If you've lost a loved one you understand. If not, try to understand. Grieving the loss of my gramma is more than crying and tears. It includes anger (snapped at band member last night...), tiredness, feeling overwhelmed, depression. On the other hand, it also includes business and stress. And that's just MY list. How about your list?
An honest friend often asks me regarding gramma, "aren't you better by now?" Jan. 3rd, 2005. Today is Feb. 18th, 2005. Most people see things in terms of time and space. That's more than 6 weeks for goodness sake, get over it! sigh....
And yet, those of us who grieve, have to live in two worlds...our loss and your life. For the rest of the world, life goes one, and so it does for me. I just carry this thing with me that pains me. Grieving people can be a nuisance, that's all they talk about! Get a life man, get over it, move one, let go and let God. Grieving person can be these 'woe is me, I'm so special, no one understands, my pain is so unique...." And it's true, my pain is unique. And so is yours. And as Henry Nowen says in "Life of the Beloved" it is the uniqueness of our pain that makes us human. But we need to work through the grief. You're right and I'm doing it. I work every day, I work out, I love my wife on Valentine's and daily, I put on my socks every morning and get crackers and cheese for our 3 year old just like the rest of the world. But...
When I went through the New Hope Grief Support group, they taught us about the acutness of pain 6-8 weeks into grief. We're here right now, and let me tell you it's tough. It's not just tears, and it's not that I don't 'feel better'...It's practical for me right now as well.
This morning I vaccumed the whole house. I enjoy doing that. It's my job. But gramma would have picked up the chairs and toys off the carpet to make things quicker for me...you know what I mean? That's gone. Selfish? Whatever....it's a reality we live with, the loss of relationship is the deepest form of loss with her, then comes the loss of her hands and feet, then comes the loss of wisdom and input...It's not linear friends, it just has different levels.
Have a friend in need? It's more than tears for them, it's also practical, daily things. Help them with groceries, help them go to the auto zone and buy some oil, help them buy books for school. And after the dinners are gone, and the cards stop coming, and I have to review the proofs on my grandmother Amanda's marker, "Amanda Morales - March 4, 1926 - Jan. 3rd, 2005 - beloved mother, sister and grandmother" (like I have to do today).....remember to be patient with me and others. "Please Be Patient with Me, I'm a Grieving Person."
