Saturday, April 30, 2005

What's Your Home Page

I was remembering this morning how I've changed homepages through the years. For a long time, it was this blog. Then that got old, and now I have google news. My guess some have CNN.com or other news sites as homepage. Some probably have their company page, their church page, etc. Others who blog, probably have their blogs as homepage.

So, what is your homepage?

Keeping Up with My Energy Level

Part of grieving is the changing energy levels. Some times I am engaging ideas, tiring the moment, pursuing the last possible option. Other times, when my energy is down, I'm in the meeting, great things are being said that normally would be energyzing to me, but I'm just not there. My energy is low. Then it's there the next time. Same topic, different energy.

I'm passionate about the same things I've always been passionate about, Truth is Truth, and God is God, He never changes. My energy levels sometimes change, but I've learned to be a little more quiet during the low times, and not be as loud during the high times. This is normal and human. And most of all, I'm learning to trust God through every thought. Taking every "thought captive to the obedience of Christ". (2 Corinthians 10:5

So today, I watered the lawn (therapeutic), spent time in Psalm 128, "the family psalm", prayed (well, that's on going these days), and now I'm off to change the oil in both cars, get under the hood, etc. Sometimes, even when my energy fluxuates, I try to engage life.

I should probably rest more, that's something I don't do very well. I feel guilty for resting, like I should be doing stuff. And with three little ones, there aren't many moments of just laying around doing nothing.

But next week, I'm trying to get out for 2 days to spend time alone, meditate, rest, write songs, study the Word, write, write, write. I need that right now. I haven't taken a Sunday off since January, and we've all been pushing hard to make the service changes happen and go smoothly, trying to keep a sense of continuity, passion, freedom and hope even though we've lost our main players in the process - bass and drums. But God has provided a great group of new guys and things are going well.

God is faithful, He's near and He is my source of hope and strength.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Today I Just Cried Most of the Day

Some days I just cry all day. It's okay, I'm fine. I had many normal moments along the way. The hard thing about sharing these things with you is that you may think I'm never happy, or that I'm always sad. Neither is true. I'm both sad and happy and then I'm okay. It's a part of grief (see below).

When did I cry today?

1. While on the treadmill this morning
2. Driving Canela to school around noon
3. Talking to Rachelle tonight
4. Leaving the office for the day

What do I do in times like these?

1. I worship. Today it was Fernando Ortega's "Light of Heaven" and "Storm", very healing songs.
2. I read the Word. Today I read Psalm 22 over and over again. The psalms are my "Relevant Magazine"
3. I called a friend, actually two friends. Great guys
4. I talked to my wife about it. She is great.
5. I ran, and did my abs. Exercise is a good way to get emotions out.
6. I called a Retreat center to get away for a few days. That should be good.
7. Worked all day, did Mr. Mom duties, met a fellow Nicaraguan, stuff, stuff, stuff.

Nothing fancy. Grief work, gotta do it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Books I Need to Write

1. "Post-Emerging Worship - Beyond Experience in Worship." - Healing, Intercession and Obedience as Worship.

2. "Equipping the Next Generation for a Life Time of Worship" - From Rock Star, to Servant.

3. "Latino Boys and their Grandmothers Who Raised Them." Coming to Terms with Death, Loss and Grieving.

4. "Becoming A More Ethnically Diverse Staff and Church."

I've got an outline for #1 and #2. The others are coming.

YS/Emergent should pick up #1 and #2. There's nothing being written regarding worship beyond emerging experience. Much needed topic.

Grieving Report-Month Three

I miss my grandmother. I have been writing this song which will probably never be sung outside of my writing pad called, "God took you away, because I would have never let you go." That's how I feel. Who's ever ready to let someone you love go? Some people say we were meant to live for eternity, and God says he's put eternity in our hearts (Ecc. 3), but a stronger concept is that we were created for relationship, and that's what's lost right now.

The grace of God is that He'd been 'preparing me' for this for 2-3 years. So I'm doing better than I ever thought I would. What does better mean? That I can still function, that I'm not on medication (knock on wood), that I've been down this road before and my "Grief Handbook" is my coffee table, night time reading material, that I have relationship with friends. All that helps, and yet...

The pain is deep. The Grief Handbook calls this time Task I, "To Accept the Reality of Loss." This then moves into Task II, "To Experience the Pain of Grief." This can take 1-2 years. Sounds like fun right? There's no way around this, some people ignore grief, working or medicating away their pain, others never move through and remain stuck years later.

These Tasks often include various Responses to Grief:
1. Responses of Shock
2. Strong Emotion
3. Depression
4. Fear and Panic
5. Guilt
6. Anger
7. Apathy or Resist Returning
8. Hope and Adjustment

These are not linear, in other words they are not sequential. You may experience one or some and then back to one and two. There's no particular order.

How does this show up in daily life for me? Yesterday the doctor told us Isabela (3.5) needs to have tubes in her ears - surgery for a 3 year old. Should we wait, should we do this now? I get these thoughts ranging from gramma's surgery to it's no big deal they do this in 10mns. I know all the facts, I've read about this online, talked to friends, etc. I don't just need information.

What Rachelle and I wish for is that we could talk to gramma. She was our medical advice, having raised 6 children in a 3rd world country teaches you a lot about medicine, home made recipes, etc. Her advice was amazing, in tune. Also, as most elderly people know, she was very acquainted with medicine due to all her medical conditions. And most of all, she loved Isabela. I write this with tears in my eyes, as I think of times Isabela would sit in gramma's room to watch Spanish soaps together with abuelita. That's stopped.

So we miss her in that way, her advice and wisdom, her care, her love for her great-grandaugther, one of 10 great-grandkids, and the daughter of one of her 25 grandchildren.

Tomorrow, I will start going through the Grief Handbook with a friend that's going through a painful divorce. He feels alone and that he has to be on all the time. Yes, I know the feeling. In the middle of my loss, God has called me to help others, and my pain only opens my heart even more to his pain. This is the concept from 2 Corinthians 1.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Lessons on Team Work v. Stardom

I see many young pastors wanting it to be all about them. I used to be of such lot. Oh, youth is truly wasted on the young. Even if we get them in teams, set up staff meetings and the like, the young leader must come to a place of valuing the strength of the pack. But often, the leader wants to be noticed. I've been there, wanting others to value me, to tell me I'm needed and valuable to the team. Much of that is okay, and part of the learning curve, but eventually this can become divisive. I've seen it.

A better place to be is to value the strength of the pack. And this is not easy, because not everyone wants this and not all senior staff know how to create such an environment. Pride, power, control all are issues that must be dealt with by each individual.

Nonetheless, if the young leader wants to be a lone star, he will not truly give in to the pack. Now, some young leaders are meant to be 'stars', they have special gifts. What I mean by 'star' is someone who's call and gifting is meant for greatness.

I am meant for greatness.

We have to make room for superstars in our churches. The star must learn to depend on his teammates, to value everyone around them, to understand that it is better to do things in relationship than alone.

UPDATE: Not convinced? Too much turmoil, pain, staff differences, resentment, unresolved conflict, hurtful words, wrong fit? I hear you, been there.

Let me ask you then:
1. What do you with your pain? When life hits you between the eyes, what do you do?
2. What do you do to get through the lonely times of leadership?
3. If you're not allowing God and the Church to help you through, what are you using to cope? We all have something to help us 'get through.' Does it honor God?
4. Who speaks hope, love, fire into you? Who fans into flame the gift of God that is in you? Who is 'laying hands' upon you these days (in the good sense of the term)?

You may say, my wife, my children, my friends outside the church. What about your staff, your lead pastor, your community, your elder board and deacons. If faith and community do not intersect your stuff, we're in the wrong business. And for the stars among us, we live life in this space of loneliness, passion, vision, isolation and lack of relationship. We need each other.

So, I have changed my ways. NO MORE. It's about being both a star but doing it in community and this for the sake of the vision and most of all, for the sake of friendship and companionship. Of 'amistad', 'compaƱerismo' and 'hermandad' (Spanish terms I wish I could translate and do the terms justice, but you get the gist of it).

I have no problem being and artist, conquering the world, drawing people to a vision, doing the work. But I'm done being alone on the inside, thinking I'm better, faster, quicker. And I'm done using that as an excuse to distance myself, to remain alone. No more.

Last week was an example of this. We got a bounce house (no one's birthday), invited two staff, their wives and children for no apparent reason but to be in relationship. Between my wife and I and all of our children we had 8 adults and 6 children, 14 people total, plus about 5-6 neighbor kids who just stopped by and wanted to bounce around. Why such a mess? Remember I'm an artist, alone is my noise. Why? For the sake of having friends, of relationship and community.

You say, I have that, good for you David. Great. Now do something with those people and call your people to a vision that will change their lives.

As the saying goes, "The wolf needs the pack and the pack needs the wolf." We all need each other.

The NBA is not the symbol of humility, but there are some good examples out there - see Dwayne Wade. Shaq shares the sky with his lesser stars.

"Bryant wanted to upstage Shaq and wound up undermining the Lakers. He wanted to call the shots and wound up shooting his own legacy. Bryant wanted to be the team, not a teammate."

Friday, April 22, 2005

Joshua Went to Bethany School, Long Beach

You've heard about this tragic event. It happened right here in Long Beach. Little Joshua, 4 attended the Bethany pre-school up until a few weeks ago. I heard the helicopters flying over heard yesterday around 5pm.

Tonight, at the preschool program (our 3.5 year old was in it and goes to Bethany pre-school), they mentioned Joshua. Tragic. It hits close to home. What kind of man does this to his own son and doesn't kill himself?

Joshua's story.

Coldplay Album Preview: X&Y. A Complex Stadium-Rocker

I can't wait for Coldplays' next album, due out sometime in June 2005.

I've downloaded the first single off the new album, "Speed of Sound" and I like it a lot...

Review of Coldplay's "X&Y" latest album:
mtv.com - News - Coldplay Album Preview: X&Y A Complex Stadium-Rocker: "The first single, 'Speed of Sound,' follows, and it's about the strangest track the band could've selected to serve as its grand return to the spotlight. Martin's voice is cocooned by the pulses of an electric piano and synth chords that give way to a driving piano line and circling guitars, making the whole thing sound strangely like a minor version of 'Clocks.'"

and..

"So what to make of X&Y? It's an organic electronica album. An minimalist, experimental disc with a whole bunch of power chords. Brian Eno for frat guys. Read into it what you will, but at the end of the day, it's still a Coldplay album. Which is probably what they were gunning for all along."

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

TobyMac on the Need for More Ethnicity

TobyMac says it well...we need more of this. Acts such as "Grits" and other hip-hop bands are still under represented at these events.

But let's be grateful that it's happening.

My wife is White, I am Latino/Nicaraguan/American. My life is diverse. My children are diverse. My city is diverse. My family is diverse. My music is diverse. Let's keep it going.

Switchfoot, Crabbs, Crowns Win Big - News - Christian Music Today: "TobyMac, who won Rap/Hip-Hop Album of the Year for Welcome to Diverse City, was pleased to see more racial diversity at the GMA event and throughout the industry, but he also made a plea for even more.

'My wife is Jamaican,' he said. 'My life is diverse. My family is diverse. My label is diverse. My record is diverse. … I'm not saying [the GMA or contemporary Christian music] is maliciously racist. But if we want to be the best we can be as an industry, that side of music has to be represented.'"

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Vine's Sixth Annual National Gathering

Jennifer, founder and chair of the Vine was here this past weekend and we got to spend time together talking about her vision to unite leaders from a cross-section of leadership in the city.

It'd be interesting to go and develop a network with like minded people in and outside the church. Movers and shakers, "leaders learning from leaders" as she says.

Rudy has been a part of this for years. 2005 - The Vine's Sixth Annual National Gathering.

Monday, April 18, 2005

My Birthday and I Cried and Smiled

Today is my birthday, I cried a lot, I smiled a lot. I turned 36, GenX comes of age. Wow. So this is what we did with our lives. Not bad, I like most of what I've done so far, still hoping to do a lot more.

What made me cry? Many things, abuelita of course, my wife's love. I got home tonight and she had left me another (2nd) birthday card on the kitchen counter. The minute I saw it I was gone. Also thinking how my abuelita would often get me clothes for my birthday. You know how grandmothers are practical and she knew what I needed. Pants, shirts, short, kakhis, all stuff I never 'wanted' but was the stuff I ended up wearing to church and dates with my wife.

What made me smile? Isabela (our 3 year old) blowing out the candles before I ever got to them. Her saying all day, "it's papi's birthday today..." A card my Bible study gave me, oh and them singing Happy Birthday when I walked in (they are all artists so it sounded really good!).

Fun day.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Rob Bell on Crying

"If the Son of God needs a good cry, than so do I....in some religious setting there is the perception that weeping and mourning means you're not trusting God....people aren't allowed to feel natural emotion...that's really messed up. Jesus wept and he knows the end of the movie....twisted notion that if we weep we're doubting God's power....men who believe that it's not strong and manly to cry, the cult of macho, it needs to be addressed."

Preach it Rob! Free iTunes download available.

Talbot Emergent Conference

I'll be there. Friday, May 13th, 2005. Good conversation. See below for more.

TallSkinnyKiwi: An Open Blog Post for Don Carson 1.0

On May 13th, Talbot Seminary (where I'm working on my MA in Theology) will be hosting the Emerging Church Conference. It will include my apologetics professor Garret DeWeese and the emergent line up of Dan Kimball, Robert Webber, Spencer Burke and other well known Emergent leaders (too bad Brian McLaren is not coming).

Having read Dr. DeWeese's (and others) "Reclaiming the Center" I imagine this conversation will have some debate on postmodern theology and Talbot's (i.e. DeWeesee, JP Moreland, etc) concerns with its lack of propositional truth, and much more. In fact, Dr. DeWeese's chapter in his book is about this very topic of propositional truth. It's interesting and very good.

Kimball will probably talk about experience, leadership and postmodernity. Webber will talk about ancient-future worship, I've never heard Spencer talk, I've read his books. It should be interesting. I'll be at the Talbot Emergent Conference, it's pretty cheap for students. I'm very proud of Talbot for doing this.

On a related issue, Andrew Jones, an emergent leader, missionary, blogger and prophet (in my opinion), has written An Open Blog Post for Don Carson 1.0

The post is a bit confrontational, with a slight edge to it, yet very respectful. I wish it was less argumentative (for such a public forum) and more gentle.

Andrew's hope is to get D.A. Carson to respond to his "4 Questions" to the book D.A. has written called, "Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church", which from reading the Table of Contents, and having read D.A's previous lectures and tapes on Emergent, the book is probably not very positive on Emergent theology and thought.

My guess is that this post by Andrew, D.A's book and the ensuing responses will be a topic of discussion at Talbot's conference. That is good.

My opinion is that Emergent theology is still growing and it's not all bad. It does have some difficult aspects to accept such as communal truth, but for the most part it's open, honest, conservative yet contemporary.

Should theology be such a thing? I think so. Truth is Truth, Jesus is Truth, the Gospel is central, the Bible is Truth, but much is still wide open for debate.

The last few Years, Pain, Trials and God's Goodness

"and forget not all His benefits..." Psalm 103:1,2

It's easy to forget the benefits in the middle of the pain. It's easy for me, how about you? But I'm training my mind to remember. I've felt the hand of the Lord upon my soul bringing me hope, when my father died 4 years ago, when my grandmother had her knee surgery a year ago. Jesus has touched me, His Spirit has granted me peace when worrying about having three children and how that would work, having two children, having our first. I've been overwhelmed by the scent of the perfume of my God's presence in worship, reading a verse, preaching in Resonate, leading worship. I have felt the gladness of a good friend, of laughing out loud, of God using me to make others laugh, dream, feel, move, act.

I have no excuse to forget. I have seen this movie many times before, I've been here before, I have first hand, physical and memory and emotional memory of this place. The Goodness of God is Real. When I was 12 and came to this country to stay, the war in Nicaragua, my parents left behind, my loving grandmother, abuelita Amanda with her arms and heart and hands open wide. I have tasted the goodness of the Lord. Oh yes, rocky road, I know what that taste like.....yummmm! That's the goodness of the Lord, it is good.

Yet I forget the goodness of the Lord, how about you? "forget not His benefits..." No wonder that's ringing true for me right now. Ever forget the goodness of the Lord in the middle of a tough day, bad traffic, unpaid bills, debt, taxes, and the daily treadmill that never seems to stop? Yeah, me too. That's just my list, I wonder what your list is like.

I took 5 pink Post-its, the big kind and put them on the wall of my work bench in the garage. Next to my weights and my pictures of Arnold and my bodybuilding heroes. On the 5 pink notes I wrote the significant events of my life in the last few years. And underneath each note, I wrote, "God's Faithfulness." "forget not His benefits...."

It's easy to remember the Challenges, the tough work is to remember the Goodness of the Lord, the Forget Me Not amidst the pain. This is my attempt to seek after God in the middle of these challenging times:

2003 - The birth of David Dennis, our third. Wow, that was amazing, hard, great, beautiful. He's our boy, our son, my love and hope.

Forget Not - Our son is amazing, a joy, big, healthy, my gramma got to teach me to give high 5, rock him, hold him. Her 11th or so great grandchild. What a gift.

2004 - Abuelita's Knee Surgery. 20 years in the making, she didn't want to do it. She was afraid of 'dying'. Amazing, so was I. But she did it, my mom came from Nicaragua to be with her for 3 months, taking time off of work as a school principal in Nicaragua to be with her mother. Wow, I remember the feeling of sacrificial love shown as my mom spent every day tending to the needs of an elderly woman on a walker, with a torn up knee.

Forget not - Gramma got through the surgery. My mom was priceless. By the 3rd, 4th month, abuelita was walking better than ever, and had already scheduled to do her other knee (on her own this time), in Feb. of this year. She didn't get to do that, but now she was a whole new body.

2004 - Major Home Remodel, Added a Second Story, Family Room. The expense, oh, the expense! The 40+ workers, city inspectors, contractors, non-contractors, guys off the street, worker passed out drunk in our back yard, the order forms, the arguments over work orders, change orders, cost, tile, paint. Wow, that was tough.

Forget not - A donor that helped us finish the project. The house is great, the children run around freely. We have a nice house we enjoy living in. The work is done (well, sort of, but we all know how that goes). The grass is green in the backyard once again, a year later, but it's behind us now, and God gave us strenght.

2005 - Abuelita dies, Jan 3rd, 2005, in the hospital, Dec. 24th, 2004 with a burst brain anyurism. My worse nightware, the worse day of my life, the toughest 2 weeks and counting of my life. Yeah. She had lived in our home for the last 6 years of her life. She raised me since age 12, but really since birth, helping my mom raise her first born, the first grandson, the first son, all that stuff. Culture, Nicaragua, food, the dishes, Rachelle's friend, my support, my Spanish, my language, my love, mi amor. She was more than that. She was healthy, strong, working, caring, cleaning, helping. We were there for her every day, Rite Aid, Big Lots, doctors appointments, the whole thing. Now, she's gone. The grief work continues, it's been 3 months, we're just getting started.

Forget not -
Tough to see right now but I'm trusting God. This is very much still in its very early stages. Ask me in a year or two. I think you'd understand. But little things, like talking to my mom on the phone more. Better communication with my aunts and uncles, counseling Athena my cousin, a jr. at Wilson High School on grades, tardiness and boys. Little things gramma used to do, I get to do them now. The greater challenge at home, in our routine with chores, food, child care, we do 100% more now. Yet Rachelle and I are coming together at a deeper level of help, service and grieving and feeling together.

2005 - Isabela's Ear Infections and Trouble Hearing, On-going Treatment. All of us parents know ear infections. For her it's been 4 in three months, TV gets louder, she asks "what?" a lot. The Ear and Throat guy said she's got fluid in both ears, it's not draining, possibly anoid removal surgery on a 3 year old. Not my idea of relaxation amidst gramma's loss. So we're trying to lactose-free cheese, milk, the anti-biotics (again), the air purifier, looking for signs of hearing improvement. The doctor said her hearing loss is mild. Yeah, to me nothing is ever mild. But we're working the program. I stress over this a lot. We'll get some x-rays this week, the doctor told us it's 1 week recovery for her surgery, they go in through the mouth, doctors do 15 in half a day. No problem right? There are worse things right? Yes, but this is our situation and our child and you know how that feels when it's your own children. And so I'm being tested to trust again in issues of health, medicine and not being able to do much about it.

Forget Not - I feel God's strength. GOD: "David, let her go, she's in my hands, it'll be okay no matter what. There are solutions to this, and above all things, I'm with you, she's my daughter first, I'll give you the strength to do what you have to do, the tests, the treatment, the enduring of this stress amidst the other things in your life. I'm with you, don't freak, don't over do it, trust me, have I not shown you my goodness before?"
ME: Yes Lord you have, help my unbelief. But I trust in you Lord, "and my heart has turned to you" as my song says. Please pray for Isabela, our blue eyed, black hair, beautiful, tender hearted little girl.

Thanks for being here.

UPDATE: My birthday is Monday. My mom just sent me a shirt all the way from Nicaragua through the mail. She probably had to send it 2 weeks ago to get here before Monday. With tears rolling down, I'm reading her card, in Spanish. It starts with, "Hijo...." And it goes down hill, in a good way, from there...I am telling you, God is Good.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Welcome to My Blog-Goals for Spring 2005

Hello friends, especially if you're here for the first time, welcome.

The theme verse for this blog is Psalm 27: 13
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the LORD ; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD ."

My Goals for Spring 2005:
1. Use more Scripture during worship. The power of the Word as we gather in worship is way underrated by most worship leaders. Open your eyes, put down the guitar and read us the Scriptures!

2. Grow in muscle density.
I'm stepping it up a notch in my workout schedule. My usual routine is 4x weight training, 2x treadmill, and abs every day. I'm going to try 5x weight training, 3x treadmill, and abs every day.

But the main change will be what I actually do each day and how. I need to diversify my workout regimen. My body has adapted to my current schedule. I need to break down the muscle tissue so it can restore and grow. I am also going to push myself to failure in each set. Instead of doing 15-12-10-6 next...I will do each set until failure, and look for that PUMP Arnold talked about way back when...


3. Spend More Alone Time Creating.
Writing songs, scripts for short-movies, worship videos, reading more Scripture, praying, meditating, thinking. You can watch all the Highway videos you want, but it's the Word and Spirit, and a blank sheet of paper that's going to create the best films and move people the most. Concepts come from Truth, and Truth through human Frailty and Emotion. It's not about purchasing the latest iWorship DVD. It's about meditation, prayer, Truth, devotion, tears, life, and then focusing your mind on finishing the concept. And then going to work, changing diapers, sitting in traffic and doing your job well. Then, sitting down with an Artistic Catalyst Artisan, Visionary, Missionary group and letting them do what they do. We need each other. Which leads me to #4.

4. Gather an Artistic Catalyst Artisan, Visionary, Missionary group to do#3 together and actually DO something with it in the Fall, in our worship services, etc.

5. Love my wife, serve her. Her love language is "Acts of Service" in other words, get up and DO something around here! I do, I do. Now I now what that means.

6. I need $3500.00 by July to go to Russia with SOAR International. I've got a long way to go. I need to do follow up phone calls on the letters I sent out, talk to people and let the need be known so that God can move hearts and support our team.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I am Not Waiting for Test Results

Today while leading worship I mentioned how a 'friend' called me for prayer as she waits for medical test results. I said a 'friend' but some people heard that I am waiting for test results.

Some came up afterwards, others asked my wife if I was okay. It's nice to be thought of like that, but I am not waiting for test results, a friend of mine is. Not me. In case you were wondering.

Thanks for caring.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Lead With Your Feelings

These are the times when people look to the church, to its spiritual leaders for guidance, hope, encouragement. How do we do it?

Lead with your feelings....

German Cardinal Delivers Moving Homily

In the funeral tribute to John Paul, he led with his feelings.

"Today we bury his remains in the earth as a seed of immortality. Our hearts are full of sadness, yet at the same time of joyful hope and profound gratitude."

A Simple Cypress Coffin

I wanted to stay up until 2am last night for the Pope's funeral, but couldn't, just too much. But reading the Pope's journal, watching video clips of the Funeral and seeing the pictures of millions perhaps billions of mourners just impacts me.

A simple cypress coffin for one the world's greatest leaders. Just like Jesus, King of Kings, born in a manger and dying on a cross. Great men, humble endings, a glorious eternity.

"I Leave No Property Behind Me", said the Pope. We want to take all our stuff with us it seems. How many DVD's, iTunes downloads do you and I own or have rented through the years?

I read recently, that the Pope considered his "suffering a gift to the world". Amazing, death and suffering as a gift. I see it more as a loss, yet the way of Jesus is as Paul said, "to live is Christ, to die is gain."

How far are we from this way of living? Perhaps we're not to live quite that way. Perhaps we are. Perhaps we are confused on where our treasures lie.

Isabela (4)'s daily kindess to her older sister, Shannon who wants to go deeper and join a Monday night study, Denise who awaits test results today, Julie who today tells her children their dad is divorcing them. This is life. This is pain, sorrow and love flow mingled down. What better life is there?

Yet Melanie struggles to leave her pot smoking friends. Jake struggles to leave alcohol as his medication for his pain. We make bad choices. We struggle.

The Pope said, "my suffering is a gift to the world." Perhaps my gift to you is my grieving of abuelita, the loss of my father 4 years ago, the daily struggles to raise three small children, of ministering to broken people every day at Bethany Church in Long Beach, CA, and my mistakes, my failures and short comings together with the longing, the pursuit and hunger for the Way of Jesus. And yet the burden is light, the yoke is easy for "where does my help come from? (Psalm 121), "my help comes from you, Maker of Heaven, Creator of the earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber."

I am so proud of the people I work with every day in the Arts. Of their struggles, their journey, their victories, their broken marriages, their children who deal with illness, of their incredible gifts and talents, of their pain from parents who divorced when they were young, of broken dreams and broken marriages. Yet in the middle of it all, they seek after God, after Jesus the Savior, there lies our hope, "where does my help come from?", "my help comes from You, Maker of Heaven, Creator of the earth."

Let's remember the spirit and life of the Pope. Let's remember his life and most of all his finishing. Let us be more like the Pope, more like Paul and Peter, more like Jesus.

Millions Bid Farewell at Pope John Paul II's Funeral.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Tide Turning for Parts of Long Beach

The Saturday article in the LA Times had some good insights regarding the new high-gloss tourist businesses versus the poor, immigrant population that together make up downtown Long Beach.

The article says that what's needed are businesses that can reach both demographics. What I think is needed in downtown Long Beach is a spiritual revival.

Tide Turning for Parts of Long Beach; Harbor-area and downtown attractions are drawing visitors and, in turn, investors. But some question the cost to the rest of the city.; [HOME EDITION]
Nancy Wride. Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles, Calif.: Apr 2, 2005. pg. A.1

Section: Main News; Part A; Metro Desk

Across the harbor from the ship, visitors are finally starting to fill the new Pike entertainment and restaurant center on land vacated decades ago by the original Pike amusement park. A towering Ferris wheel and vintage merry-go-round that were idle now work. Next door are the Long Beach Convention Center and the Aquarium of the Pacific. Along Ocean Boulevard, a canyon is forming amid new ...

New Church Plant in Long Beach, CA

Through a friend of a friend, we welcome Jason Mather and the Long Beach Project to the city.

I have yet to meet him, but am hoping to soon. Another church planting friend here in Long Beach, Chris, is also getting to know him. This city is in need of a spiritual revolution, and there is plenty of need for more churches in Long Beach.

Welcome!

Monday, April 04, 2005

How the Pope Turned Me Into An Evangelical-NOT

One thing we shouldn't do is jump on the "The Pope is cool" bandwagon lest we offend our Catholic peers. Yes, I know earlier I said that anyone who wants to jump on the "race bandwagon" is welcomed, so perhaps I was wrong in that also.

Like many, I have Catholic uncles and aunts. They know I'm not Catholic. They know I'm not into Mary, the Pope and the Saints. So why are we suddenly into the Pope? Of course I want to be, and in some ways I am. The Pope was a man of God, a role model of servanthood, kindness, gentleness and an evangelist, a spiritual leader to millions of youth all over the world.

Who our role models in the Evangelical faith? We need some more.

So if you are jumping on the "The Pope is cool mobile" do it with reverence, with honor to those who truly follow this guy. Learn from them, ask your Catholic friends how THEY feel about this. Don't try to act like you care if you really don't. And if you do care, ask questions and care for a long time. It seems the writer of this article had a genuine Pope experience.

How the Pope Turned Me Into An Evangelical.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Overwhelming Yet Controlled Sound

I'm not the world's biggest U2 fan. Coldplay has stolen my heart. But Rudy just got back from last night's concert at the Anaheim Pond. Read his post here. And read the U2 news article - from @U2.

As a musician, I like this paragraph. It's every band's dream:

Let me say this: No major-scale band, save for Pearl Jam and maybe Radiohead or Coldplay on particularly boisterous nights, plays with as much vigor and fervency, and none (including those) can leave its minions so inspired.

And what power from so few instruments! So overwhelming yet controlled is the Edge’s singular, chiming sound, so tense and insistent are Clayton and Mullen’s rhythms, that the minor flubs each man inevitably makes get amplified a thousand-fold.


That's awesome.

Friday, April 01, 2005

If Hybels Can do it, You can do It

What amazes me about this conversation is that Hybels is speaking about a 'senior pastor conversion.' About racial representation on staff, on stage, in the drama, worship team, elder board.

I am the only non-White staff at Bethany. If I was gone, they would most likely replace me with a White worship guy. That's just the nature of who we are at the top. The congregation has become more diverse, our main worship band has 3 non-Whites including myself.

I remember being at an elder board a few years ago and challenging them to consider a non-White elder. We now have 1 African American elder. It's a start, but this is not a design or intention of Bethany yet, it's more an accident. As Hybels says, there has to be a 'senior pastor conversion', we're not there yet. God can use me in this, and I feel he has in the time I've been on staff.

It's amazing how this is surfacing again. Remember Promise Keeper's racial reconciliation books, prayers, etc. That was a start, but not many churches thought it credible or possible at a large White church scale. Now, here we are again. Race is Hip. Let's get on the bandwagon my friends. Step right up, no questions asked, no checking of your live in nanny INS papers.

Emergent meets Ethnic. What does that make it? Ethmergent? Ethnomergent? Somebody sell this, market it, write books, do the circuit, make Zondervan some bucks. Rudy, Sergio, Liz, let's go on the road with this. I don't mean to sound sarcastic with this. I'm serious, let's have a White, African American, Latino, Asian American team go around talking about this to churches in Southern California. Let's start with our denomination Conservative Baptist, then to EV Free, and it will spread.

What do you say? I'm ready, it's real for us, it's been our quiet, silent secret desire. Now, it's going mainstream. I think Hybels is right, there will be plenty of Spiritual attacks. So we need to be ready for that. May God do this in His time.

Anyone?

Harder than Anyone Can Imagine - Multiethnic Church.