In thinking of ways to describe how I feel about gramma's loss....
Before I do that, here's an email from a friend that describes how American grieving is different than what I'm doing. I think she may be on to something, perhaps expressing her own feelings towards my grief process:
"One more thing...I am so glad that you are reminding us of your pain about the loss of your grandmother. It is so healthy to do that for so many reasons. First, for you. Just, saying Hey, this is real, I hurt, it stinks and I am in pain. It is so healthy for those around you. Because we are called to support you in that. and be real with you and pray for you and walk with you in it. You are not allowing the americana version of grieving...which is so unhealthy...(which is kind of what happened for me I think with my mom for lots of reasons) funerals over lets move on...Do you feel like that is how you are being treated? I think our culture does not know how to grieve well. ....I am so sorry about your deep loss. So David please know...When, you remind me, in your emails...I will pray for you. I am glad you do remind us. When I see you, I will bless you. Laura."
What do you think of her feelings about the 'americana version of grieving'? Has anyone experienced this kind of grieving?
Back to what I was saying...
In expressing to a friend today about how this feels:
"It's a loss of a part of my culture here in the States. As an immigrant, a Nicar-American I feel my last connection to my home, the Nicaragua of old, the grandmother understanding of the food, the culture, the rasing of children, what a husband and man is to be, is gone. It's as if the flag of Nicaragua that used to hang on the walls of my heart is down."
I understand that now that understanding lives somewhat in me, but the loss of how much more could have been shared is still apparent.
That's what gramma's loss feels like to a young man raised in a different country by his grandmother, and now that person is gone.
