The Official Crash and Burn: Fatigue and Illness

I feel terrible. My body is done with this pace, this stress, the grieving, the push to keep going. The truth is that withouth gramma here, our lives are twice as fast. This is the way it should have been from the beginning, but we were glad for gramma's help. We also helped her and were there for her. Nonetheless, now it's up to Rachelle and I to make things happen - I'm talking about all things home - cooking, cleaning, children, the usual.

I've been sneezing, coughing, watery eyes, body ache, cold sores, headaches all week. During a meeting this last week, I nearly fell asleep (and there were only three of us in the room!). It's just all catching up with me. The biggest loss is not being able to lift weights or run for almost 7 days. I usually lift and run 6 times a week. I've been doing my abs every day and keeping to my eating plan, but I feel my body fading when I don't lift. I also miss the stress release lifting brings.

And work goes on right? I speak this week in Resonate, 1st time since gramma. Sunday is Sunday, it's a'comin. We're also working to get Good Friday set, as well as Easter. Then, April 10th, we are changing our service times. The service I help lead which is usually at 8:30am is moving to 10:45am which is a great move for reaching our city. The issue for our band is that we will lose our bass and drummer. We have 3-4 other guys, but the loss of relationship, the learning curve, all those things are tough. So I'm trusting God for his plan, but all these things bring stress and my body is just done. Tomorrow is our girl's birthday party.

Thank you for praying. I need to go and rest.

Brian McLaren: How can worship call Christians to look beyond themselves?

I think the song I just wrote, "We Proclaim" (see below) has a global/world orientation. As Brian says here, more are needed. I agree. Less "I'm overwhelmed with you" and more "all the nations will praise your great name." Feel me?

Brian McLaren: How can worship call Christians to look beyond themselves?

Brian McLaren:

"I wish that some of our songwriters would start writing songs that send us into the world in a spirit of service and love. I’ve been working on a few in this regard – we need a lot. As well, our prayers and benedictions can give us an orientation toward our world and our neighbors – for better or worse. I hope you’ll consider coming to the Worship, Art, Liturgy and Preaching conference in April at Asbury Seminary – this should be a topic of dialogue for us there. As well, we need to create some venues to share ideas and resources, since they might not be picked up by “mainstream religious media.”

For Valentine's I Got Both My Ears Pierced

At a body piercing place in Hollywood with my wife next to me and Rob the artist doing the honors with a needle. Two stainless steel hoops. It hurt a bit, but Rob did a great job (he has done all his own work, 15 piercings on his left ear and endless more...) Then Rachelle and I walked along the stars to Miceli's for some good Italian food. This morning Rachelle went shopping ALONE without children, that was a great gift for her. I stayed home with the little ones. It was a fun day.

Major Conversation with our 3.5 year Old

Isabela (our 3.5 year old) just had a 20 minute question and answer time with us about gramma and 'what happened to abuelita'...the full gamet of questions. She has asked these before, but this time the questions just kept coming. Wow, children are so perceptive. It just breaks my heart, but also makes me glad she's processing all this. She asked and said:
1. Where is abuelita
2. What happened to her head
3. Why don't hospitals make people better
4. Mom, are you a doctor?
5. I miss abuelita
5. Me gusta abuelita (I like gramma)
6. What's an IV?

She probably asked 10-12 more questions that I can't remember right now...Canela (6, this Tuesday), said she had a dream that abuelita had come back with a thing around her head. Gramma died Jan. 3rd, 2005 of a brain anyurism.

Side note: Today, as we closed the worship service with a song I wrote a few years ago called "For the Glory of Your Name" when it got to the part that says, "and when in Heaven I arrive/and this faith becomes my sight/with my crown before your throne Jesus/it is you that I'll adore/" I broke down and cried. After the service was over our pastor came up on stage to ask me how I was doing. I cried on his shoulder. It was a special moment. He told me that he was moved when I stopped to collect my thoughts, but the congregation kept singing my song.

We'll Proclaim - My Latest Song

Just wrote this, lyrics, melody and chords, recorded it on ProTools and burned it to CD, now we're listening to it. It came in about an hour and it's based upon Psalm 22 where King David pours out his heart to the Father. It's exactly how I've been feeling with the loss of gramma, today was another tough day. The psalm starts with pain but ends with praise among the nations. It's such an awesome psalm. My favorite line in the whole song, and that's because that's what I feel most in my heart, is in the chorus, the WE section, "And to the nations we'll proclaim, of the wonders of Your Name (what more can I say)". I'm trying to write more WE songs, they are so powerful. Those last few words, "what more can I say" are also very personal for me. Those are the last words I spoke to my grandmother. I kept telling her (in Spanish), "what else can I tell you? I've told you everything, I love you, I love you."

The turning point of the song, the God line is "But my heart has turned to You." We can feel pain and loss, but who do we turn to? That's a choice we all have to make. I'll turn to God.

Jesus also quoted this passage on the cross. Wish you could hear it.

We’ll Proclaim (Psalm 22)

Verse 1
Be not far from me O Lord
I’m poured out and alone
All my bones are out of joint
And my heart has turned to You

Be not far from me O Lord
I’m poured out and alone
All my bones are out of joint
But my heart has turned to You

Chorus
And to the nations I’ll proclaim
Of the wonders of Your Name
And I will sing of this great faith
That You are good
That You are good
That You are good
That You are good

Bridge
Don’t stay away
There’s no one to help but You
Don’t stay away
What else can I say but You

Chorus
And to the nations We’ll proclaim
Of the wonders of Your Name (what more can I say)
And We will sing of Your great fame
That You are good
That You are good
That You are good
That You are good

©2005 David Trigueros, Bethany Church, Long Beach, CA.

My iTunes My Life

I want iTunes to be an all-comprehenise music machine. This is what I expect from my next-generation iTunes/iPod:

1. Lyrics automatically searched and displayed as the song is played

2. Chords and Music Sheet ready to download for each song

3. Concert info for the artist being played and Purchase Ticket button

4. Video clips downloads for each artist, so I don't have to stare at the iTunes screen while listening to my favorite song

5. More art, art, art. I have FetchArt but I want the back, the front, the credits, the musician info. the thanks to, everything the regular CD has

6. To synch it ALL to my iPod.

This reminds me of Blog Maverick (Mark Cuban, billionaire) and his My cellphone, my life post.

Heart of the Artist Getaway Pictures

Pictures from Heart of the Artist Getaway in Big Bear, CA. About 40 of us went. We set up the whole thing - small groups, creative experiences, fun, food, worship, speaker. It was great. We'd love to help you set up a similar thing. Let me know how we can help.

More pictures here.

100 Phone Calls

I didn't log them, but I bet I made about 100 phone calls this week to artists, leaders, mentors, etc. It's been a week full of conversations regarding service times, musicians and bands, Good Friday and Easter, counseling and guidance, just caring and loving people.

What is Ash Wednesday?

I've got mine. Do you? What is Ash Wednesday?

Her Sons Also Miss Her

My gramma had five children, two sons and three daughters. My uncle Al was probably closest to her, next to my mom. My uncle is going through some marital challanges right now and really misses her advice. I will call him and invite him to come over to talk. My aunt Sonia, gramma's daughter, recently moved to New Mexico with her husband who just retired. They left after living in California their whole lives. Their two adult children still live here. She also is struggling feeling alone in her new place.

We all miss abuelita.

1 month ago today

We buried my gramma one month ago today, Jan. 7th, 2005. Four weeks or so ago. What can I tell you? It hurts. I miss her. Today, I told Rachelle I feel I've gone from 0-5% acceptance of all this. She feels the same way. It's progress, but it sure is painfully slow. That's okay, that's grief.

Back from "Heart of the Artist"

Great weekend, glad to be home. Great time with artists, looking at Scripture in small groups and creating experiences together. We will meet as an artists lead team, go through the evaluations and pray about the future.

I was gone for 2-3 days and I am so glad to be home to my wife and our three little ones.

My gramma's 'palo'

Last night I went into my gramma's closet....I love being in there, it's like she's there, the smells, her medicines and ointments, her clothes, her pictures. I took out her baston (her cane) and left it by her bed. It was such a big part of her daily life...el "palo" the stick, as I used to call it. It reminds me of her. I miss her today.

We would get in my truck to go to Big Lots, Kmart, etc. and she'd bring her palo and put it next to her. That gray, shinny stick helped my gramma get around. It was also a reminder of her daily struggle with her knees. Wow, she was in constant, deep pain. Then she had her 1st major knee surgery last March and things got worse for a few months then she felt much better. She was getting ready to have her other knee done this month.

Her knees are better now.

Every night before bed I'd go in her room, she'd be watching some Spanish TV show, and I'd kiss her goodnight. I'd say, "la quiero mucho toya (a nickname I had for her), ya me voy a dormir..." I love you gramma, I'm going to bed now. And she'd say, "yo tambien, buenas noches amor..." I love you too, good night love. I did that every night. I still do that. I go into her room at night and blow her a kiss.

Bought a Plant Today

Today I bought a plant. It's for the Artist's getaway this weekend. I will do a talk on Psalm 1, "You shall be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water..." How do we become this kind of tree/plant?

I will also bring up some snails, rocks and potting soil.

Trying to have fun. I also bought an acoustic guitar for the $1.00 raffle.

9.5 Theses on Worship

9.5 Theses on Worship does a good job here with issues related to worship in the Church - theology, WE songs, amplification, lifestyle and more. Some issues are overstated, such as the one on technology and amplification, but most are right on.

I especially like the idea of a Theo-Artist. That's an artist who has a theological background. I would add two more thesis:

Theses#10: Artists who love and understand people.
Theses#11: Artists who serve the city missionally.

Theses#1:
"Our heavenly Father wills that the whole
life of believers should be worship."