Friday, December 31, 2004

La Cocina


cocina.JPG
Originally uploaded by dtrigueros.
This is one my favorite pictures I have of my grandmother because I saw this every day in real life. Part of her routine was to put away the dishes each morning. It was her 'trabajo (job)' she said.

Tonight - Levels are Lower

Tonight, her sedation levels are down from 32 to 24. Tomorrow morning, they will do another test. Leslie, the head nurse said she expects the numbers to be low enough tomorrow morning to take off the ventilator and see how she responds.

Tonight, the family went out to dinner and had a pleasant time talking about gramma, spending time together. It was fun.

Have a great New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. God is our strength and our joy.

Kidneys are Working

I spoke to the nurse Leslie this morning, she's the head nurse. She said gramma is urinating and her kidneys are working. I asked her if perhaps her kidneys were failing, but she said they're fine. She said they performed another test this morning to see where her sedation levels are at. We'll know more later.

Today also marks the 4th year anniversary of my dad's death. He died to be with Jesus, Dec. 31st, 2000. Today is an amazing day, thinking of him, my mom (her husband) also thinking of him, gramma's condition and also, one wonderful thing, my sister is due with their second Jan. 9th.

What a journey. I wrote a song 4 years ago in response to my dad's death and how God is near to the brokenhearted:

"You Walk Besides Me, your presence is my strength and so I can say that/You walk besides me, your love has broken through."

Gramma Has Been at the Center

We're home this morning, resting. We slept well last night. God's grace. No medical updates as of now.

This morning, I realized how my grandmother has been the center of my cultural and Spanish soul. Here at home, I speak Spanish all the time, to our children, to myself, to the walls. I do this because it's my soul speaking. I also do this because I knew my grandmother was near, hearing me, laughing at my jokes, my thoughts...."Que niƱos tan lindos! Te quiero desde que saliste de ese lugar tan oscuro! Te veo mas bello hoy que nunca...." "You children are so beautiful, I've loved you since the day you were born, you look more beautiful to me now than ever..." Stuff like that.

She would always listen in, laughing at me, understanding me, getting it.

I am missing that today.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Meds Still in Her

Tonight, the sedation in her body is still not leaving her. They want to bring her sedation levels down to 10 or 15. They're at 30. It seems her body is not processing the meds out. Her liver/kidneys may be bad. They've been okay so far. So they're not taking the ventilator off tonight. Tomorrow, we will talk to Dr. Chappel (her main surgeon), about what this means.

We are talking about services, moving her possibly to Nicaragua for burial, etc. All the hard stuff....wow, I'm weary. I can't imagine I'm here, but God is with me. I feel his strength through all your prayers. Thank you.

Our family is helping with the details, finances, processing. Elaine, a friend of the family who is a national award winning hospice nurse, has been amazing with her advice on the process of dying and the medical system. It's so painful to write about this. I'm so tired.

Pray for a miracle, pray the medication goes out of her, pray for God's will. Pray for my mom, she's weary tonight.

Who is My Grandmother to Me

Grandmothers are always special. To me, abuelita is like my mom and dad. She has raised me basically from 13 on. When the Sandinista war forced my parents to send me to Long Beach at age 13, I came to live with my grandmother. Since then, we've lived together. First, I lived in her 1-bedroom apartment at 843 Raymond Ave in Long Beach, CA 90804, 562-439-8724, for 10 years until I married. Prior to that, I came twice to visit when I was 9 and later about 11. During those times, she used to walk to me to elementary school, go clean 2-3 houses to support us and come by in the afternoon and pick me up from Willard Elementary on Freeman Ave. in LB.

Then Rachelle and I got married and my grandmother lived with her son for two-three years. Then about 6 years ago, she moved into our home and we were together again.

In those last 6 years she helped us shape and raise our three children. About a month ago I asked her, "abuelita, y yo como soy, soy un buen hombre?" (gramma, what about me, am I a good man?)...She said, "sos un buen hombre, y un buen marido, y buen padre....pero mucho gritas..." She said, "you're a good man, and a good husband and father...but you talk too much." I have felt the love of those words. They have meant a lot to me. Sometime this year I also asked her if she felt I loved her and she told me, 'yo se que me queres...' "I know you love me."

I think we all love someone(s) desperately. That sense of overwhelming, almost painful love that we have for a special few. It includes the sharing of life, time together, who knows what all. For me, my grandmother is one of those people. I love her that way.

Update: Last night, we just had to go be with her. She was alone at the hospital, so my mom, Rachelle and I drove to UCI Medical Center where she is and spent the night with her. She is not showing signs of waking up. Sometime today, we will decide when to take the next step which would include life support.

I am praying for miracles. But I have surrendered her life to Jesus. She is His, her faith in Jesus Christ was real and she will be with Him. God knows the number of her days. We are trusting Him.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Wed Night

We left tonight and my gramma has not responded since we took her off the sedation. It's been over 24hrs and they want to give her 48hrs which would be around 6pm tomorrow night. If nothing changes, they would take her off the ventilator for 5mns to see if she breathes on her own. If she does, she keeps fighting. If not, that could be the end.

We're praying for a miracle. Trusting God for with her life.

abuelita Amanda






This is the last picture we took of gramma in our backyard Monday, Dec. 20th. We were planting seeds. Here she is working on the yard. All of us were around her, helping, her three great-grandkids steps away with their brooms. It was a fun day.

We are still waiting to see if she comes out her 'induced' comma (sedation).

Wed Update

Today, wed. we talked to the nurse. Last night, we asked to have her off the sedationn medication to see if she comes out of the induced comma. So far, nothing. It's been more than 12 hours and the tests show no signs of brain activity at this time. That's not a positive sign, there should be something by now. Usually we should see something in 6-8hours. She's still on the ventilator, on heart and blood pressure medication. We now decide that if her brain doesn't show any signs, we may take her off the heart medication as the next 'weaning' step. We have met as a family, lots was shared, lots of tears, deciding what SHE would want. And we agreed, with advice from a nurse friend and doctor friend, to go slow. Taking her off the ventilator would be the next thing, which would then be pretty final. This process could take 30mns or days. Today, we will meet again as a family, and then with the doctors to walk this through together. We are also talking about the post details of burial, etc. We're asking if she would want to go home to Nicaragua, if that would be too expensive/feasible, etc.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Gramma Not Doing Well

The right side of her brain is completely dead. Her life after would be limited and most likely with a breathing and feeding machine. We will decide tomorrow what/when to allow her to...

The question they ask us is, 'what kind of life would she want to have?', 'what have you heard her say?'

She would not want to live that kind of life.

Thank you for praying.

Pray for gramma, for strength for us, for my mom who flies in tonight at midnight, for Rachelle, our children who ask us lots of questions that we're doing our best to answer, for the whole process and upcoming decisions.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Update: Gramma's Condition

Thank you for praying.

Last night, she had a 12 hour two part surgery to remove the anurism. The first part was an attempt which failed. It was trying to get to the anurism through her arteries. They got there, were almost done closing off the inflamation when the right side of her brain shut down. They had to do a second emergency surgery, opening up the right side of her skull to clamp the anurism, remove the 'coils' that had fallen into the arteries of the right side of her brain and try to get the blood flowing again.

She may have some effects from this loss of blood. Her left side could be affected to some degree. Now, she's in recovery from this major procedure. But she made it through and we're so glad! She almost didn't make it through the first surgery. Last night, after the failed first procedure, it looked grim.

She's still in critical but stable condition. Right now, her blood pressure is low which is not a good thing, but it is going up. The pressure in her brain is normal which is very important. Please pray for her bp to go up to 160 and her brain not to swell. She's under general aneasthetic for another day or two to allow the brain to 'sleep' so that it doesn't have to work much therefore reducing the pressure in the brain.

Amazing. I still feel this is all a nightmare. I'm grateful for so many little/huge things. Naps, my family taking care of the children, Tom bringing us lunch as we speak, my wife driving to the hospital last night around midnight when it all looked gray.

I'm trusting God. He walks besides gramma and besides me.

Thank you for praying.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

My Gramma is Having Brain Surgery Tonight

An anurism in her head burst, she's having surgery tonight. It's a big deal. Please pray for her and the family. I am trusting God for her future. This is hard for me. She's like my mom and dad in one. I am praying for a full recovery.

Thank you.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Christmas is Merry in the Small Things.

Just today on the freeway, two cars were racing, chasing each other, seemingly mad:

Christmas is in the small things.

This morning, I dropped off a donation for needy children in downtown Long Beach:

Christmas is in the small things.

How will I bless our worship band:

Went and got Starbuck and Baskin Robbin gift cards for them.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Scare With Squats

I was doing heavy squats earlier today and for a second I let go of my grip of the bar with my left hand and I almost lost control of the bar atop my shoulders. I didn't know what to do. Drop it....hmmm, the weights might fall on the back of my legs. Tilt to one side or the other...I had too much weight on either side, my back would take most of the hit.....better think quick....I could feel all my senses and nerve endings totally awake! My shoulder muscles tightened up, making the bar feel even heavier on my shoulders...I probably had about 200lbs on my back. Finally, got my hands underneath the bar again, controlled it, balanced it, backed up into the squat rack....I was okay.

I walked around for 10mns. just relaxing. It freaked me out. That's how you learn good form and safety. That won't happen again.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My Christmas Gift

I'm about to go pick this up. Time to upgrade. Pretty fun.

Christmas Eve at Bethany

Should be a good night. Service times: 5:30pm and 7pm. Come by and enjoy a guided Christmas worship time. I'll be playing with our bands.

Monday, December 20, 2004

How and Where Did Emergent Start? Not in the U.S.

Another great thing about Andrew's blog, is that he serves as a historian to emergent. Just yesterday, after church film instructor at Biola University asked me about the history behind emergent.

I have read much of the history of emergent at Andrew's blog. Thanks.

Measuring Emergentness by Smilies.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

iTunes Soulful Christmas mix

Thanks to Rudy for the list of soulful Christmas songs. You can get all these from iTunes. Enjoy.

"Soulful Christmas - James Brown
The Little Drummer Boy - Stevie Wonder
Rudolpho the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Burl Ives
Frosty the Snowman - Brenda Lee
Santa Claus is coming to town - Brenda Lee
Chestnuts roasting - Mel Torme
Do you hear what I hear? - Vanessa Williams
I wonder as I wander - Vanessa Williams
What child is this? - Vanessa Williams
Hark the herald angels sing - Vanessa Williams
O Come All Ye Faithful - Luther Vandross
Silver Bells - Stevie Wonder
Go tell it on the mountain - Smokey Robinson
O holy night - Smokey Robinson
Joy to the world - Johnny Cash
Silent Night - Sixpence None The Richer
White Christmas - Louis Armstrong"

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Christmas Work Parties - Go or Don't Go

I must say they're usually not bad for me. This year, I had a Chrismas Eve rehearsal that I accidently scheduled on the same night. So I had to cancel the rehearsal which was not good, and I went to the staff Christmas party and it was fun...

I wonder how others feel about them....whether you're the boss or the employee.

Here's a friend's story:

"I haven't been to my salons 'fancy' Christmas party in a long time. Maybe 5 or 6 times in 16 years! I was having a conversation (chat) w/my boss/owner and he was expressing to me how disapointing/frustrating it is for him when people dont come, come w/o there spouse or significant other, come drunk and dont drink his purchased stuff or dont eat. He really feels it's disrespectful to him, after all he's trying to do something nice for everyone and goes to alot of planning. Let's just say I'm going to this years party on sun nite! I always go to the casual/gift exchange party (that was on mon nite) it's a great time and it's just the people who work there, pot luck and stuff, big fun!
This year will be different because he decided to change things since so few were coming. We are going on a boat in Balboa to see the lights. Light food, hot chocolate and some drinks, casual, and the best part is I get to bring my Kids!"

Interesting. Makes me more understanding of what bosses go through.

Sad Christmas Stories

Just another day...The music director at the Crystal Cathedral commits suicide after dealing with depression for most of his life, a mom who is killed and her baby taken from her womb, people cheer when Peterson is sentenced to die, Christmas carols banned from high school in New Jersey.

Where are the good Christmas stories? Let's get those going.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Email is Down

In case you've been trying to email me, the server is down, I'm getting nothing at the bethany account.

You can email me at:
dtrigueros@gmail.com or
dartrigueros@aol.com

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Almost Had my Laptop Stolen

Tonight, during a break from rehearsal, I walked back to my office and my laptop was gone, the drawers from my desk open and there was a jacket outside near the door. I had left my office open, but the glass doors in the office space were locked.

I was in shock, I couldn't believe it. I looked everywhere for it and for clues. I called my friend to come help me look around and he found the computer hidden behind a box in the hallway near my office.

Did someone leave it there to come back for it later? In the main sanctuary, there were over 300 people for a children's performance, so it could have been anyone.

I don't know what to think.

When I first walked into the office area, a guy walked out the front door. He had a jacket on, so it couldn't have been his jacket outside my office. And he looked like a parent type. But how did he get in?

What's even more strange, is that after my friend found the laptop, I locked my office and went back to the rehearsal room. I left the jacket outside my office. After rehearsal, I came back, and the jacket was gone.

Was it a kid, was the man I saw literally in the middle of stealing the computer when he heard me open the back door?

I dont' know what to think. I'm glad I have the laptop. I will talk to the staff about this tomorrow.

Crazy.

Finals Update

Almost there...

1. Romans - Final Exegetical Paper, Romans 7:1-6, due Friday (done)
2. Romans - Outline of Book, due Friday (done)
3. Apologetics - 8 outlines of apologetic arguments - due Friday, 4pm (please pray for wisdom, endurance)

Thanks.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Just Studying

Finals...

1. Apologetics - 8 outlines of apologetic arguments - due Friday
2. Romans - Outline of Book, due Friday (done)
3. Romans - Final Exegetical Paper, Romans 7:1-6, due Friday (50% done)

If you can, pray for endurance, wisdom and to finish strong. Many people around us in the same boat these days.

Thank you.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Leaders Create Meaning

This makes sense. I remember when my father died 4 years ago in two weeks, it changed me forever. But through the grace of God and lots of counseling, that event has spurred me and our family to a deeper place of reliance, relationship and creativity.

Leaders Create Meaning:

"According to Bennis and Thomas, one key difference between lifetime leaders and 'nonleaders' lies in how they respond to the defining moments they experience. 'Leaders create meaning out of events and relationships that devastate nonleaders,' they write.

We don't always know it when we're in the middle of a defining moment; sometimes, the importance of these experiences can only be seen in retrospect. Either way, it is up to us to decide how they are going to affect us and our leadership. As Aldous Huxley said, 'Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.'"

The Skinny on: Emergent Criticism

What's memorable for me is being at a Young Leader's gathering, (as they were called back then), in Newport Mesa, CA and meeting Rudy, Andrew, Paul Kaanz?, Dieter, all these guys that were rocking my world. It's nostalgic and exciting to remember those days. I also remember going to San Antonio to a Young Leader's thing and hearing Doug and Jason Mitchell (Bethany intern), talk about changing culture. It didn't all make sense at the time, but look at where it's now...

It has been fun to be a part of this conversation for the last 10-15 years. I was 20-25 back then. And yet frustrating to see how little I have done. Perhaps the best is yet to come for me personally as well as for our church. One has to wish.

One last note. Andrew here talks about a book "Reclaiming the Center", and it's of note that our apologetics prof at Talbot, Garrett DeWeese wrote an article in the book together with JP Morelan. He spoke of this book in class and I guess I just feel lucky to be in such a seminary with such a man and such a book.

This whole thing makes me tear up. Not sure why.
The Skinny on Emergent Criticism.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Bracelet Madness



I see them everywhere now. Whether it's Red for Trotter's efforts, or Yellow for LAF, these things are everywhere.

Should I get one? What color?

My wife doesn't want Christmas gifts this year. She instead is asking all of us as well as extended family to send gifts to a list of needy children in Long Beach.

Maybe I should wear a White bracelet on her behalf. White for Christmas. Where do I get a White bracelet made with her name on it?

My Sister in Law's List

My sister in law is amazing. She is leaving for Cambodia on a short-term project in two weeks. She also makes me laugh.

Here's part of her Christmas list. I especially like the "car body repaired on passenger side" one...

My needs are none, but my wants are listed below:
1. Kitchen baseboards
2. Car body repaired on passenger side
3. Carpet cleaned
4. Clipboard
5. Light switch in bathroom fixed


Anyone?

Friday, December 10, 2004

Letters To A Young Worship Leader: Signaling The Band

Attitude, signaling the band, different bands, competition, character over job....great resources for WL's and bands....

Letters To A Young Worship Leader: Signaling The Band.

Tony Campolo on Emergent: Movement is new form of evangelism

Pretty good article, except for the part about 'they tend to rejet the exclusivistic claims...about salvation.' What does that mean?

Movement is new form of evangelism

You Broke Up Pantera, I'll Kill You

This is crazy, killing a guitarist for breaking up his previous band....wow. I vaguely remember Pantera. Any fans?

Band Guitarist Killed: "Some witnesses told police the 25-year-old gunman, Nathan Gale of nearby Marysville, Ohio, shouted, 'You broke up Pantera' before gunning down Abbott and firing at other band members and the crowd in the Wednesday night shooting."

Thursday, December 09, 2004

We Passed Final Inspection

Yeahhhhhh........

City of Long Beach is a tough place to build, but we're through and legal.

Yes Lord.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Here's Me Now


Nov 2004a
Originally uploaded by dtrigueros.
A work in progress.

Before and After


Before and After
Originally uploaded by dtrigueros.
Here's where it's all headed.

An Interview With The Blond Bomber Dave Draper.

What do you eat daily?
What's your daily workout like?
What supplements do you take?
How do you incorporate aerobic exercise?

Great questions if you're into weightraining. I've learned a lot from Dave Draper. An Interview With The Blond Bomber Dave Draper.

Carols on Guitar

Every year I realize carols weren't meant to be played on acoustic guitar. Oh yes, I've made it happen through the years, and Angels We Have Heard sounds pretty cool on EG. I've got many versions...nonetheless, each year I end up trying to make these carols warm, fun, fresh, traditional, all in the spirit of Christmas....not an easy thing.

Some places for Carols on guitar:
Guitar Chords.
CCLI.com (if you subscribe)
Betty's Carols.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Jerusalem Perspective Online

Another good preaching source for Jewish cultural backgound: Jerusalem Perspective Online.

playing some more

iTunes, Thesarus, Amazon links, currently listening to : Politik from the album "RushofBlood" by Coldplay

I want to try this. Say I want to buy my wife a book on flowers. She likes flowers. How do I find that online? Here it is. Nice.


"Well-Tended Perennial Garden: Planting & Pruning Techniques" (Tracy Disabato-Aust)

Fired for Blogging at Work

Not me, not yet at least... : ) But this can get pretty scary...

Blogs May Be a Wealth Hazard: "One day, he saw some then-new Power Mac G5 computers being unloaded on site, and, tickled by the idea that Microsoft would be using Apple hardware, he snapped a photo and uploaded it to his blog."

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Feeling Poopy

I saw a card once at Rite Aid of a baby boy, about 6 months old, sitting on his diaper, in tears. The caption said, "feeling poopy...."

That about sums it up for me today. Tomorrow should be better. It's a new day.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Why Better

What's better about Ecto is that you can post from the news reader itself. You can't do that with the free version of NewsReader. The problem with ecto is that it's $17.95.

Thanks for the heads up Doug Pagitt.

This is Better

Can't do this with NewsReader

Ten Months and Out - Not Me

Apparently most bloggers keep the daily thing going for a while - ten months on average - before they find it becomes onerous and give it up. I can't tell how long this particular party will go on, but I'm not thinking of closing it down any time soon. In the meantime, can I fill up your glass for you?

says maggi dawn.

Like her, I'm not going anywhere. Since the move, and closing of the old blog, I feel like I can go on for a while.

Pull up a chair, enjoy.

Friday, December 03, 2004

It's All About Me

I don't want to go to Fudruckers with my wife and children tonight, I just want to be home, workout, study some more, and do what I want to do. How do you make I capital, when it already is....

I am so selfish.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Long Beach Culture.Org: Your Event Search Results

I'm here at Portfolio Cafe studying for Sunday night. It's going well, I know lots about Mary and Joseph and Herod (he was not very nice). Ask me anything. Right...

A couple in their 50's just came in and asked the owner, who is hanging new art work around the place (pretty cool owner), what is going on in Long Beach this week in the arts. She had no clue. That was sad. She pointed them to OC Weekly! OC Weekly? Isn't that Orange County news? So I thought, you know, she needs to know about Long Beach Culture.Org: Your Event Search Results. Here you can get a complete listing of cultural events around the LBC - arts, music, festivals, etc

So next time you're in town, check it out, and if you have someone asking you what is there to do, don't confuse them, help them.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Tonight - Tim Hughes

Tonight, I'll be going to a worship concert with Tim Hughes ("here I am to worship") at ::NewSong in Irvine, CA.

Preaching Resource

Studying for Sunday night, Joseph from Matt 1 and Luke 1,2.

Trying to find historical and cultural background on arranged marriages, Herod, killing of babies, exile to Egypt and the like.

Follow the Rabbi, has been helpful. Funny title, great resources.

Who Should Be A Church Planter

Alex at Mosaic and the Origins Project, speaks about what it takes to plant a church. Some of his conclusions are:
1. A person who has to reach people
2. A person who must impact culture

I think the question you should ask, if you're thinking of planting a church, is "do I have an attitude of "I must reach" people?" and second, "am I someone who impacts culture?"

"Last week I spoke at a very cool Willow Creek style church in Michigan. The leader of their 20/20 church-planting network, Nick, reminded me of something fundamental. In selecting church planters it isn't enough to find someone who "wants" to plant a church. The right guy "has to" reach people, "must" impact culture, and he'll attempt it with or without our money, our buildings, and our structures. May their tribe increase, right?"


Church planters that build good churches (not size but impact), usually have an evangelistic gift. And I know there are many stories of success out there that have little to do with size. I agree. But these guys also have a leadership gift. Teaching gift? Some have it, some don't. There are other models, such as church within a church and house networks that don't require those gifts. But starting a new church, is a leadership, vision, entrepreneur endeavor. It's not for everyone.

If you're not a church planter, be what you are, there are plenty of ministries that need remodeling, reinventing and so forth. Be you and be the best.

I know church planting is sexy. What is not sexy is doing something you're not supposed to be doing. I sometimes lament the lack of 'alternatives' for those who are not church planters. Currently I see few options:
1. Stay and - a. Be miserable b. Try to change the culture or c. Become the culture
2. Church plant
3. House church
4. Sunday night service

I'm currently doing #1b and #4, decided not to do #2 and haven't thought about #3. But "I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." but instead I'm finding obedience to the challenges ahead of me today. And I am waiting on God to open a door of opportunity, or perhaps He's waiting for me to walk through it.