart of the Humble King. For He gave not some, but all that He had that we may be saved. And he didn't leave a small thing to humble himself, he left divine things such as His nature, His power and His glory.
And so as I washed those dirty socks, I felt a little bit of God in me, of His Spirit, of this gift called humility. And I didn't worry about being exalted, for that's another problem I face each day, but instead, this burden was light, it was easy.
Picture: Camp shower in Russia.
Into the future,
davidT
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