Part of grieving is the changing energy levels. Some times I am engaging ideas, tiring the moment, pursuing the last possible option. Other times, when my energy is down, I'm in the meeting, great things are being said that normally would be energyzing to me, but I'm just not there. My energy is low. Then it's there the next time. Same topic, different energy.
I'm passionate about the same things I've always been passionate about, Truth is Truth, and God is God, He never changes. My energy levels sometimes change, but I've learned to be a little more quiet during the low times, and not be as loud during the high times. This is normal and human. And most of all, I'm learning to trust God through every thought. Taking every "thought captive to the obedience of Christ". (2 Corinthians 10:5
So today, I watered the lawn (therapeutic), spent time in Psalm 128, "the family psalm", prayed (well, that's on going these days), and now I'm off to change the oil in both cars, get under the hood, etc. Sometimes, even when my energy fluxuates, I try to engage life.
I should probably rest more, that's something I don't do very well. I feel guilty for resting, like I should be doing stuff. And with three little ones, there aren't many moments of just laying around doing nothing.
But next week, I'm trying to get out for 2 days to spend time alone, meditate, rest, write songs, study the Word, write, write, write. I need that right now. I haven't taken a Sunday off since January, and we've all been pushing hard to make the service changes happen and go smoothly, trying to keep a sense of continuity, passion, freedom and hope even though we've lost our main players in the process - bass and drums. But God has provided a great group of new guys and things are going well.
God is faithful, He's near and He is my source of hope and strength.
