Spirituality for All the Wrong Reasons, Eugene Peterson

Eugene lays it on the line here. Lots of strong opinions about relevance, institution, spirituality, and children crying in church.

Spirituality for All the Wrong Reasons.

His thoughts on relevance seem right:
"I think relevance is a crock. I don't think people care a whole lot about what kind of music you have or how you shape the service. They want a place where God is taken seriously, where they're taken seriously, where there is no manipulation of their emotions or their consumer needs."

and:

"I think the besetting sin of pastors, maybe especially evangelical pastors, is impatience. We have a goal. We have a mission. We're going to save the world. We're going to evangelize everybody, and we're going to do all this good stuff and fill our churches. This is wonderful. All the goals are right. But this is slow, slow work, this soul work, this bringing people into a life of obedience and love and joy before God."

Too Much Reality in Church?

Too Much Reality in Church?
Originally uploaded by dtrigueros.

The review in the LA Times regarding "Fat Actress" has a comment I think can happen in church:
"TELEVISION REVIEW: The star of 'Fat Actress' seems to lack control over self-disclosure."

I'm into story in the church as much as the next guy, but there's a line I see being blurred between "God in my story", "my story in God", etc. and lack of control over self-disclosure because after all, "it is my story."

My Wife Misses Abuelita

After reading this, I cried in gramma's room for about 6 minutes non-stop.

Dear Family and Friends,
I want to share with you my memories of Abuelita:

Today is Abuelita's birthday. I miss her so much.

I miss hearing her call me from her room.
I miss her sneaking up on me while I'm on the couch watching tv to ask me
something important.
I miss hearing her television on as she watched her nightly novelas.
I miss hearing her talk on the phone to her many, many friends and family
members.
I miss her almost silent shuffle as she walked down the hall.
I miss her cooking.
I miss her emptying the dishwasher every morning.
I miss her sitting and eating her toast with coffee after she finished the
dishes every morning.
I miss talking to her about my latest theory on our children's health,
developmental stage, etc.
I miss getting her phone when it rang and running to wherever she was to hand
it to her so I wouldn't have to say hello.
I miss her singing with her radio worship songs.
I miss her listening to her radio shows about natural health solutions.
I miss hearing the sewing machine as she mended and sewed.
I miss taking her to get her hair done.
I miss her going with me on my errands.
I miss her sweet voice.
I miss her laughing hysterically every Sunday night as she watched her
"payaso" show.
I miss her tireless, endless, patient love for everyone.

Who will...
Who will teach me how to be a better mom?
Who will be the ultimate example of selfless sacrifice?
Who will sew on loose buttons, mend tears and make the girls dresses?
Who will teach me by her example how to be a better housekeeper?
Who will just be there when David is gone at night?
Who will teach the rest of the great grandchildren "gimme five" when they're
nine months old like she did with all three of our children?
Who will care for our children like she did?
Who will be the extra comfy lap to sit on?
Who will give me a Godly perspective on all the happens in life?
Who will give me wise advice on any topic?
Who will know me day in and day out like you did?

Why did you have to leave so soon? I miss you so much.
Love,
Rachelle

Tomorrow Would Have Been 79

My grandmother would have turned 79 tomorrow, March 4th. She didn't make it. She almost did. She died Jan. 3rd, 2005. This has been a tough week.

Thank you for remembering as we grieve.

I Need New Glasses

Ever get that squinting, itchy eyes, watery, blurry sense? It means, your going blind, slowly. Well, it also means (like it does for me), that it's time to renew my eye glasses prescription.

What's the Future of the Arts in the Church?

From an email I sent to a friend asking some great worship questions:


What is the biggest challenge between a pastor and worship leader?
Currently, bringing Arts Transformation to the forefront of the Arts at Bethany. To go beyond Excellence and Relevance to Community/Creativity/Character and Commission.

What have you seen to be the biggest change in the role of the "worship" pastor in the last ten years?
I am a pastor to the whole church, not just to the Arts, and not just to one style of worship, but to all styles, contemporary, postmodern, traditional, etc. The role of the WL is changing from being the 'chief dreamer' to creating and 'atmosphere' or ethos for others to dream, the 'provoker of dreams'. Also, WL's are becoming pastors to the whole person, preaching, counseling, leading missions trips, training leaders, and doing ministry together. We also should pursue a full musical and theological education by getting a Masters in Music or a Masters in Theology. WL's also should pursue the writing of theologically accurate new songs of diverse musical genres.

What are some of the things that make this relationship unique?
WL's are artists, independent, creative. Our pastor is not an artist, is afraid of change (by his own admission), and is more conservative. But he is willing to learn, to worship, willing to learn more about Artist Transformation, etc. I also have to be able to communicate our vision clearly, with consideration to the overall vision of the church, and in a way that will 'work for him'.

How does this relationship impact the rest of the team?
I have to protect our senior pastor, love him, serve him, honor him in front of other Artists. They cannot see our inner conflicts or things we're working out. I can be honest about my desire to create and his conservative nature, but otherwise, I am of one heart and mind with our pastor.

What’s your opinion on the pastor being the lead worshipper?
The spirit of the pastor should be of a lead worshipper. A pastor who worships His creator with his community is very important. As far as him writing songs, or painting that's according to individual talents and gifts. I do think that today, leaders lead my example. So if you want a 'worshipping' church, start by worshipping yourself.

The story of David and Saul. What are your thoughts? (Envy, Jealousy, Etc.) How does envy and jealousy impact the relationship between worship leader and pastor?
If the WL wants to preach, and the preacher wants to WL there is a problem. If so, and if the WL is gifted to preach, lead, then he may need to plant a church. If not, his or her influence should be focused on leading and serving his or her Artists.

How can a pastor support the ministry of his worship leader?
For us, it's about relationship and communication. We pray together every Sundays, he 'talked up' our last "Heart of the Artist" getaway. I am also working on laying out a 3 year plan for the Arts in areas of missions, equipping, home Bible studies, and Artist Transformation. The WL should communicate his vision often (every 6 months) and clearly to the lead pastor. They can't read our minds.

What is your opinion on pastor led churches vs. team led churches?
The future is of pastors as cultural architects (Erwin McManus' term), pastors who create a 'vision environment'. We are moving away from Easter-in-a-box, Christmas-push-and-play environments, and towards original expressions of the Spirit, perhaps borrowing from other churches and re-designing. The WL has to be an encourager of dreams, but must also keep the vision of the Church at the front of the Artist. Lastly, I believe Artist Transformation is an area of much need. In 2005 we are developing Artist Communities, or small groups, Artist Retreats, Missions trips and dinners to encourage relationship, spiritual growth and accountability amongst our Artists. Please pray for us in this.

What can we do to celebrate the song of others?
Write better songs, write songs of different styles (Gospel, R&B), write theologically accurate songs, write songs of Missions, more WE songs, and record, record, record.

We also need to develop a new vision for the Technical Arts area, to move towards Spirit led tech artists, who can develop a team technically but can also help them grow in character, community and creativity. Churches would be wise to move towards having a Pastor of Tech Arts. This could be as a lay-leader or as a pastor in training.

One last thing, we also need to make room in the Church for Artists who are called to Hollywood, to the bar, to Disney and to prepare them both in the Music Business as well as in their faith.

DavidT's Fitness Guide

People sometimes ask me: "How did you lose weight?", "How did you get in shape?". So I developed a Fitness Guide with before and after pictures. It's for both Advanced and Beginning Levels and includes:

1. Before and After Pictures
2. Budget
3. Eating Plan
4. Workout Plan
5. Finding a Partner
6. Motivation and Obstacles
7. My Story

Anyone find it useful or thinking of using it?

David Trigueros’ Fitness Guide – 2005

People ask me, ‘how did you do it?’ or
“what did you do to get in shape?”

Here’s what I’m doing…

- From Nov 2003 to Sept 2004 I did the Beginning Level
- From Sep 2004 to Current, I’m doing the Advance Level

My Results
Lost 40lbs in 12 months (about 3lbs a month)
From 225lb to 185lbs in 12 months
From Size 39 to size 33
Los 20 lbs in first 12 weeks
Lowered BP, Cholesterol levels
Lower anxiety levels, lower stress levels, less visits to chiropractor
More energy during the day (afternoons)
Less tired
Better sleep at night
Higher muscle tone in arms, legs, shoulders, back, tighter abs, flat stomach

I exercise for the joy of it, for my family, children, my wife, for strength for ministry long term, stress release. It is my hobby. I don’t worship my body, my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit and so I take care of it. There’s more to life than exercise, but I want to get the most out of this life.
I am still going strong (a year and a half later, it’s a life-long commitment for me)
There have been down times – injuries, personal issues, holidays. But the key is consistency and sticking to a program.

Advanced Level, On-going

Exercise
Arnold Swarzennegger’s Body Building Basic Training
M – Chest/Back/abs
T – Arms/shoulders/abs
W – Legs/lower back/abs
Th – Treadmill/abs
F – Chest/Back/abs
S – Treadmill/abs
Sun – Rest

Eating Plan - 6 meals a day, small portions, equal carbs, protein
8am, Breakfast – Oatmeal, fruit, water
10am, Power bar, string cheese, yogurt, apple, water
12n, Tuna sandwich, low fat chips, string cheese, apple, water
3pm, Protein drink
6pm, Dinner, Rice, veggies, chicken, water
9pm, P&J sandwich or Cheerios, protein drink
Thursday night - Free

Beginning Plan, 12 weeks

Eating Plan, Monday-Saturday
8am, Breakfast – Oatmeal, fruit, water
10am, Power bar, string cheese, yogurt, apple, water
12n, Tuna sandwich, low fat chips, string cheese, apple, water
3pm, Protein drink
6pm, Dinner, Rice, veggies, chicken, water
9pm, P&J sandwich or Cheerios, protein drink
Sunday – Free day

Exercise, 6 days a week
M – Upperbody, 45 mns.
T – Treadmill, 20 mns.
W – Lower body, 45 mns.
Th – Treadmill, 20 mns.
F – Upperbody, 45mns.
Sat – Treadmill
Sunday - Free day

How do I get started? Start by writing out your Values…Why do you want to get in shape? What are the obstacles to getting in shape, what foods are the hardest to give up?

Values
1. Goals
2. Motivation
3. Obstacles
4. Find a Partner
5. Commit for 12 weeks, it will become a habit

Resources/Questions
1. www.bfl.com - Body for Life
2. Eating for Life – www.amazon.com
3. Body for Life Book by Bob Phillips – www.amazon.com
4. Budget
5. Grocery shopping
6. Eating out
7. Gym, home gym
8. Arnold’s Encyclopedia of Body Building – www.amazon.com

What to do after the 12 weeks
1. Do another 12 weeks
2. Adjust workout to fit your health needs and goals
3. Develop a lifetime habit of fitness and healthy eating

Budget, avg.
Protein Drinks - $40.00/mo
Protein Bars - $50.00/mo
Gym - $30.00/mo or home gym
Grocery shopping – varied
Rewards – priceless!

Before and After Shots: Will post later.

Jamie Fox Loves His Grandmother Too

It just reminds me I need to keep talking about how much I loved, miss, cry over, remember, am thankful for my grandmother Amanda Morales, who died Jan, 3rd, 2005.

If Jamie can cry over his grandmother, so can I:

"This is probably going to be the toughest part of this speech. My daughter shares my grandmother's name, 'Marie.' My grandmother's name is Estelle Marie Talley. She's not here tonight. And this is going to be the toughest part. But she was my first acting teacher. She told me to stand up straight. Put your shoulders back. Act like you got some sense.

We would go places. And I would wild out. And she would say, 'Act like you've been somewhere.' And then when I would act the fool, she would beat me. She would whup me. And she could get an Oscar for the way she whupped me because she was great at it. And after she whipped me, she would talk to me and tell me why she whipped me. She said I want you to be a southern gentleman. She still talks to me now. Only now, she talks to me, in my dreams. And I can't wait to go to sleep tonight because we got a lot to talk about. I love you."

The Flag of My Country is Gone

In thinking of ways to describe how I feel about gramma's loss....

Before I do that, here's an email from a friend that describes how American grieving is different than what I'm doing. I think she may be on to something, perhaps expressing her own feelings towards my grief process:

"One more thing...I am so glad that you are reminding us of your pain about the loss of your grandmother. It is so healthy to do that for so many reasons. First, for you. Just, saying Hey, this is real, I hurt, it stinks and I am in pain. It is so healthy for those around you. Because we are called to support you in that. and be real with you and pray for you and walk with you in it. You are not allowing the americana version of grieving...which is so unhealthy...(which is kind of what happened for me I think with my mom for lots of reasons) funerals over lets move on...Do you feel like that is how you are being treated? I think our culture does not know how to grieve well. ....I am so sorry about your deep loss. So David please know...When, you remind me, in your emails...I will pray for you. I am glad you do remind us. When I see you, I will bless you. Laura."

What do you think of her feelings about the 'americana version of grieving'? Has anyone experienced this kind of grieving?

Back to what I was saying...

In expressing to a friend today about how this feels:
"It's a loss of a part of my culture here in the States. As an immigrant, a Nicar-American I feel my last connection to my home, the Nicaragua of old, the grandmother understanding of the food, the culture, the rasing of children, what a husband and man is to be, is gone. It's as if the flag of Nicaragua that used to hang on the walls of my heart is down."

I understand that now that understanding lives somewhat in me, but the loss of how much more could have been shared is still apparent.

That's what gramma's loss feels like to a young man raised in a different country by his grandmother, and now that person is gone.

Time, Time, Time

Sometimes, like today, it feels like the main help for grief is = let time pass by. You'll feel less and less pain over time, you'll remember the good times more than the sadness you currently feel.

Let me tell you, that theory stinks and doesn't work. There's all kinds of grief work that I've done in the last 4-5 years that's a step in the right direction - Time and Space say the counselors. Good advice. But bottom line, all you can really is do is let time pass while you do the right things. Wow, tough stuff.

My gramma would have had her 2nd knee surgery today. Her birthday would have been March 4th. She would have turned 79. Today, I spoke to my uncles and aunts, they are all feeling this hard. They used words I relate to - 'unbelievable', 'hard to accept', 'now what do we do', 'we have to keep going', 'it's a huge emptiness'....That's how I feel.

We'll get through this, and yes I worship God in our loss, and yes, there is joy in the Lord.

How Do I keep Accountable?

Like all of us, I need to be accountable in 3-4 key areas I've identified as 'my stuggles'. I won't go into them here...

So how do I keep accountable? (don't you just love that word?)

1. I meet with Kevin my friend, same life stage, amazing man for breakfast about once a month

2. I write him a monthly or so Well Check Report. I am as honest as possible on there about specifics. We then talk about them at our breakfast.

3. I am honest with him. Some people hide in accountability relationships, I don't have time for that. This is not some checklist I'm trying to finish, this is for my marriage, the ministry, my well being, for who I am as a child of God before my King.

What do you do?

Les Paul White-2004 Custom Shop

I'm not ready to get into this bid, but my contacts say it's a good deal. Any thoughts?

Les Paul White
Originally uploaded by dtrigueros.

I'm Going to Russia

Yesterday, our team was commissioned to Russia, July 2005. About 10 of us are going through SOAR International and Bethany (our church) to work at an orphanage, with the fatherless. I am fatherless, not an orphan, but I feel a connection to some degree.

Children: Our two daughters are such friends. Right now they're playing CandyLand. Wow, it moves me how Isabela loves to play, talk, and calls out Canela when she can't find her. "Canela! Where are you?" It makes me tear up. I guess I want that in my life, don't we all? A friend, a sister (I have two in Nicaragua) that I can play with.

Workout 6x This Week

My goal this week is to get back into my 6x a week workout routine. Tonight, I did 20mns. on the treadmill and abs. Tomorrow, I do chest and back/abs. I've been sick, but it's time to get back on track with the 'program'.

Earlier today, I spoke to a friend who almost divorced his wife. He is an artist, musician, amazing man, but is struggling. It's hard to break through the music-talk, but we did and it was good.

Other notes:
1. It's raining hard tonight (for Long Beach)
2. I spoke tonight in Resonate after a 10 week layoff (gramma, Christmas, etc) It went well, I was running on fumes.
3. Our roof is still leaking
4. I miss my wife. We need another weekend getaway soon
5. Our children are getting older
6. I'm learning not to micro-manage, I think I'm doing better in that area
7. I should be sleeping right now. I'm done.

The Thing About Grief: More Than Tears

If you've lost a loved one you understand. If not, try to understand. Grieving the loss of my gramma is more than crying and tears. It includes anger (snapped at band member last night...), tiredness, feeling overwhelmed, depression. On the other hand, it also includes business and stress. And that's just MY list. How about your list?

An honest friend often asks me regarding gramma, "aren't you better by now?" Jan. 3rd, 2005. Today is Feb. 18th, 2005. Most people see things in terms of time and space. That's more than 6 weeks for goodness sake, get over it! sigh....

And yet, those of us who grieve, have to live in two worlds...our loss and your life. For the rest of the world, life goes one, and so it does for me. I just carry this thing with me that pains me. Grieving people can be a nuisance, that's all they talk about! Get a life man, get over it, move one, let go and let God. Grieving person can be these 'woe is me, I'm so special, no one understands, my pain is so unique...." And it's true, my pain is unique. And so is yours. And as Henry Nowen says in "Life of the Beloved" it is the uniqueness of our pain that makes us human. But we need to work through the grief. You're right and I'm doing it. I work every day, I work out, I love my wife on Valentine's and daily, I put on my socks every morning and get crackers and cheese for our 3 year old just like the rest of the world. But...

When I went through the New Hope Grief Support group, they taught us about the acutness of pain 6-8 weeks into grief. We're here right now, and let me tell you it's tough. It's not just tears, and it's not that I don't 'feel better'...It's practical for me right now as well.

This morning I vaccumed the whole house. I enjoy doing that. It's my job. But gramma would have picked up the chairs and toys off the carpet to make things quicker for me...you know what I mean? That's gone. Selfish? Whatever....it's a reality we live with, the loss of relationship is the deepest form of loss with her, then comes the loss of her hands and feet, then comes the loss of wisdom and input...It's not linear friends, it just has different levels.

Have a friend in need? It's more than tears for them, it's also practical, daily things. Help them with groceries, help them go to the auto zone and buy some oil, help them buy books for school. And after the dinners are gone, and the cards stop coming, and I have to review the proofs on my grandmother Amanda's marker, "Amanda Morales - March 4, 1926 - Jan. 3rd, 2005 - beloved mother, sister and grandmother" (like I have to do today).....remember to be patient with me and others. "Please Be Patient with Me, I'm a Grieving Person."